The clock says 6am but it isn't because of getting up early. Finally finished learning what I needed to know to fix the Table of Contents insert into Word for the book so it is completed except for the design and creation of the back cover, as well as the obtaining the legal mumbo jumbo for the copyright and publication but that will all be part of the upload to and through the publisher. There is no doubt in my mind that it will come back for some correction or another but it is down now to just those few obstacles. Next week the marketing campaign begins and will take over as my "main" project for awhile.
Got to do some serious catching up in my little place before all the kinfolk start showing up for the holidays...and get ready for LG's Christmas. The presents are bought but they aren't wrapped, means I've got to get some newspaper. :)
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
New Browser
Being frustrated with Internet explorer 8 freezing up and not responding, I'm giving Google Chrome a try. Really fast install and imported all my links..so far I'm impressed how fast it moves but I definitely need to take some time with the settings to get the font the right size for my eyes and the background color changed...and then work with it awhile to see if it freezes up too. Google Chrome Weblink
Unusual Signs
Drive through windows in convenience stores is still more rare than not. One that i went to had signs for the waiting customer that I just had to talk them into letting me get a picture of. Amusing marketing environment these days. So many smiles in this life.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Back in those growing up days...
The life my brothers and I lived seemed "normal" to us, naturally. Yet it is a pretty frequent realization as I grow older that many of the normal or common experiences of brothers growing up in the mountains or as newcomers to the community...well, times have changed.
Can you factually remember how many "rock fights" you've been in? (For those who may translate that differently, this is where someone picks up a rock and throws it at you and sometimes hits them, and they throw a rock back and this continues until someone strikes a blow that makes the other run off. That ended the fight and only if you were a sociopath would a victor continue throwing at the fleeing injured.
Personally, I can't remember but there were many. Commonly with a brother. But I do remember be so uplifted in spirit when kids from the other mountain came into our forest...to have a real life enemy to throw rocks at, shoot bb guns at, sling rocks out of slingshots at, build pits in the forest trail and covering them with thin twigs then the twigs being covered with pine needle to match the forest trail.
Tying a flagging marker to a limb nearby to signal us when to jump...which came in handy a few times while being chased. Though the sharpened sticks we had in the bottom of the shallow "trip me" hole didn't actually work as far as I know...they recovered from the fall and resumed the chase too quickly.
I most seriously doubt that I will ever forget the most spectacular sling shot accuracy imaginable. When one of the "enemies" had the nerve to come all the way to our area and steal one of our bicycles...I was dumbfounded. Had no idea people actually stole bikes, though I had heard of it...it was just kind of out there in a realm of "doubts" for some reason. Yet now it happened...and the kid was getting away!! I couldn't catch him on foot though I was climbing down the rocky bank to get to the road as fast as I could, he was going downhill on a bike!! Our bike!! From what had to have been over a hundred yards away my eldest brother drew our new surgical tubing slingshot back, angled it up into the air...and I'll be dad gum if that thing didn't come down and bean that kid in the head, knocked him CLEAN off that bike, course I was getting near in foot pursuit of the bike then...this kid takes off for home holding his head and letting out all kinds of promises of our death. When he fell off that bike I looked up at my older brother in complete shock but I remember his face being plain as if no shock, that was what he expected, it was what he did, why he shot it..so of course it hit him. Unbelievable.
Wish we had a book composed of all the stories from days gone by combined, though with time our Kid-fuzz on our memories is pretty variable.
Can you factually remember how many "rock fights" you've been in? (For those who may translate that differently, this is where someone picks up a rock and throws it at you and sometimes hits them, and they throw a rock back and this continues until someone strikes a blow that makes the other run off. That ended the fight and only if you were a sociopath would a victor continue throwing at the fleeing injured.
Personally, I can't remember but there were many. Commonly with a brother. But I do remember be so uplifted in spirit when kids from the other mountain came into our forest...to have a real life enemy to throw rocks at, shoot bb guns at, sling rocks out of slingshots at, build pits in the forest trail and covering them with thin twigs then the twigs being covered with pine needle to match the forest trail.
Tying a flagging marker to a limb nearby to signal us when to jump...which came in handy a few times while being chased. Though the sharpened sticks we had in the bottom of the shallow "trip me" hole didn't actually work as far as I know...they recovered from the fall and resumed the chase too quickly.
I most seriously doubt that I will ever forget the most spectacular sling shot accuracy imaginable. When one of the "enemies" had the nerve to come all the way to our area and steal one of our bicycles...I was dumbfounded. Had no idea people actually stole bikes, though I had heard of it...it was just kind of out there in a realm of "doubts" for some reason. Yet now it happened...and the kid was getting away!! I couldn't catch him on foot though I was climbing down the rocky bank to get to the road as fast as I could, he was going downhill on a bike!! Our bike!! From what had to have been over a hundred yards away my eldest brother drew our new surgical tubing slingshot back, angled it up into the air...and I'll be dad gum if that thing didn't come down and bean that kid in the head, knocked him CLEAN off that bike, course I was getting near in foot pursuit of the bike then...this kid takes off for home holding his head and letting out all kinds of promises of our death. When he fell off that bike I looked up at my older brother in complete shock but I remember his face being plain as if no shock, that was what he expected, it was what he did, why he shot it..so of course it hit him. Unbelievable.
Wish we had a book composed of all the stories from days gone by combined, though with time our Kid-fuzz on our memories is pretty variable.
When my time comes....
I wish everyone to have a good one, let me go rest in peace. Our love continues, God has opened the door. Please don't mourn you know it is beautiful here and I had no choice in the timing. Goodbye my friends..I love you...wow, so thats the Red Sea.
My friend Ruben Chance sent me this photo he took when he was catching a plane in the Red Sea territory. It resembles how I think I'll view this life on my way out, leaving it behind for an infinitely better realm. So I added my words of farewell for after I can no longer speak.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Goat Tears commercial
This one is worth watching full screen. When she reaches the end of collecting goats tears and offers "You want some?" it kills me.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Tuesday December 8th
Happy Birthday to my son, who has now parted towards his own path and bravely forges ahead as a solo warrior against the weight of the world.
It is wee hours of the morning as I pause to put some words in print to try to keep from getting in trouble for "failure to blog". LOL. There are two projects engaging me right now when I can keep myself on task. The Evony project, and The desktop assistant project (nope, no details are given on this right now but it should be the most fun project i can imagine). Turns out there are quite a few software programs that were installed on the laptop, but now are just in a folder on this hard drive. That is what this night has been about. Trying to get all my tools functional and ready for wrapping up project one.
I'm caught up on dishes and kitchen cleanliness, but getting a bit behind in laundry (for me that means 2 loads). It has been cold enough to get our attention in these parts...I've dug out my heavy jacket and the lighter ones to wear under it..but need to find my good warm gloves in the cave.
Don't expect me to be awake till the afternoon today!! I didn't get "off work" till late. Sometimes there is a need to blog that there is nothing to blog.
It is wee hours of the morning as I pause to put some words in print to try to keep from getting in trouble for "failure to blog". LOL. There are two projects engaging me right now when I can keep myself on task. The Evony project, and The desktop assistant project (nope, no details are given on this right now but it should be the most fun project i can imagine). Turns out there are quite a few software programs that were installed on the laptop, but now are just in a folder on this hard drive. That is what this night has been about. Trying to get all my tools functional and ready for wrapping up project one.
I'm caught up on dishes and kitchen cleanliness, but getting a bit behind in laundry (for me that means 2 loads). It has been cold enough to get our attention in these parts...I've dug out my heavy jacket and the lighter ones to wear under it..but need to find my good warm gloves in the cave.
Don't expect me to be awake till the afternoon today!! I didn't get "off work" till late. Sometimes there is a need to blog that there is nothing to blog.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Chore day
Beautiful weather day. Laundry took awhile today, one washing machine worked, one took the money and refused, then took the money and worked. ($2). Then the one dryer worked and one dryer didn't but i didn't retry it (1.25). Eventually got two loads done...all that was needed. Got one load of dishes done. Took the trash out.
Got the clothes folded. Flushed the holding tank and then the gray water so that should be good for another week. Little one got just a short run of driving practice in.
She's pretty good at keeping it very near the line, either the center or the shoulder. Today we were on a narrow 2 lane with no actual paint, an unmarked road...cruising along between 30-35 she met quite a few oncoming vehicles and each time kept it right on the right edge (where grass meets road) and learned to move her focus to the right line when meeting an oncoming vehicle...which is critical in night driving.
In the driveway she got to work the pedals and drive. Pretty smooth stops. I'm at least half as impressed as she is pleased. Trying to get the house stuff all caught up so I can get some intense work done next week...LG is going to help me tomorrow by walking by and handing me a handful of stuff to do something with if she sees me setting idle or distracted. If she can stay on task well enough, this just might work.
We've been discussing names alot lately, and that lead to a discussion of "Grace".
I tried to explain it in simple terms "that is being kind to someone because you are kind, even if they don't deserve it". She liked that answer and seemed to have a grasp of it. Made me think that a person can spend their entire lives comprehending the "Grace" characteristic of God's personality.
"Two men went up to the temple to pray," sounds like I'm starting a Jewish joke but actually this wasn't a joke but...a lesson about how God sees things...Jesus was talking..."one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, 'God, I thank Thee that I am not like other men--extortionists, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess'. But the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. (Luke 18.10-14)
I can try to imagine God's reaction to both prayers. Exalting myself to a satisfactory "label" of righteous living...is to fail to comprehend and treasure what happened in the death and resurrection of the Son of God. Its kind of telling God the sacrifice was a nice gesture but basically unnecessary at least as far as "me and my kind". It would be humbling to get put with the common passengers if I think my being on the flight was to be first class "based on merit". Comprehending the word "grace" is a growing experience, in that we comprehend it in more dimensions as we experience, as we grow.
I know the real "lesson" of that text is about self exaltation but patiently hear both prayers as you see God hearing them..knowing them as He knows them, loving them as He loves them...There is a deep message about the "Grace" aspect of God in that passage.
Ok, thats about all that has been on my mind this day...except I'm aching a great deal in all me bones today...feel like a rusty old man, but it'll pass, it'll pass.
Got the clothes folded. Flushed the holding tank and then the gray water so that should be good for another week. Little one got just a short run of driving practice in.
She's pretty good at keeping it very near the line, either the center or the shoulder. Today we were on a narrow 2 lane with no actual paint, an unmarked road...cruising along between 30-35 she met quite a few oncoming vehicles and each time kept it right on the right edge (where grass meets road) and learned to move her focus to the right line when meeting an oncoming vehicle...which is critical in night driving.
In the driveway she got to work the pedals and drive. Pretty smooth stops. I'm at least half as impressed as she is pleased. Trying to get the house stuff all caught up so I can get some intense work done next week...LG is going to help me tomorrow by walking by and handing me a handful of stuff to do something with if she sees me setting idle or distracted. If she can stay on task well enough, this just might work.
We've been discussing names alot lately, and that lead to a discussion of "Grace".
I tried to explain it in simple terms "that is being kind to someone because you are kind, even if they don't deserve it". She liked that answer and seemed to have a grasp of it. Made me think that a person can spend their entire lives comprehending the "Grace" characteristic of God's personality.
"Two men went up to the temple to pray," sounds like I'm starting a Jewish joke but actually this wasn't a joke but...a lesson about how God sees things...Jesus was talking..."one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, 'God, I thank Thee that I am not like other men--extortionists, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess'. But the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. (Luke 18.10-14)
I can try to imagine God's reaction to both prayers. Exalting myself to a satisfactory "label" of righteous living...is to fail to comprehend and treasure what happened in the death and resurrection of the Son of God. Its kind of telling God the sacrifice was a nice gesture but basically unnecessary at least as far as "me and my kind". It would be humbling to get put with the common passengers if I think my being on the flight was to be first class "based on merit". Comprehending the word "grace" is a growing experience, in that we comprehend it in more dimensions as we experience, as we grow.
I know the real "lesson" of that text is about self exaltation but patiently hear both prayers as you see God hearing them..knowing them as He knows them, loving them as He loves them...There is a deep message about the "Grace" aspect of God in that passage.
Ok, thats about all that has been on my mind this day...except I'm aching a great deal in all me bones today...feel like a rusty old man, but it'll pass, it'll pass.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
2009 Thanksgiving
Crossing the "bridge"
The danger that makes it fun:
The slippery water fall:
Looking for the tunnel...
The Tunnel found:
Trying to catch a gopher:
A good Thanksgiving!!
Followed by a long drive out to a low water bridge but the water was too high to explore the creek...but it led to LG's favorite part...she got to drive back...Did an excellent job too, she was reading the signs way ahead, keeping it in the lane good...she said the lesson she learned about driving today was "look far ahead instead of over the hood makes it easier to keep it in the lane".
The danger that makes it fun:
The slippery water fall:
Looking for the tunnel...
The Tunnel found:
Trying to catch a gopher:
A good Thanksgiving!!
Followed by a long drive out to a low water bridge but the water was too high to explore the creek...but it led to LG's favorite part...she got to drive back...Did an excellent job too, she was reading the signs way ahead, keeping it in the lane good...she said the lesson she learned about driving today was "look far ahead instead of over the hood makes it easier to keep it in the lane".
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The Exciting Adventures of the weekend
While worded through in a previous post, before the weekend ended we had one last trip to the most exciting event...the boyhood cabin, and there beside it..the grave...of a famous state politician. This was like being on ground royalty had walked on to my fascinated little friend. Today revisiting it she saw the gate she had squeezed through as the sun was going down last night...but this time she had more courage, she was determined to make it further...far enough to read the writing on the granite, and daring enough to approach the split rail fence gate.
Here the camera clicked just as she crouched to below chain level and began her "break-in" :
Then she makes her amazing shape shifter move.
Reverently reading the name and birth date and date of death of this great man of history.
Closer than she would have dared gone in the dim light of winter sundown..but only one more level of fear to overcome and she could actually stand in front of the door. Maybe another time..this adventure was mind blowing enough...and she shape shifted through the fence like a thin piece of paper and back to the car...the weekend adventures complete.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
The best day of my life
That is what my young one told me several times on the way home this evening.
We went to the park and walked down the hill to where a tree had fallen across the creek. In a flash childhood memories of walking on logs came back to me as she shimmied out onto that log till she was in the middle of the creek. When she got back to the bank, I started walking on the log out towards the middle...wow, what a ustacud feeling that was. However I kept my balance far enough for her to worry and insist I turn back...LOL.
Next we explored a small waterfall...which she traversed first, finding it to be quite slippery in the middle I was concisely warned of the slickness...after all what would an old man like me know about crossing the rock dam? She was proud that we both made it. We sat and watched this young woman running up the steps of this entire amphitheater, walk down , run back, walk down...many times...so naturally once we made it back across the dam...we were ready for our next adventure...the steps.
She started running up the stairs and got about a third the way up before she heard me giving it all i got pounding up the steps behind her...even with the extra 13 pounds I've put on during this past month of illness and bad weather, I caught her...but when we hit the top I stopped to catch up with my heartbeat...while she made a lap down and back up then stood panting beside me holding her chest like I was..LOL..
Then came time to go out onto another dam from which we returned and she picked up a stick and started breaking it into short 3 inch sticks and handing them out...we each got a stick for each adventure we had completed...we were now at 4 sticks apiece. As we headed up a dry creek and found a narrow tunnel that went under the road...that was amazing..her eyes were wide open, it was full of excitement....5 sticks.
Crossing the "shakey bridge", discovering and smelling and tasting wild onion, smashing cedar buds into our hands to smell the cedar, by the time she hit the swing she was going higher than any kid on the set...high as a person can go..she was getting that fall and chain jerk that happens when you go to the maximum height before the angle changes on bringing you back down...swinging hard and fast...setting up leaves in her breaks..leaves to "land in"....and back on the swing.
Then the greatest adventure of all...going to visit a little cabin and graveyard of a famous deceased legislature...the gates were locked but she was small enough to squeeze through..but that was as far as she wanted to go into this potentially "haunted" place..but she just felt such awe in having walked on ground and near this great man's house and grave.
Then we stopped by Grammys, but she's really on the down and sick tonight so we went on to the candy store where she got about a dollars worth of dime candy...and came home...she just kept saying "this is the best day of my life".
Amazing what 3 hours can mean to a kid when it is tuned to their nature...which for her is exploration and adventure. Amazing what it did for me..after all the work and time and joys and heart poured into earlier children...and seeing that dissolve as to even be beneath the basic politeness of Christian love...I think it was growing a bitterness in me that says children just are not worth it..no matter what sacrifices you make they still turn on you and it means all that you try to teach them of compassion, love, kindness, happiness, sing songs in the day, dance a jig when you're happy, struggle as hard as you have to to keep bills paid, and clothes on their backs and food in their tummys...means nothing to them....yet this last of the litter is getting my hopes up once again that maybe just maybe...a kid will grow up and benefit from wisdom and guidance and love and not scoff at it and reject it as stupid.
Her joy and excitement over the simple things in life delights my soul and lifts any bitter after taste. She reminds me of how I've lived...so much wonder, so much fascination, joy so ready at hand. She is so thankful for the life I've "given her" this day...as I often feel towards God for the days He has given me.
We went to the park and walked down the hill to where a tree had fallen across the creek. In a flash childhood memories of walking on logs came back to me as she shimmied out onto that log till she was in the middle of the creek. When she got back to the bank, I started walking on the log out towards the middle...wow, what a ustacud feeling that was. However I kept my balance far enough for her to worry and insist I turn back...LOL.
Next we explored a small waterfall...which she traversed first, finding it to be quite slippery in the middle I was concisely warned of the slickness...after all what would an old man like me know about crossing the rock dam? She was proud that we both made it. We sat and watched this young woman running up the steps of this entire amphitheater, walk down , run back, walk down...many times...so naturally once we made it back across the dam...we were ready for our next adventure...the steps.
She started running up the stairs and got about a third the way up before she heard me giving it all i got pounding up the steps behind her...even with the extra 13 pounds I've put on during this past month of illness and bad weather, I caught her...but when we hit the top I stopped to catch up with my heartbeat...while she made a lap down and back up then stood panting beside me holding her chest like I was..LOL..
Then came time to go out onto another dam from which we returned and she picked up a stick and started breaking it into short 3 inch sticks and handing them out...we each got a stick for each adventure we had completed...we were now at 4 sticks apiece. As we headed up a dry creek and found a narrow tunnel that went under the road...that was amazing..her eyes were wide open, it was full of excitement....5 sticks.
Crossing the "shakey bridge", discovering and smelling and tasting wild onion, smashing cedar buds into our hands to smell the cedar, by the time she hit the swing she was going higher than any kid on the set...high as a person can go..she was getting that fall and chain jerk that happens when you go to the maximum height before the angle changes on bringing you back down...swinging hard and fast...setting up leaves in her breaks..leaves to "land in"....and back on the swing.
Then the greatest adventure of all...going to visit a little cabin and graveyard of a famous deceased legislature...the gates were locked but she was small enough to squeeze through..but that was as far as she wanted to go into this potentially "haunted" place..but she just felt such awe in having walked on ground and near this great man's house and grave.
Then we stopped by Grammys, but she's really on the down and sick tonight so we went on to the candy store where she got about a dollars worth of dime candy...and came home...she just kept saying "this is the best day of my life".
Amazing what 3 hours can mean to a kid when it is tuned to their nature...which for her is exploration and adventure. Amazing what it did for me..after all the work and time and joys and heart poured into earlier children...and seeing that dissolve as to even be beneath the basic politeness of Christian love...I think it was growing a bitterness in me that says children just are not worth it..no matter what sacrifices you make they still turn on you and it means all that you try to teach them of compassion, love, kindness, happiness, sing songs in the day, dance a jig when you're happy, struggle as hard as you have to to keep bills paid, and clothes on their backs and food in their tummys...means nothing to them....yet this last of the litter is getting my hopes up once again that maybe just maybe...a kid will grow up and benefit from wisdom and guidance and love and not scoff at it and reject it as stupid.
Her joy and excitement over the simple things in life delights my soul and lifts any bitter after taste. She reminds me of how I've lived...so much wonder, so much fascination, joy so ready at hand. She is so thankful for the life I've "given her" this day...as I often feel towards God for the days He has given me.
Friday, November 20, 2009
FRIDAY...My car is ready for the inspector
When she gets out of school today I'm picking LG up and I'll see if she notices..the little toot.
Finally got some decent sleep last night...about time.
Have a bit to do before the weekend begins...and already got a pot of beans made last night that turned out awesome and will be even better today !
Finally got some decent sleep last night...about time.
Have a bit to do before the weekend begins...and already got a pot of beans made last night that turned out awesome and will be even better today !
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Computer repair
Part of getting my household organized involves getting a computer or two of the 6 i have in this little camper at the moment...to work. Almost had it and the lcd monitor hooked up to it didn't shut down..it just started flashing a full blue screen, then a full orange, green, white..etc..even when it was disconnected from the computer. Holding its power button down was ignored as well. Now that is a really crappy thing after i've worked thru the night swapping drives, testing this, testing that, changing settings, strapping the hard drive i was working on, onto another computer at the same time so I could check out the integrity of the drive.
I've got this to cross off today. I've got to go by the VA office today. And maybe take a nap while my beans cook. The batteries in my phone are down so it will be here at the house while I run to town. Now i'm going to be shutting this computer down because i need to use its monitor.
Got alot done yesterday..even put in an hour working on cleaning up the car. That was layer two of cleaning. That little rascally Grace Kelly was actually laughing when she opened the door to get in last time...stopped and turned around and said ..."Look Mom..see" and little one is just busting a gut laughing as she found my car dirty beyond comprehension. Little toot...half the crap I clean up on her side of the car is her discarded wrappers, suckers, gum, whatever.
Anyhow, not saying a word to her about it, but if she doesn't notice I'll either clean another layer of dirt off or go in and laugh at her room cause its worse!
Got my hair cut, picked up and went thru the mail. etc...but it felt good to get cleaned up and get out moving around again. Maybe won't be as scarry looking. :)
I've got this to cross off today. I've got to go by the VA office today. And maybe take a nap while my beans cook. The batteries in my phone are down so it will be here at the house while I run to town. Now i'm going to be shutting this computer down because i need to use its monitor.
Got alot done yesterday..even put in an hour working on cleaning up the car. That was layer two of cleaning. That little rascally Grace Kelly was actually laughing when she opened the door to get in last time...stopped and turned around and said ..."Look Mom..see" and little one is just busting a gut laughing as she found my car dirty beyond comprehension. Little toot...half the crap I clean up on her side of the car is her discarded wrappers, suckers, gum, whatever.
Anyhow, not saying a word to her about it, but if she doesn't notice I'll either clean another layer of dirt off or go in and laugh at her room cause its worse!
Got my hair cut, picked up and went thru the mail. etc...but it felt good to get cleaned up and get out moving around again. Maybe won't be as scarry looking. :)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Wednesday looks good
Weather looks tolerable this day, and the winds should be out of the South, for the next several days..so it will be nice to lift off the North window exterior cover and be able to see out it again if desired...though looking out the window isn't my usual activity.
Staying in yesterday helped the recovery from overdoing Monday...it feels so good to breathe. Good times, good times. So much to get done and get going but after learning my lesson, it is going to be at a moderate pace. Sure would love to go for a walk today..it has been maybe 3 weeks since I felt up to it .
Ok brother, I'm definitely going to push for the doctor to address the ADD possibility ! Reinforcements seem to be found everyday...like today, the 4 cups of water I put in the kettle for a hot green tea? It is 3 feet from the computer yet had boiled down to one cup of water by the time I remembered it. Oh well, the good news is..I'm definitely having a cup of hot green tea. (a cup). Seems like that boiling water kettle would have made a noise, it use too.
A shower sounds wonderful...as soon as this tea is sipped and enjoyed properly...a shower, and if the checkbook balance is ok..maybe a haircut. Then finish the projects on Gracie's bed so it is clear for when she returns in a couple days.
Visited with my old friend from days gone by for awhile last night and that was an enjoyable end to a low-level day. Having been best friends with Lewis in the early 70's when living in North Carolina...then by chance both families ending up in Lufkin, Texas by the mid 70's by odd coincidence..was the first time I actually had a friend be transferred into my childhood for a second run...pretty cool since my school days spanned over about 5 states. Alas no it wasn't Lewis I got to visit with but Kristie...she's been staying with her dad since their mom died to help him get life rolling solo. I bet that would be a great help, that is a tough adjustment. Both her and her brother Greg have had health problems with their eyes, she is now legally blind...not sure if Greg's has reached that or not.
Anyhow it was a pleasure to get caught up on their family stuff...Thanks Kristie! (Though I doubt seriously you know their is a blog out there somewhere with you mentioned..LOL). Wow now that thought could make a person paranoid. (Speaking of paranoia...check out this newspaper clipping from the public report in the blog post published earlier this morning).
Taking up your time and mine..smiles folks...the day is looking fine !!
Staying in yesterday helped the recovery from overdoing Monday...it feels so good to breathe. Good times, good times. So much to get done and get going but after learning my lesson, it is going to be at a moderate pace. Sure would love to go for a walk today..it has been maybe 3 weeks since I felt up to it .
Ok brother, I'm definitely going to push for the doctor to address the ADD possibility ! Reinforcements seem to be found everyday...like today, the 4 cups of water I put in the kettle for a hot green tea? It is 3 feet from the computer yet had boiled down to one cup of water by the time I remembered it. Oh well, the good news is..I'm definitely having a cup of hot green tea. (a cup). Seems like that boiling water kettle would have made a noise, it use too.
A shower sounds wonderful...as soon as this tea is sipped and enjoyed properly...a shower, and if the checkbook balance is ok..maybe a haircut. Then finish the projects on Gracie's bed so it is clear for when she returns in a couple days.
Visited with my old friend from days gone by for awhile last night and that was an enjoyable end to a low-level day. Having been best friends with Lewis in the early 70's when living in North Carolina...then by chance both families ending up in Lufkin, Texas by the mid 70's by odd coincidence..was the first time I actually had a friend be transferred into my childhood for a second run...pretty cool since my school days spanned over about 5 states. Alas no it wasn't Lewis I got to visit with but Kristie...she's been staying with her dad since their mom died to help him get life rolling solo. I bet that would be a great help, that is a tough adjustment. Both her and her brother Greg have had health problems with their eyes, she is now legally blind...not sure if Greg's has reached that or not.
Anyhow it was a pleasure to get caught up on their family stuff...Thanks Kristie! (Though I doubt seriously you know their is a blog out there somewhere with you mentioned..LOL). Wow now that thought could make a person paranoid. (Speaking of paranoia...check out this newspaper clipping from the public report in the blog post published earlier this morning).
Taking up your time and mine..smiles folks...the day is looking fine !!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Build your own happy place
If I when my wife is sleeping
and the baby and Kathleen
are sleeping
and the sun is a flame-white disc
in silken mists
above shining trees,--
if I in my north room
dance naked, grotesquely
before my mirror
waving my shirt round my head
and singing softly to myself:
"I am lonely, lonely.
I was born to be lonely,
I am best so!"
If I admire my arms, my face,
my shoulders, flanks, buttocks
again the yellow drawn shades,--
Who shall say I am not
the happy genius of my household?
(c. 1917 Robert Zverina's "Danse Russe")
That from a link my brother sent me,,,to that poem, that for some bizzarre reason, made him think it was something he could see me living out. LOL.
It's weird but it makes me chuckle...and reminds me of a youtube he posted that brightens my insides...featuring a Cat Stevens song where a guy is dancing..that youtube looked so much like my brother from a distance I thought he had finally made a vid !!
Delights my soul.
When I woke up this morning, having had a little better sleep than the night before but not much...I was drained, tired, cold, hungry, and thinking of all the blues that have come my way. I thought about people in nursing homes..the white, sterile, cold nursing homes...with no friends, no abilities, dependent, and my mind raced to find them something..."what about tv?" ..well, sometimes that can take you to a happy place. "What about computers?"..I mean, some of the old timers who live shut in at home alone could easily be taught Evony or some free online game that has a chat box, a function, a thing to do...that would be a cool charity...Internet equipping and training the capable but shut in.
Uggh, put off getting up another couple of hours, but once done I finished watching the movie I had put in hours earlier to help me fall asleep..it had worked..but now I wanted to know how it ended. "Bird on a wire" with Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn.
Read that poem above in my yahoo chat that bro had sent while i was asleep...made me laugh. The day was rolling now..LOL..once I can get that first laugh I'll find some more somewhere. "Oh yeah!" says I to myself...remembering what I bought in my industrious day yesterday.
All I had to do was throw a couple into the pan already on the stove and set the timer:
And then it would be time to turn them over for 4 minutes and delicious! and I'm hungry!
Trouble is...IF THIS BOX is left closed as it was today:
Then that little timer makes no audible sound...and the crispier side of life begins...
So now with sausage in my tummy and a peppy encouraging "poem" and the "youtube" video...Bring it on cold damp dreary windy chill...I'm a grinning.
and the baby and Kathleen
are sleeping
and the sun is a flame-white disc
in silken mists
above shining trees,--
if I in my north room
dance naked, grotesquely
before my mirror
waving my shirt round my head
and singing softly to myself:
"I am lonely, lonely.
I was born to be lonely,
I am best so!"
If I admire my arms, my face,
my shoulders, flanks, buttocks
again the yellow drawn shades,--
Who shall say I am not
the happy genius of my household?
(c. 1917 Robert Zverina's "Danse Russe")
That from a link my brother sent me,,,to that poem, that for some bizzarre reason, made him think it was something he could see me living out. LOL.
It's weird but it makes me chuckle...and reminds me of a youtube he posted that brightens my insides...featuring a Cat Stevens song where a guy is dancing..that youtube looked so much like my brother from a distance I thought he had finally made a vid !!
Delights my soul.
When I woke up this morning, having had a little better sleep than the night before but not much...I was drained, tired, cold, hungry, and thinking of all the blues that have come my way. I thought about people in nursing homes..the white, sterile, cold nursing homes...with no friends, no abilities, dependent, and my mind raced to find them something..."what about tv?" ..well, sometimes that can take you to a happy place. "What about computers?"..I mean, some of the old timers who live shut in at home alone could easily be taught Evony or some free online game that has a chat box, a function, a thing to do...that would be a cool charity...Internet equipping and training the capable but shut in.
Uggh, put off getting up another couple of hours, but once done I finished watching the movie I had put in hours earlier to help me fall asleep..it had worked..but now I wanted to know how it ended. "Bird on a wire" with Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn.
Read that poem above in my yahoo chat that bro had sent while i was asleep...made me laugh. The day was rolling now..LOL..once I can get that first laugh I'll find some more somewhere. "Oh yeah!" says I to myself...remembering what I bought in my industrious day yesterday.
All I had to do was throw a couple into the pan already on the stove and set the timer:
And then it would be time to turn them over for 4 minutes and delicious! and I'm hungry!
Trouble is...IF THIS BOX is left closed as it was today:
Then that little timer makes no audible sound...and the crispier side of life begins...
So now with sausage in my tummy and a peppy encouraging "poem" and the "youtube" video...Bring it on cold damp dreary windy chill...I'm a grinning.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
AFK
Internet slang for "Away From Keyboard", a nifty little acronym usually found in chat boxes to indicate the computer is still on, but any reply may be awhile because the operator is away from the computer. (Or else is just needing to focus on something and doesn't have a chance to visit at the moment).
This past few weeks I've largely been "AFK". And it has puzzled me to the point of deciding to launch an introspective research probe. Taking into consideration that it has been this way with me often throughout the history of my blogging or chatting..these periods of cybersilence, the research indicates it isn't a recent event that brought this on, though recent events even including a virus, have played a part.
Periods of my life are like this, where the umph just drops out and I kind of find my balance trying to concentrate on completion of simple household chores. (Like to take a shower...I've got a checklist in my head i focus on...got shampoo? got soap? got towel? got keys? Empty pockets? All water and fires or heaters shut off?
Maybe it is the culmination of all the circumstances and events and decisions and indecisions and uncertainties, and some desire to have a dream and truly reach for it. It kind of feels like life has been a wash in many aspects...you know the old story, the kids disown ya, deal with it, you really screwed up alot of stuff in your relationship choices and actions, tied to an area to be near family but needing a new town where people aren't talking bad about you behind your back.
Maybe it is just all the thinking about the job searches, the managing of money, building the VA case, getting loose ends tied up on half a dozen WAY overdue projects. I've got 3 weeks of mail setting beside me that I have only half heartedly leafed through to see if there was anything "serious". Just so many decisions to make and not wanting to make any decisions, but that not being a luxury..it then becomes a cumbersome necessity..which tends to drive me into the fog.
That 10 day meditation I thought my friend, mentor and older brother completely nuts for even considering...I find myself giving serious thought to..LOL. I had always joked about being ADD but when I took a couple of psych exam online tests and really read how "serious" it can impact, I'm going to be talking to the doctor about that. I have always hated the confused and frustrated expressions on peoples faces when visiting with them and I switch subjects so fast and sudden and constantly it gets confusing..and I know it, but can't seem to stop it.
Today I would say I'm content. Feeling better, getting the place caught up and cleaned up gradually. Feeling like the intensity surge may be coming back when i get the power surges for several weeks catching up and blazing a dozen new projects into existence...
Writers block. AFK. ADD. Whatever you want to call it..I'm fine, all is well, my brain is just sorting out other issues in life right now so the creative, talkative, expressive me is AFK.
Who knows though...may be posting like crazy all week.
Love the Lord your God with "All your heart", "all your soul", "all your mind", and love all other humans with the love and compassion and mercy you would want for yourself. As my oldest daughter once told me when I was struggling to get a lesson together for presentation at church she suggested "God is in Heaven, and now go home".
This past few weeks I've largely been "AFK". And it has puzzled me to the point of deciding to launch an introspective research probe. Taking into consideration that it has been this way with me often throughout the history of my blogging or chatting..these periods of cybersilence, the research indicates it isn't a recent event that brought this on, though recent events even including a virus, have played a part.
Periods of my life are like this, where the umph just drops out and I kind of find my balance trying to concentrate on completion of simple household chores. (Like to take a shower...I've got a checklist in my head i focus on...got shampoo? got soap? got towel? got keys? Empty pockets? All water and fires or heaters shut off?
Maybe it is the culmination of all the circumstances and events and decisions and indecisions and uncertainties, and some desire to have a dream and truly reach for it. It kind of feels like life has been a wash in many aspects...you know the old story, the kids disown ya, deal with it, you really screwed up alot of stuff in your relationship choices and actions, tied to an area to be near family but needing a new town where people aren't talking bad about you behind your back.
Maybe it is just all the thinking about the job searches, the managing of money, building the VA case, getting loose ends tied up on half a dozen WAY overdue projects. I've got 3 weeks of mail setting beside me that I have only half heartedly leafed through to see if there was anything "serious". Just so many decisions to make and not wanting to make any decisions, but that not being a luxury..it then becomes a cumbersome necessity..which tends to drive me into the fog.
That 10 day meditation I thought my friend, mentor and older brother completely nuts for even considering...I find myself giving serious thought to..LOL. I had always joked about being ADD but when I took a couple of psych exam online tests and really read how "serious" it can impact, I'm going to be talking to the doctor about that. I have always hated the confused and frustrated expressions on peoples faces when visiting with them and I switch subjects so fast and sudden and constantly it gets confusing..and I know it, but can't seem to stop it.
Today I would say I'm content. Feeling better, getting the place caught up and cleaned up gradually. Feeling like the intensity surge may be coming back when i get the power surges for several weeks catching up and blazing a dozen new projects into existence...
Writers block. AFK. ADD. Whatever you want to call it..I'm fine, all is well, my brain is just sorting out other issues in life right now so the creative, talkative, expressive me is AFK.
Who knows though...may be posting like crazy all week.
Love the Lord your God with "All your heart", "all your soul", "all your mind", and love all other humans with the love and compassion and mercy you would want for yourself. As my oldest daughter once told me when I was struggling to get a lesson together for presentation at church she suggested "God is in Heaven, and now go home".
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Gaps
"One can distinguish mania from the high energy of ADD by the level of intensity. An average person could simulate the energized state of ADD, but could not voluntarily reproduce the energy level of mania. Mania is the most extreme from of non-drug-induced drivenness that we know. The manic person can go without sleep for days, traveling the globe or spending his life's savings on wild schemes or making grandiose claims of self-importance or talking nonstop from morning until night.
"The manic individual is truly out of control. He cannot slow down. He does not just talk fast, he talks as if the words were being propelled from his mouth, a disconcerting symptom referred to as "pressured speech." Listening to someone who is in the grip of mania gives one the feeling of wanting to duck; the words seem to be thrown at you. A manic's mind leaps from topic to topic, like a frog jumping lily pads, alighting for a moment here only to spring away to another place. This symptom is aptly called "flight of ideas." It makes logical conversation of any length just about impossible. Let me give an example, taken from my days working on a psychiatric inpatient unit:
"'Good morning, Mr. Jones.'
"'Why good morning, Doctor, and good morning to all the lovely little squiggles you have on your tie, and to squiggles everywhere, who, by the way, are outward representations of chaos, a soon-to-be-quantified branch of physics and mathematics, which, if you haven't boned up on your integrals, will leave you without much hope of doing more than passing over the topic, as the cow passes over the moon in the ditty which you may have heard when you were a child. You were once a child, Doctor? It is safe to assume that we all were children once, that is a safe assumption, the first three letters of which are a-s-s so don't be an ass and assume anything, as my old teacher used to say. Sound advice, especially for a planetary stargazer, wouldn't you say? There is more in the stars than there is in every brain put together, like link sausages, a delicious breakfast at that!'
"While the individual with ADD can branch from topic to topic, he does not do so with the suddenness or pressuredness that the manic does. And while the person with ADD may be restless and full of energy, he is not driven by nearly the same horsepower as the manic."
That was found in an article http://borntoexplore.org/addmood.htm that was extremely interesting (if of course you've got an interest in the relationship and even possible misdiagnosis between ADD, ADHD, and bipolar or cyclothymia.
That being said, I'm thankful the bug has for the most part left me, though it decided to launch its grand finale as a case of the trots so after about 12-24 hours of bloating and sitting the energy bar is drained.
Excited about the week, many things to do, hopefully the energy to keep going.
"The manic individual is truly out of control. He cannot slow down. He does not just talk fast, he talks as if the words were being propelled from his mouth, a disconcerting symptom referred to as "pressured speech." Listening to someone who is in the grip of mania gives one the feeling of wanting to duck; the words seem to be thrown at you. A manic's mind leaps from topic to topic, like a frog jumping lily pads, alighting for a moment here only to spring away to another place. This symptom is aptly called "flight of ideas." It makes logical conversation of any length just about impossible. Let me give an example, taken from my days working on a psychiatric inpatient unit:
"'Good morning, Mr. Jones.'
"'Why good morning, Doctor, and good morning to all the lovely little squiggles you have on your tie, and to squiggles everywhere, who, by the way, are outward representations of chaos, a soon-to-be-quantified branch of physics and mathematics, which, if you haven't boned up on your integrals, will leave you without much hope of doing more than passing over the topic, as the cow passes over the moon in the ditty which you may have heard when you were a child. You were once a child, Doctor? It is safe to assume that we all were children once, that is a safe assumption, the first three letters of which are a-s-s so don't be an ass and assume anything, as my old teacher used to say. Sound advice, especially for a planetary stargazer, wouldn't you say? There is more in the stars than there is in every brain put together, like link sausages, a delicious breakfast at that!'
"While the individual with ADD can branch from topic to topic, he does not do so with the suddenness or pressuredness that the manic does. And while the person with ADD may be restless and full of energy, he is not driven by nearly the same horsepower as the manic."
That was found in an article http://borntoexplore.org/addmood.htm that was extremely interesting (if of course you've got an interest in the relationship and even possible misdiagnosis between ADD, ADHD, and bipolar or cyclothymia.
That being said, I'm thankful the bug has for the most part left me, though it decided to launch its grand finale as a case of the trots so after about 12-24 hours of bloating and sitting the energy bar is drained.
Excited about the week, many things to do, hopefully the energy to keep going.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Saturday before the time changes
That time of year again. Brisk. Peaceful. Calming.
A busy Friday then not being able to sleep (over did it a bit Friday) and here it is early Saturday morning. Fixed some hot "russian tea", and going to go back to bed maybe till noon. Winter is coming.
A busy Friday then not being able to sleep (over did it a bit Friday) and here it is early Saturday morning. Fixed some hot "russian tea", and going to go back to bed maybe till noon. Winter is coming.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Catching Up
Friday Morning. A full 7 days has completed since waking up with this virus. Feel much better though still have plenty of coughing up the white stuff, so not exerting much. Looks like I'll be on target to be non contagious and physically well enough to help out Monday and a bit Tuesday and maybe Wednesday as Pops and Ma get this massive fund raiser "store" set up and operated and taken back down...proceeds going to help fund the little medical outreach center to provide medical care for those that have nothing. Sometimes those two stay so busy doing stuff for people I get tired just imagining that much activity.
Camper Trailer living has proved to be very positive. One critical factor for both morale and hygiene in such small quarters is cleanliness and order. I'm still a long ways from having it pass a boot camp inspection...but with the improvement in my health the past few days I've proportionaltely increased efforts to restore. Meaning, the last two days I've washed and washed and washed..dishes, blankets, sheets, clothes, mirrors, sinks, counter tops, vacuumed the floor and have a few mud spots to take my scrub brush to on the carpet after all the running in and out in the mud fixing the break in the waterline inside.
Today waking up at 530 but it was still dark, I slept another couple hours off and on till finally getting up...saw that brother K had tried to chat a few times during the night..sent a reply..and surprisingly got one back..sucker was still awake!! But he was just on his way to bed. My only advice to him was "best off getting to bed while the woman is still in it". Anyhow...WHO AM I to give HIM marriage advice. (Yeah those who know my track record would find that hysterical).
Alot planned for the day. Hope to get to most of it. Throw the shampoo and soap into a plastic store sack, grab a towel, walk up to the showers, enjoy a nice hot shower on this brisk morning. Maybe get out the hair clippers and thin my moustache a bit..getting woolier than my head. Thinking about a haircut but not sure yet what to do with my hair this time...may go ahead and get a good clean up around the sides and back. Then I got some friends that need some help on a floor repair, so maybe head by the cave and pick up some tools and run knock that out. May get my old laptop while at the cave and take the hard drive out and hook to my usb attached enclosure that lets you plug in a notebook drive laptop. Transfer that over to this computer in a folder all its own.
Got some really good beans to reheat for first meal. Contrary to all modern day wisdom and knowledge...my diet works best if I don't eat a thing during the first 4-6 hours..feel the hunger...let the stomach contract...thats the idea. Now back to the beans...this time instead of just cutting up a couple pieces of bacon and throwing them into the pot to simmer the 3 hours with the beans...this time I "browned" the little bacon pieces in the skillet, lightly searing them on both sides...then dumped them bacon grease and all into the bean pot. Made a difference!For a couple cups of dry beans I also add about a third a stick of real butter, and close to a table spoon of salt, and a teaspon or two of fresh black pepper and stir it now and again half way thru the cooking. Cover with a lid that is vented. Yep that bacon trick improved it a BUNCH...gave the beans a hint of bacon flavor.
That will be my first meal, reheat that.
Other meal today, probably make some rice, stir in some drained mixed vegetables during the last 5 min of the rice simmer, then when it is all done, and finished its 5 min. covered cool down...Stir in a small can of tuna...and kick back, maybe watch a movie and eat it out of the pan.
This RV park has land all the way to the highway, it would be the ideal spot for a very very cool miniature golf course and this entire county virtually does not have one that is open and ready for business.
Still have alot to sort through and get done in here, and LG will be gone trick or treating and staying over with her friend, so ..here's to a productive weekend..let us hope :)
Camper Trailer living has proved to be very positive. One critical factor for both morale and hygiene in such small quarters is cleanliness and order. I'm still a long ways from having it pass a boot camp inspection...but with the improvement in my health the past few days I've proportionaltely increased efforts to restore. Meaning, the last two days I've washed and washed and washed..dishes, blankets, sheets, clothes, mirrors, sinks, counter tops, vacuumed the floor and have a few mud spots to take my scrub brush to on the carpet after all the running in and out in the mud fixing the break in the waterline inside.
Today waking up at 530 but it was still dark, I slept another couple hours off and on till finally getting up...saw that brother K had tried to chat a few times during the night..sent a reply..and surprisingly got one back..sucker was still awake!! But he was just on his way to bed. My only advice to him was "best off getting to bed while the woman is still in it". Anyhow...WHO AM I to give HIM marriage advice. (Yeah those who know my track record would find that hysterical).
Alot planned for the day. Hope to get to most of it. Throw the shampoo and soap into a plastic store sack, grab a towel, walk up to the showers, enjoy a nice hot shower on this brisk morning. Maybe get out the hair clippers and thin my moustache a bit..getting woolier than my head. Thinking about a haircut but not sure yet what to do with my hair this time...may go ahead and get a good clean up around the sides and back. Then I got some friends that need some help on a floor repair, so maybe head by the cave and pick up some tools and run knock that out. May get my old laptop while at the cave and take the hard drive out and hook to my usb attached enclosure that lets you plug in a notebook drive laptop. Transfer that over to this computer in a folder all its own.
Got some really good beans to reheat for first meal. Contrary to all modern day wisdom and knowledge...my diet works best if I don't eat a thing during the first 4-6 hours..feel the hunger...let the stomach contract...thats the idea. Now back to the beans...this time instead of just cutting up a couple pieces of bacon and throwing them into the pot to simmer the 3 hours with the beans...this time I "browned" the little bacon pieces in the skillet, lightly searing them on both sides...then dumped them bacon grease and all into the bean pot. Made a difference!For a couple cups of dry beans I also add about a third a stick of real butter, and close to a table spoon of salt, and a teaspon or two of fresh black pepper and stir it now and again half way thru the cooking. Cover with a lid that is vented. Yep that bacon trick improved it a BUNCH...gave the beans a hint of bacon flavor.
That will be my first meal, reheat that.
Other meal today, probably make some rice, stir in some drained mixed vegetables during the last 5 min of the rice simmer, then when it is all done, and finished its 5 min. covered cool down...Stir in a small can of tuna...and kick back, maybe watch a movie and eat it out of the pan.
This RV park has land all the way to the highway, it would be the ideal spot for a very very cool miniature golf course and this entire county virtually does not have one that is open and ready for business.
Still have alot to sort through and get done in here, and LG will be gone trick or treating and staying over with her friend, so ..here's to a productive weekend..let us hope :)
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Saturday...Virus.
First symptom: yesterday morning woke up with a sore throat and a tremendous amount of drainage making its way unrestricted down my throat. Fever, chills. Nose ran most of the day but the biggest part of it was backwards adding to the sore throat.
Could not get to sleep until somewhere around 5am this morning. Tired of laying in bed. Not as much fever so far today, but eyes feel like they are kind of dried out on the backside..how "eyes" feel in a bad head cold. Some periodic sneezing. Sometime during the night hours extreme brain pain (most people would probably call that a bad headache but not having much experience with headaches in my life it just struck me as "brain pain"....especially if I exerted any energy, even trying to stand up.)
Several types of virus are running wild in this town, I'm hopeful this is like the one little LG brought home from school...a couple days and i start feeling better, but will develop into a nasty cough...no coughing so far for me yet. That is just fine too, the battle with double pneumonia about 6 months back was rough enough.
So, visiting is "off the list" for today...this thing seems pretty highly contagious if it captured me and my immune system and overall health is great. Don't know how the day is going to go, will have to make a run to the pharmacist in a while for my monthly meds but other than that I plan on puttering around this place just enough to keep me fed. My eyes aren't enjoying television...so will probably rig the audible books through the 8 speaker system I connect them to and try to "read" that way.
My audible book collection is pretty awesome...so if someone out there with the same in printed text is losing their eyesight over the next few years...we may need to get in touch and make a trade.
Think it is looking like a great day out the window. Plan to have a great day resting. Many trails I've walked in life didn't permit me to rest when I felt like this...but my current one does, so I'll enjoy it. Be well. Enjoy your weekends.
Could not get to sleep until somewhere around 5am this morning. Tired of laying in bed. Not as much fever so far today, but eyes feel like they are kind of dried out on the backside..how "eyes" feel in a bad head cold. Some periodic sneezing. Sometime during the night hours extreme brain pain (most people would probably call that a bad headache but not having much experience with headaches in my life it just struck me as "brain pain"....especially if I exerted any energy, even trying to stand up.)
Several types of virus are running wild in this town, I'm hopeful this is like the one little LG brought home from school...a couple days and i start feeling better, but will develop into a nasty cough...no coughing so far for me yet. That is just fine too, the battle with double pneumonia about 6 months back was rough enough.
So, visiting is "off the list" for today...this thing seems pretty highly contagious if it captured me and my immune system and overall health is great. Don't know how the day is going to go, will have to make a run to the pharmacist in a while for my monthly meds but other than that I plan on puttering around this place just enough to keep me fed. My eyes aren't enjoying television...so will probably rig the audible books through the 8 speaker system I connect them to and try to "read" that way.
My audible book collection is pretty awesome...so if someone out there with the same in printed text is losing their eyesight over the next few years...we may need to get in touch and make a trade.
Think it is looking like a great day out the window. Plan to have a great day resting. Many trails I've walked in life didn't permit me to rest when I felt like this...but my current one does, so I'll enjoy it. Be well. Enjoy your weekends.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Love this day so far !
Sunday of this week the busy day of interaction ended with about 3 and half hours of driving and going home and then getting to relax and let go and enjoy the solitude...but between completely-realistic 3d nightmares about dumb stuff this last time, the story played out with the convict who had wronged me was allowed a furrough and he drove himself to prison in his immaculately kept, brand new condition, 1971 short bed Ford...he had even left it that early-seventies green.
But even as I glared at him walk up and immediately be handcuffed and shackled and the walk begins around to the entry gate. His prison term was quite a few years but I still felt unavenged..so noticing he had left his keys and all "contraban" in the truck and had not locked the door. The slot where the key goes the "ignition" was a push button...you held it in the starter turned...but in line to exit I realized somehow I had stolen the wrong truck this was a high up in the correction facilities guards. And they are going to recognize their coworkers truck. I'm going end up in prison trying to get my vengeance. Waking up from that in complete darkness that wasn't the cell I had gone to sleep in...was disorienting, and as it came to me that "all that" was a dream, a nightmare. My day of water leaks etcetera began and continued into the next day.
I've been so intense on restoring my ability to do some online work, overcome the water disaster, get the house back together again and clean, loving this computer, that the one thing I really want to do, since I worked through the night getting this system started as far as set up and usable. But I'm going to stop for awhile, maybe the day, because I'm tired. And it is ok to be tired. It is simply how a person truly feels.
That water leak kind of "shook me", I had only the basic idea where the lines were.
I'm glad it isn't pouring down right now like it was on my drive back from the city last night over that computer. Then chose the wrong path, heavy road construction probably close to an hour extra to the trip home. That was some heavy rain in the dark on not well marked roads with some traffic trying to go 65 but there were hydroplane spots at 55. I just let them go right on by. But few did because this was some heavy rain.
Ok its all unloaded, I'm going to restg awhile...lol.
But even as I glared at him walk up and immediately be handcuffed and shackled and the walk begins around to the entry gate. His prison term was quite a few years but I still felt unavenged..so noticing he had left his keys and all "contraban" in the truck and had not locked the door. The slot where the key goes the "ignition" was a push button...you held it in the starter turned...but in line to exit I realized somehow I had stolen the wrong truck this was a high up in the correction facilities guards. And they are going to recognize their coworkers truck. I'm going end up in prison trying to get my vengeance. Waking up from that in complete darkness that wasn't the cell I had gone to sleep in...was disorienting, and as it came to me that "all that" was a dream, a nightmare. My day of water leaks etcetera began and continued into the next day.
I've been so intense on restoring my ability to do some online work, overcome the water disaster, get the house back together again and clean, loving this computer, that the one thing I really want to do, since I worked through the night getting this system started as far as set up and usable. But I'm going to stop for awhile, maybe the day, because I'm tired. And it is ok to be tired. It is simply how a person truly feels.
That water leak kind of "shook me", I had only the basic idea where the lines were.
I'm glad it isn't pouring down right now like it was on my drive back from the city last night over that computer. Then chose the wrong path, heavy road construction probably close to an hour extra to the trip home. That was some heavy rain in the dark on not well marked roads with some traffic trying to go 65 but there were hydroplane spots at 55. I just let them go right on by. But few did because this was some heavy rain.
Ok its all unloaded, I'm going to restg awhile...lol.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A thousand dollars a crack
Life has been very, very tough this week on people I know. Though mine hasn't been a bed of roses, by comparison my few complaints would seem so lame...but that is why you find them in this blog instead of the Times magazine. Besides, even though you are reading this, it is primarily a historic marker for my ownself or an update to family.
What is today anyhow !! Wednesday. Monday the water line from the hot water heater started leaking and the floor got wet. It was a simple matter of cutting off the water, tightening the nut on the CTS/PEX elbow screwed onto the outlet. Water back on and all was well until later that day and the problem was back, but stronger. Cut the water off and go to bed.
Tuesday morning...new priorities...repair water line. Go to hardware store, buy a union connector to connect that PEX line to a much easier to work with CVPC plastic line for hot water. Then a couple more fittings and some glue...$20 spent and a third of the day later the water line is fixed again but this time the culprit (crack in an elbow) is replaced. Turn the water on and come meandering back into the house.
High pressure jet streams of water going in multiple directions...quick run for the shut off, and return to assess damage and begin damage control. That stream of water went far, even reached my laptop computer that was turned on and on the little table on the bed. In fact there seemed to be a dedicated stream apportioned just to it...because it was extremely wet, and extremely "brokeded" (quote from "the longest yard" with Adam Sandler).
The carpet was soaked but even now that is gradually drying up with a combination of a ceramic heater and a fan blowing over it and warming it up to dry the deeper wetness. The laptop...which was my connection with income, and the world..was inconsolable. The water was cut off. I woke into the day after an entire night of nightmares so real that I actually wished one of them was just a nightmare but somehow "knew" it sadly was not...when I did wake up..I was confused as to where I was. (This is new to me only a couple nights lately have I ever had "serious" nightmares") First priority of the day today Fix the leak and recover from the damage.
Yet unable to be both at the leak site that I thought was repaired and at the outside water shut off at the same time so it was time to call Pops. Poor guy waited outside the gate till someone coming in carded in. "Why didn't you call me?" I asked, more than glad to have gone and keyed the gate open..."We tried, a couple times". Glancing at my phone, sure enough, multiple missed calls. "Ahhh dang it..that ringer doesn't work either!" (I've been trying to get a ringer that I can hear "most" of the time by changing frequencies of tones selected...another problem that I "thought" was fixed).
Anyhow he was able to see quickly that it was coming out of that fancy union that I had installed (that joins PEX or CTS with regular CPVC hot/cold plastic pipe). "That was a $6 connection piece!", "Well, it doesn't work". A study of it revealed that maybe the piece of pipe I had cut to go between it and the elbow wasn't long enough to fully seat in the compression union coupling. Back to the store.
After reworking it and putting a piece in that was just about one inch longer, the connection seated good and here came the test...YES!! Connection held!! Water problem fixed...now to start on the damage control.
That flooded floor. Set ceramic heater on the carpet and set a fan at the other end of the big wet spot. Pops heads home with my gratitude for being there to identify the source and for going with me to the hardware store..he even bought the parts this time. All of a sudden the floor started getting SUPER SOAKED coming from the bathroom. I ran in to discover that while the water was shut off I had left the sink faucet on...and somehow, though it hasn't happened before, the stopper in the sink had floated or fallen closed and maybe 10 gallons of water had overflowed the sink and joined the wet spot. Sheesh#@$% ! Quickly solved. A full-hearing person would have heard that water running in the sink, there are some distinct disadvantages here!!
Finally everything getting back to order but now out of work with no working computer. Go to staples...no more laptops...too hard to work on. Didn't find anything within my budget which was either part of the $150 left on my overdraft limit or they sold it to me on payments. They advised it is a couple weeks till credit approval is made. My older brother calls me to tell me Craigs list shows a guy has one for sale an hour and half away in mint condition for $140. Desktop, but no LCD monitor, but a really good 19" CRT monitor, was just formatted and windows xp pro put back on it and all drivers downloaded. "mint condition".
It was an hour and a half, timed it perfectly, walked inside, visited with the guy, totally checked out the computer, it starts pouring down rain but I don't hear it. He gets a big trash bag for carrying the monitor to the car because of the rain. "Ahhh..wasn't raining a bit" I exclaimed with relief. "It's pouring down hard now though, can't you hear that?" came his bewildered reply. Uggh, "no". Anyhow got it all to the car, headed to Best Buy to clean out the rest of my overdraft and the rest of my pocket cash to buy a wi fi usb connector.
So though it is "officially" Thursday. This is my Wednesday night post. The wet portion of the floor is getting smaller. The bed above the water lines is reassembled. I'm able to get back to work online! All the challenges and disruptions so far this week have basically been handled and though I'll be delayed a while with the loss of data and programs on the old work-laptop...guess it is a matter of keeping on keeping on until all the obstacles are overcome and the job is done.
One little crack in an old plastic elbow... .
What is today anyhow !! Wednesday. Monday the water line from the hot water heater started leaking and the floor got wet. It was a simple matter of cutting off the water, tightening the nut on the CTS/PEX elbow screwed onto the outlet. Water back on and all was well until later that day and the problem was back, but stronger. Cut the water off and go to bed.
Tuesday morning...new priorities...repair water line. Go to hardware store, buy a union connector to connect that PEX line to a much easier to work with CVPC plastic line for hot water. Then a couple more fittings and some glue...$20 spent and a third of the day later the water line is fixed again but this time the culprit (crack in an elbow) is replaced. Turn the water on and come meandering back into the house.
High pressure jet streams of water going in multiple directions...quick run for the shut off, and return to assess damage and begin damage control. That stream of water went far, even reached my laptop computer that was turned on and on the little table on the bed. In fact there seemed to be a dedicated stream apportioned just to it...because it was extremely wet, and extremely "brokeded" (quote from "the longest yard" with Adam Sandler).
The carpet was soaked but even now that is gradually drying up with a combination of a ceramic heater and a fan blowing over it and warming it up to dry the deeper wetness. The laptop...which was my connection with income, and the world..was inconsolable. The water was cut off. I woke into the day after an entire night of nightmares so real that I actually wished one of them was just a nightmare but somehow "knew" it sadly was not...when I did wake up..I was confused as to where I was. (This is new to me only a couple nights lately have I ever had "serious" nightmares") First priority of the day today Fix the leak and recover from the damage.
Yet unable to be both at the leak site that I thought was repaired and at the outside water shut off at the same time so it was time to call Pops. Poor guy waited outside the gate till someone coming in carded in. "Why didn't you call me?" I asked, more than glad to have gone and keyed the gate open..."We tried, a couple times". Glancing at my phone, sure enough, multiple missed calls. "Ahhh dang it..that ringer doesn't work either!" (I've been trying to get a ringer that I can hear "most" of the time by changing frequencies of tones selected...another problem that I "thought" was fixed).
Anyhow he was able to see quickly that it was coming out of that fancy union that I had installed (that joins PEX or CTS with regular CPVC hot/cold plastic pipe). "That was a $6 connection piece!", "Well, it doesn't work". A study of it revealed that maybe the piece of pipe I had cut to go between it and the elbow wasn't long enough to fully seat in the compression union coupling. Back to the store.
After reworking it and putting a piece in that was just about one inch longer, the connection seated good and here came the test...YES!! Connection held!! Water problem fixed...now to start on the damage control.
That flooded floor. Set ceramic heater on the carpet and set a fan at the other end of the big wet spot. Pops heads home with my gratitude for being there to identify the source and for going with me to the hardware store..he even bought the parts this time. All of a sudden the floor started getting SUPER SOAKED coming from the bathroom. I ran in to discover that while the water was shut off I had left the sink faucet on...and somehow, though it hasn't happened before, the stopper in the sink had floated or fallen closed and maybe 10 gallons of water had overflowed the sink and joined the wet spot. Sheesh#@$% ! Quickly solved. A full-hearing person would have heard that water running in the sink, there are some distinct disadvantages here!!
Finally everything getting back to order but now out of work with no working computer. Go to staples...no more laptops...too hard to work on. Didn't find anything within my budget which was either part of the $150 left on my overdraft limit or they sold it to me on payments. They advised it is a couple weeks till credit approval is made. My older brother calls me to tell me Craigs list shows a guy has one for sale an hour and half away in mint condition for $140. Desktop, but no LCD monitor, but a really good 19" CRT monitor, was just formatted and windows xp pro put back on it and all drivers downloaded. "mint condition".
It was an hour and a half, timed it perfectly, walked inside, visited with the guy, totally checked out the computer, it starts pouring down rain but I don't hear it. He gets a big trash bag for carrying the monitor to the car because of the rain. "Ahhh..wasn't raining a bit" I exclaimed with relief. "It's pouring down hard now though, can't you hear that?" came his bewildered reply. Uggh, "no". Anyhow got it all to the car, headed to Best Buy to clean out the rest of my overdraft and the rest of my pocket cash to buy a wi fi usb connector.
So though it is "officially" Thursday. This is my Wednesday night post. The wet portion of the floor is getting smaller. The bed above the water lines is reassembled. I'm able to get back to work online! All the challenges and disruptions so far this week have basically been handled and though I'll be delayed a while with the loss of data and programs on the old work-laptop...guess it is a matter of keeping on keeping on until all the obstacles are overcome and the job is done.
One little crack in an old plastic elbow... .
Monday, October 19, 2009
An affordable boss
To succeed in any endeavor a good "bossman" is needed who knows what you need to be doing and how to do it and tells ya what you need to do next. I have hired a new bossman for my projects and I aint having to pay him a thing. So my ebook may be partially scrapped right now as I sell my 2 major competitors books from my websites and draw commission. Though in my spare time while the boss aint looking I still want to quickly finish and publish mine and "affiliate market" IT alongside my competitors. LOL.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
"WOO HOO!"
Hands clenched and thrust up in excitement "woo hoo!" jetting out from your smiling mouth. What would that take? You owe it to yourself to take minutes or hours or sessions to make your list or even find your few...things that would break you out of your wearisome labors and burdens and pains and responsibilities and conflicts and even for an hour have you doing a little jig and shouting out "woo hoo!" like a kid that just got told "get in the car I'm taking you to six flags". What would that take?
Wow...bet you didn't know your brain was clamped down that tight, makes it hard to even grasp doesn't it. Figure out a few woo hoo's.
Wow...bet you didn't know your brain was clamped down that tight, makes it hard to even grasp doesn't it. Figure out a few woo hoo's.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Shower in the dark
Good morning :)
Short quick post since I'm headed out the door to pick up Little biscuit. Sleep patterns haven't formed a pattern yet, so it feels like the irregularity (new to me) leaves me both tired and rested at the same time. Curious feeling to be sure.
Walked up to the camp shower this morning. Opening the door, the lights are off as usual since seldom is there ever anybody in there. The Men's shower room is what long ago would have been called a two-Holer since it has two toilets enclosed in stalls and two separate showers. Thus far in my experience nobody else has been in there so it is nice to have such a big convenience facility totally to my self.
After adjusting the water temperature and setting the shampoo bottle in the usual corner and the soap box in the other corner, I went ahead and just turned out the lights. A peaceful experience indeed to shower in complete blindness, with hot water on a cold morning. It was completely pitch black dark.
By the time my hair was washed though, things were different...I could vaguely see the sink through the frosted shower door and could definitely see the light above and below the entry door. By the time the shower was complete it felt like there was a 4 watt night light on. My eyes had "adjusted" to the darkness.
Interesting experience. Reminded me of when I was welding 12 hour shifts at Lufkin Industries making Oil pumping units in a very loud factory. When the shift was over and I fired up my Suzuki motorcycle if it were not for the tach I wouldn't know it was running. The ride home was silent. The shower when I got home was silent, I couldn't hear the water at all. Now THAT was an odd experience but peaceful.
Strange how when we shut off a sense or two, a small touch of sensory deprivation, the world becomes even more peaceful and smaller somehow. Anyhow, Definitely need to be on the road now so have a great day one and all...and next time you get a chance to shower in complete darkness...it is a cool experience! :)
Short quick post since I'm headed out the door to pick up Little biscuit. Sleep patterns haven't formed a pattern yet, so it feels like the irregularity (new to me) leaves me both tired and rested at the same time. Curious feeling to be sure.
Walked up to the camp shower this morning. Opening the door, the lights are off as usual since seldom is there ever anybody in there. The Men's shower room is what long ago would have been called a two-Holer since it has two toilets enclosed in stalls and two separate showers. Thus far in my experience nobody else has been in there so it is nice to have such a big convenience facility totally to my self.
After adjusting the water temperature and setting the shampoo bottle in the usual corner and the soap box in the other corner, I went ahead and just turned out the lights. A peaceful experience indeed to shower in complete blindness, with hot water on a cold morning. It was completely pitch black dark.
By the time my hair was washed though, things were different...I could vaguely see the sink through the frosted shower door and could definitely see the light above and below the entry door. By the time the shower was complete it felt like there was a 4 watt night light on. My eyes had "adjusted" to the darkness.
Interesting experience. Reminded me of when I was welding 12 hour shifts at Lufkin Industries making Oil pumping units in a very loud factory. When the shift was over and I fired up my Suzuki motorcycle if it were not for the tach I wouldn't know it was running. The ride home was silent. The shower when I got home was silent, I couldn't hear the water at all. Now THAT was an odd experience but peaceful.
Strange how when we shut off a sense or two, a small touch of sensory deprivation, the world becomes even more peaceful and smaller somehow. Anyhow, Definitely need to be on the road now so have a great day one and all...and next time you get a chance to shower in complete darkness...it is a cool experience! :)
Monday, October 12, 2009
Underground House
Here it is just barely past midnight so the start of Tuesday has arrived. Looks like the next 5 hours or so may be productive time, trying to complete a more comprehensive and a bit more in depth research for my next squidoo lens...at this point this will either make number 6 or 7 or 8...can't remember at the moment. I do plan on getting at least 50 more out there over the next two months in addition to finishing the book...so don't think me poor, lonely and bored. LOL. I'm just underfunded, living a quiet life, staying very busy...doing projects that are enjoyable though sometimes tedious.
Each article I learn a bit more that helps simplify the publication and very very gradually learning a bit more how to maximize the potential income from each article. That part will be my "tweaking" after I get the articles out there. There are some interesting "smart" ways to go about the article subjects selected...that part I'm leaving mostly up to my editor to decide for me and help me have a list to choose one of my interest.
My little tree monkey in the picture isn't feeling too good, low grade fever past couple days, she may be getting into the doctor today and since school is out Thursday and Friday anyhow...I'm hoping she'll just park it over here in her comfortable bed or on the couch and spend the rest of the week getting well.
That picture and the following one of her cutting firewood (and yes she followed the safety instructions very very conscientiously and cut several good size logs for the campfire), are from our campout about a month or so ago...guess it was in August..wow time flies. Anyhow...Good morning to you and may your day be enjoyed.
Friday, October 09, 2009
Friday, your day my night
It is almost 5am...and still raining. I'll make a run for the hot showers as soon as it breaks, and call it a day. Got that one article researched and published on Squidoo...This one I've kind of worked the title and key words that had "good numbers" according to K so it will be an enjoyable experiment. Already started on a new one, plus still putting in time on the book. So with no external time structure I seem to have ended up on the night shift. Always did like working night shift. Good morning to most of you, Goodnight from me.
Monday, October 05, 2009
The day after
So tired, but so much to do. Been a busy week end ! But busy with such that makes us call life "good". Wash all the dishes and get them put away. Hang up her coat, put up her toothbrush, put away the "fire bowl" into "her" cabinets. Take out the trash. Clean the counters and the stove
. Had very few things to get done today business wise, but giving myself the day off because when I think about it...It feels like I need it.
Then remembered I had a 930 "soft" appt. to meet with my ear doc because my repaired left hearing aid was in. Got there about 10:30 and waited close to 45 minutes. He's the kindest man, very tall and lean and compassionate. Seems like they are functioning well so I head for the phone place to pay my pay in advance cool phone plan, but they only take cash I gotta call this 3 digit number and give them my card number over the phone to set the payments up that way instead of cash. Wow, the world is so different than when I walked the streets as a boy.
The night was short, think it was 5am when the pillow pulled me with a tractor beam. And 10 when I got up...and it was a gradual waking to the productivity demands of the day.
I see this or that and it reminds me of what she said or did involving the item and I'm "reliving" the weekend.
How I wish every parent could treasure this experience, at least twice a month you have one on one time with each child. whether it is playing games or driving or laughing together, sharing a movie, but part or most of it should be "talking" to "understand/meet/learn" your child and who they are becoming. Our time is devoted to each other. The urgents that "must be done" are just done together.
It was a good time, a very good time spent with my kid. But today, being a bit old, I paid with pain and tiredness and business...but it was worth it and always will be.
. Had very few things to get done today business wise, but giving myself the day off because when I think about it...It feels like I need it.
Then remembered I had a 930 "soft" appt. to meet with my ear doc because my repaired left hearing aid was in. Got there about 10:30 and waited close to 45 minutes. He's the kindest man, very tall and lean and compassionate. Seems like they are functioning well so I head for the phone place to pay my pay in advance cool phone plan, but they only take cash I gotta call this 3 digit number and give them my card number over the phone to set the payments up that way instead of cash. Wow, the world is so different than when I walked the streets as a boy.
The night was short, think it was 5am when the pillow pulled me with a tractor beam. And 10 when I got up...and it was a gradual waking to the productivity demands of the day.
I see this or that and it reminds me of what she said or did involving the item and I'm "reliving" the weekend.
How I wish every parent could treasure this experience, at least twice a month you have one on one time with each child. whether it is playing games or driving or laughing together, sharing a movie, but part or most of it should be "talking" to "understand/meet/learn" your child and who they are becoming. Our time is devoted to each other. The urgents that "must be done" are just done together.
It was a good time, a very good time spent with my kid. But today, being a bit old, I paid with pain and tiredness and business...but it was worth it and always will be.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Conditioning for the "Empty Nest"
The house is full of her presence, the days were full of "her"... 
...then a couple hours later: I return to the very same house, open the door, but she is gone.
I see the very same "toys" and jackets scattered, the tv is still on "her" channel, the dishes kind of piled up because like in a race the last part of the lap you "sprint". Not wasting minutes doing dishes when they can be done after she's gone.
But as I look at the plates and utensils it reminds me of how the past two days have been spent: outdoor propane grilling together,(today even in a cold drizzle with our coats on we roasted hot dogs), her unopened pine cones (that she had me pick from a tree in the wal-mart parking lot) for her "experiment" laying on the table, her small antique "colonial" knife in its holster there by the cones, (It was a personal "treasure"/"keepsake" of mine I bought at a garage sale off an old timer...but gave it to her, my youngest, my last child)...but she has to keep it here, in a specific drawer...it can never go to her "other" home because it would get lost and it would be forbidden there.
I see the pottery bowl full of burned matches. She loves to light those kitchen stick matches and watch them burn down as far as they will...so I got that " 10 inch? pie-plate-shaped" clay planter base and keep it here on the table when she is here and hand her a big box of matches but limit her to 20-30 each weekend.
Today she kept lighting this candle I have, which has some kind of problem right now because it puts up about a 4 inch flame and sets off the smoke detector. She would laugh and blow it out and the smoke detector would soon quit.
She talked me out of involving her in her second domino game, but she won't next time. We only play a couple hands or so, and don't keep score, just trying to get the thinking in her head and the quick adding and considering of alternative possibles... personally I think teaching domino playing to my 8 year old is not only appropriate..but a responsibility, considering how advanced her mind is.
The pink toothbrush still on the bathroom counter, her bed still sloppily made, but made (just trying to get the habit down first...we'll work on neatness as we go along).
But her "presence", her "vibrancy" ...is noticeably absent. The house is quiet, except for that noise coming from that cartoon channel, I can't make out the words it is just noise. I miss her. Our beds are across the isle thru the camper from each other, often one of us turns over and our eyes meet. We smile. We sleep in peace. She is 100% comfortable here.
There is no boredom she is busy constantly...experimenting, watching a favorite cartoon, playing UNO, or checkers, or helping cook a meal, or out walking in the grass exploring. She even helped me gather blocks to correct the slope of the rv sewer line...and learned what it was, how it worked, and why the slope was important.
She has an extremely good mother so I am completely at peace about her while she is away...but I miss her. And I already look forward to her next visit. So while raising kids joint custody is nightmarish in many ways...it has two major blessings: It gives me entire days each month to primarily focus on spending time visiting with and living alongside my child. And it gives the "empty nest" sinking feeling I get every time I "return her" and then come back and walk back in the door and she is not here. Hopefully this will make the "empty nest" syndrome much more bearable. Who knows maybe my grandkids won't be banned from seeing me by then. (No, I didn't ban them, I'm just kind of disowned as a father), and LG will visit often and I may be needing to get a smaller camper to enjoy my hermitude. :) (Wonder why spell-check underlined that, I'm pretty sure the dictionary wouldn't "get" it. I right clicked the red line and selected "add to dictionary").
But I feel for people going thru the empty-nest syndrome. In a small way, I get to go through that often...and I think it helps me keep my perspective of how vital this time together is. Wish I would have had that with my oldest ones....ahhh, another advantage/curse of being older, all the things you wish you would have done different with your youngens. (had to add that to the dictionary too- though the concept of "I'd have done different" is a common thought as we age).
All lessons and morale of the story aside. It has been another wonderful weekend with my daughter and I loved every minute of it.
...then a couple hours later: I return to the very same house, open the door, but she is gone.
I see the very same "toys" and jackets scattered, the tv is still on "her" channel, the dishes kind of piled up because like in a race the last part of the lap you "sprint". Not wasting minutes doing dishes when they can be done after she's gone.
But as I look at the plates and utensils it reminds me of how the past two days have been spent: outdoor propane grilling together,(today even in a cold drizzle with our coats on we roasted hot dogs), her unopened pine cones (that she had me pick from a tree in the wal-mart parking lot) for her "experiment" laying on the table, her small antique "colonial" knife in its holster there by the cones, (It was a personal "treasure"/"keepsake" of mine I bought at a garage sale off an old timer...but gave it to her, my youngest, my last child)...but she has to keep it here, in a specific drawer...it can never go to her "other" home because it would get lost and it would be forbidden there.
I see the pottery bowl full of burned matches. She loves to light those kitchen stick matches and watch them burn down as far as they will...so I got that " 10 inch? pie-plate-shaped" clay planter base and keep it here on the table when she is here and hand her a big box of matches but limit her to 20-30 each weekend.
Today she kept lighting this candle I have, which has some kind of problem right now because it puts up about a 4 inch flame and sets off the smoke detector. She would laugh and blow it out and the smoke detector would soon quit.She talked me out of involving her in her second domino game, but she won't next time. We only play a couple hands or so, and don't keep score, just trying to get the thinking in her head and the quick adding and considering of alternative possibles... personally I think teaching domino playing to my 8 year old is not only appropriate..but a responsibility, considering how advanced her mind is.
The pink toothbrush still on the bathroom counter, her bed still sloppily made, but made (just trying to get the habit down first...we'll work on neatness as we go along).
But her "presence", her "vibrancy" ...is noticeably absent. The house is quiet, except for that noise coming from that cartoon channel, I can't make out the words it is just noise. I miss her. Our beds are across the isle thru the camper from each other, often one of us turns over and our eyes meet. We smile. We sleep in peace. She is 100% comfortable here.
There is no boredom she is busy constantly...experimenting, watching a favorite cartoon, playing UNO, or checkers, or helping cook a meal, or out walking in the grass exploring. She even helped me gather blocks to correct the slope of the rv sewer line...and learned what it was, how it worked, and why the slope was important.
She has an extremely good mother so I am completely at peace about her while she is away...but I miss her. And I already look forward to her next visit. So while raising kids joint custody is nightmarish in many ways...it has two major blessings: It gives me entire days each month to primarily focus on spending time visiting with and living alongside my child. And it gives the "empty nest" sinking feeling I get every time I "return her" and then come back and walk back in the door and she is not here. Hopefully this will make the "empty nest" syndrome much more bearable. Who knows maybe my grandkids won't be banned from seeing me by then. (No, I didn't ban them, I'm just kind of disowned as a father), and LG will visit often and I may be needing to get a smaller camper to enjoy my hermitude. :) (Wonder why spell-check underlined that, I'm pretty sure the dictionary wouldn't "get" it. I right clicked the red line and selected "add to dictionary").
But I feel for people going thru the empty-nest syndrome. In a small way, I get to go through that often...and I think it helps me keep my perspective of how vital this time together is. Wish I would have had that with my oldest ones....ahhh, another advantage/curse of being older, all the things you wish you would have done different with your youngens. (had to add that to the dictionary too- though the concept of "I'd have done different" is a common thought as we age).
All lessons and morale of the story aside. It has been another wonderful weekend with my daughter and I loved every minute of it.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
i'm told it's morning
We stayed up till about 2 a.m. watching movies and playing UNO, so when my internal clock woke me at 5am my external brain said..not yet. A couple hours later, hearing little biscuit stirring around I looked across the isle to her bed and saw her looking back at me. We both laughed. I burped at her...timing worked for her cause then she cut loose a toot. "Oh No!" covering my head under the cover in a dramatic exaggerated reaction..which busted her out in laughter.
We're both hungry but she suggested we move our Park walk up to "before" we eat breakfast. Laughing, I asked her "aren't you hungry?". "Yeah, but I'd be hungry after the walk anyway so this way when I eat I'll be really really wanting it". Dang!! Doesn't take a DNA test to tell that genetic match was made out of part me. Thought I was only one that thought that way...found hunger churnings can be a positive thing. Well, sure alot of adults agree that it is prime eating when it is preceded by genuine hunger...but this kid is only EIGHT.
Anyhow, think the sterner "Dad!" tone is coming if I postpone our walk any longer. Hope it is a GOOD MORNING for all. LOL.
We're both hungry but she suggested we move our Park walk up to "before" we eat breakfast. Laughing, I asked her "aren't you hungry?". "Yeah, but I'd be hungry after the walk anyway so this way when I eat I'll be really really wanting it". Dang!! Doesn't take a DNA test to tell that genetic match was made out of part me. Thought I was only one that thought that way...found hunger churnings can be a positive thing. Well, sure alot of adults agree that it is prime eating when it is preceded by genuine hunger...but this kid is only EIGHT.
Anyhow, think the sterner "Dad!" tone is coming if I postpone our walk any longer. Hope it is a GOOD MORNING for all. LOL.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Friday Evening
Little Blondie has already gone shopping with me, and we had chimichanga and hot dog for supper. She beat me at two games of UNO already...but the checkers are coming out soon! She's all set to watch this tv movie so I get a free minute since the dishes are all caught up...and its one of those disney shows that just grate my brain..LOL.
Her looks are subtly changing, as if her 8th birthday just became a launching post.
Worked a little on getting the slope right on the RV sewer connection. Improved, but I'm going to have to get a few more shims. She didn't think it was a good idea to mess with that hose once she understood what it was. LOL...I wasn't real fond of it myself.
Sun is going down but I'll probably try to at least stay awake till the movie is over, seems the whole world is on a different shift than me. Think I'd prefer sleeping from 6pm till 2am.
Her looks are subtly changing, as if her 8th birthday just became a launching post.
Worked a little on getting the slope right on the RV sewer connection. Improved, but I'm going to have to get a few more shims. She didn't think it was a good idea to mess with that hose once she understood what it was. LOL...I wasn't real fond of it myself.
Sun is going down but I'll probably try to at least stay awake till the movie is over, seems the whole world is on a different shift than me. Think I'd prefer sleeping from 6pm till 2am.
Early Friday Morning in October
Too dark still to see the weather but nicely nippy out. Today is set up to be a great day. The long awaited culmination of paperwork and effort towards filing VA happens today. Then since little Grace Kelly is out of school for parent-teacher conferences I should be picking her up at 1pm for a great weekend. She may win the checker match this time...for an 8 year old, she plays a really challenging game ! It is day 2 of my 60 day beer challenge, doesn't look like it is going to be a problem unless somewhere down the road I just forget. Day one I only missed it "for breakfast" and "with supper". But not so much "with supper" because I had pancakes and the sweet syrup kind of doesn't go well with a glass of beer anyway.
Saw that I missed 3 calls from my older brother last night, hate when that happens...sometimes it seems we're on different schedules, I think I'm getting up about the time he's going to sleep...LOL should I call him back NOW? Only if I wanted to talk to an answering machine. Oh, for those more this generation that would be "voice mailbox".
Filled out this big long credit application just in case I won the camper I bid on on ebay...put in the amount I wanted to finance at the bottom and it popped up a note that they don't loan less than 7500...uggh...why didn't they do that before!!!
That is way more than I'm bidding...about double! Doubt they would loan that much and I'm sure I don't want to owe that much...LOL. Hit the x in the corner.
Guess I had better get around and get my day started. Hope all is well for all of you.
Saw that I missed 3 calls from my older brother last night, hate when that happens...sometimes it seems we're on different schedules, I think I'm getting up about the time he's going to sleep...LOL should I call him back NOW? Only if I wanted to talk to an answering machine. Oh, for those more this generation that would be "voice mailbox".
Filled out this big long credit application just in case I won the camper I bid on on ebay...put in the amount I wanted to finance at the bottom and it popped up a note that they don't loan less than 7500...uggh...why didn't they do that before!!!
That is way more than I'm bidding...about double! Doubt they would loan that much and I'm sure I don't want to owe that much...LOL. Hit the x in the corner.
Guess I had better get around and get my day started. Hope all is well for all of you.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
60 days Beer Challenge
Many sayings have been written about beer: "breakfast of champions" and and array of others. Personally I just "like" beer like people "like" sodas. If I were to drink one or two a day of the low percentage beer it seems to do my digestive system good and keeps my stomach settled. (Even my last couple years of high school I was prescribed Elixir donnatol or something sounding like that..a tranquilizer..to take daily for my stomach).
However, since I've been getting complaints here and there (parental, spousal) I've decided to make the sacrifice and check myself into my own self induced rehab. As a means of testing to see if I'm "addicted" to beer and able to manage just one or two a day...I'm taking Papa G's challenge he gave me...go 60 days without any. Sounds reasonable to me...I know I could go 60 days without soda, in fact that is less than the usual time spread between cokes for me. Now I'm not adopting a teetotaler attitude because I do believe it to be a tasty and beneficial drink, but only if it can be on my terms not an addiction craving.
The last big outbreak with M-80 her "reasoning" for rage included at least in part, according to her, was she thought I had had a bit too much and she was scared, angry and in protection mode to prevent any alcohol clouded driving or parenting. While my driving and parenting were without influence...after some time thinking I've been able to "convict" myself of my contribution to the problem and have made my commitment to 60 days alcohol free.
Do I personally think I have a "drinking problem" ? No. But what would my answer be to that if I did? the same I would bet. So test it out Mr. Ger...if there is no problem then 60 days won't be much of a challenge. But since I had a beer with my supper last night...today will be day one. I can't really call it day one of sobriety because it is very rare that I pass the "legally intoxicated" point...but it is day one of my Beer challenge.
However, since I've been getting complaints here and there (parental, spousal) I've decided to make the sacrifice and check myself into my own self induced rehab. As a means of testing to see if I'm "addicted" to beer and able to manage just one or two a day...I'm taking Papa G's challenge he gave me...go 60 days without any. Sounds reasonable to me...I know I could go 60 days without soda, in fact that is less than the usual time spread between cokes for me. Now I'm not adopting a teetotaler attitude because I do believe it to be a tasty and beneficial drink, but only if it can be on my terms not an addiction craving.
The last big outbreak with M-80 her "reasoning" for rage included at least in part, according to her, was she thought I had had a bit too much and she was scared, angry and in protection mode to prevent any alcohol clouded driving or parenting. While my driving and parenting were without influence...after some time thinking I've been able to "convict" myself of my contribution to the problem and have made my commitment to 60 days alcohol free.
Do I personally think I have a "drinking problem" ? No. But what would my answer be to that if I did? the same I would bet. So test it out Mr. Ger...if there is no problem then 60 days won't be much of a challenge. But since I had a beer with my supper last night...today will be day one. I can't really call it day one of sobriety because it is very rare that I pass the "legally intoxicated" point...but it is day one of my Beer challenge.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Microfreeze & Recording a missed show
Sure we have the technology to "microwave" things heating them up quickly. Seems to me like it should be possible then to reverse that and develop a "microfreeze" allowing you to create ice in seconds.
And since I'm putting ideas I've had out there for someone to put into creation and hopefully justly compensate me. There is another demand. We record channel 34 at 8:00pm...but aren't "all the channels" that we get coming through the cable at the same time...then they go into the tv...and we "fine tune" which "channel" we want to see. Why can't we "bulk record" the hour or two hour block. Capture whatever is coming through that cable BEFORE it was fine tuned by selecting a channel. Records it right onto an external hard drive that also has the hardware needed to respond to the "play" button. Then you could watch whatever channels were on between 8 and 9pm.
I sure hope my old friend Pat that went to Harding University with me back in 1979 I think it was...before he transferred to Louisiana in pursuit of an electrical engineering degree...I sure hope by random chance he reads this and creates this for me. (I know he'd cut me in an equitable idea fee).
And since I'm putting ideas I've had out there for someone to put into creation and hopefully justly compensate me. There is another demand. We record channel 34 at 8:00pm...but aren't "all the channels" that we get coming through the cable at the same time...then they go into the tv...and we "fine tune" which "channel" we want to see. Why can't we "bulk record" the hour or two hour block. Capture whatever is coming through that cable BEFORE it was fine tuned by selecting a channel. Records it right onto an external hard drive that also has the hardware needed to respond to the "play" button. Then you could watch whatever channels were on between 8 and 9pm.
I sure hope my old friend Pat that went to Harding University with me back in 1979 I think it was...before he transferred to Louisiana in pursuit of an electrical engineering degree...I sure hope by random chance he reads this and creates this for me. (I know he'd cut me in an equitable idea fee).
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The Tornado Ball
Picture a ball about as big as a recliner. It is clear, made out of something like Lexan or an acrylic dense enough to stop a close range .45 cal. bullet. Inside the ball a metal framework is built that a "video game recliner" like chair is mounted to this frame that works in such a way that even if the ball spins...the seat doesn't move much..and within the ball much of it was filled with something dense like an airbag that an airplane might use to land on the water, but this airbag is filled with some material more absorbing than air except for the area around the view. and door access.
A tornado comes...you climb in it, lock the door, turn on the inboard video cam, tighten all your straps and bam! it hits your house. You are shielded from all the debris it doesn't penetrate the ball. The winds lift you and you sail round and round this twisting hurricane...but not dizzily because the seat spins very slowly and moves very little...even if the ball is being spun violently.
You'd probably see gory sights, cows, cars, people, cats and dogs, and eventually plan on getting thrown pretty violently into something..at whatever speed the wind in that hurricane is spinning. But this crash ball is prepared for just that. It would be a "tornado ball" and many people would use them for protection. Especially with ever increasing RV parks...which is where our economy and life style is at this point rapidly increasing numbers. This Tornado Ball would offer protection. Keep the prices affordable.
Eventually as they prove safe, areas in the tornado alley would become high tourist season during tornado's most active months...people who would try to "ride the wave", or have their own video of their own "tornado ride".
Someday it may be hard to believe that I wrote this way back in 2009.
A tornado comes...you climb in it, lock the door, turn on the inboard video cam, tighten all your straps and bam! it hits your house. You are shielded from all the debris it doesn't penetrate the ball. The winds lift you and you sail round and round this twisting hurricane...but not dizzily because the seat spins very slowly and moves very little...even if the ball is being spun violently.
You'd probably see gory sights, cows, cars, people, cats and dogs, and eventually plan on getting thrown pretty violently into something..at whatever speed the wind in that hurricane is spinning. But this crash ball is prepared for just that. It would be a "tornado ball" and many people would use them for protection. Especially with ever increasing RV parks...which is where our economy and life style is at this point rapidly increasing numbers. This Tornado Ball would offer protection. Keep the prices affordable.
Eventually as they prove safe, areas in the tornado alley would become high tourist season during tornado's most active months...people who would try to "ride the wave", or have their own video of their own "tornado ride".
Someday it may be hard to believe that I wrote this way back in 2009.
Electric car simple wondering
Personally, unless I've been mislead, it is a well established fact that cars can run great on hydrogen and that hydrogen is easily created from a renewable resource and doesn't omit the same dangers in emissions. This is one of those big "Duhs! mankind will look back on us for and see that we were so something that we knew these facts and it took us decades and decades to make the transition. Weird too that even all those "evil" terrorist producing countries are bankrupt if we switch over to hydrogen by say...end of next year?
In fact like Hitler had the common Folks-wagon designed for the common man...I believe we have government employees who could come up with and produce a dependable durable design and start production...and put these things out at a cost that covers the expenses involved so it is deficit neutral or even could include a marginal profit to help lower income tax. Private markets like Ford or Chevy could compete making whatever style and fancies they want but their would be the "citizen made" cars dependable, durable, plain, sturdy hydrogen cars no model change in years to come, just improvements and corrections...and most of the time upgrade kits would be available to people of earlier versions but the car would be the same so parts would be cheap and abundant.
But all that aside for some reason we will probably have to go through an "electric car" period because we thought of it before going hydrogen. So I'm wondering why can't an "electric car" have a small hydrogen/diesel/whatever motor driving an alternator via using advantages of multiple gears or centrifugal clutches or even hydraulic assisted alternators so this very small moped like fuel efficient engine could be used to run the alternator and keep the batteries at or nearly fully charged as a person drove down the road.
Doesn't that just make sense? Lots of good old country fishermen have electric trolling motors on their little flat bottom boat, but they also have a plywood mounted alternator and lawn mower engine...with pulleys and belt...to charge that trolling motor battery if they need to.
Same thing.
In fact like Hitler had the common Folks-wagon designed for the common man...I believe we have government employees who could come up with and produce a dependable durable design and start production...and put these things out at a cost that covers the expenses involved so it is deficit neutral or even could include a marginal profit to help lower income tax. Private markets like Ford or Chevy could compete making whatever style and fancies they want but their would be the "citizen made" cars dependable, durable, plain, sturdy hydrogen cars no model change in years to come, just improvements and corrections...and most of the time upgrade kits would be available to people of earlier versions but the car would be the same so parts would be cheap and abundant.
But all that aside for some reason we will probably have to go through an "electric car" period because we thought of it before going hydrogen. So I'm wondering why can't an "electric car" have a small hydrogen/diesel/whatever motor driving an alternator via using advantages of multiple gears or centrifugal clutches or even hydraulic assisted alternators so this very small moped like fuel efficient engine could be used to run the alternator and keep the batteries at or nearly fully charged as a person drove down the road.
Doesn't that just make sense? Lots of good old country fishermen have electric trolling motors on their little flat bottom boat, but they also have a plywood mounted alternator and lawn mower engine...with pulleys and belt...to charge that trolling motor battery if they need to.
Same thing.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Helping People see a greater life
Recently in an attempt to encourage a friend to take the plunge and become as physically fit as you can other than the body parts that don't work of course.
Still having a ways to go myself the little pep talk motivated me at least to restart yet again...a regular exercise program. So the attempt had some good results even if I'm the only one that benefited from the pep talk.
What I could envision for them was how great it has been for me to lose the 65-70 pounds. The increase in "feel good" days. The increase in spontaneous energy like to jump up and do something. And even though I've had my self esteem/ self image trashed and thrashed quite a bit these past some odd years...when a person gets this one critical sector...the body...feeling its best...ahhh what a charge!!
I personally know it is there waiting for whosoever will.
Kind of reminds me how my older brother is always trying to get me to believe not only that I "can" make a good living in the internet world...but that I will be awesomely put at ease once I've done the projects and will kick myself for not having just done that sooner, not believing why I couldn't see how easy it was.
So yes...sadly, I do understand the dampening impact of doubt. But taking it by faith, or hope...I don't want to feel what I sensed in my friend "ya..i know i know but deep down i just can't picture that joy you speak of and me actually making it happen". So, I'll be working on my writing project today. And hopefully I'll have hot water for washing dishes today and getting this little camper cleaned up. Amazing how a person just has to include cleaning as their "piddling around" to stay at it enough to keep a small place clean.
Hope all will take a step towards the life of their dreams today.
Still having a ways to go myself the little pep talk motivated me at least to restart yet again...a regular exercise program. So the attempt had some good results even if I'm the only one that benefited from the pep talk.
What I could envision for them was how great it has been for me to lose the 65-70 pounds. The increase in "feel good" days. The increase in spontaneous energy like to jump up and do something. And even though I've had my self esteem/ self image trashed and thrashed quite a bit these past some odd years...when a person gets this one critical sector...the body...feeling its best...ahhh what a charge!!
I personally know it is there waiting for whosoever will.
Kind of reminds me how my older brother is always trying to get me to believe not only that I "can" make a good living in the internet world...but that I will be awesomely put at ease once I've done the projects and will kick myself for not having just done that sooner, not believing why I couldn't see how easy it was.
So yes...sadly, I do understand the dampening impact of doubt. But taking it by faith, or hope...I don't want to feel what I sensed in my friend "ya..i know i know but deep down i just can't picture that joy you speak of and me actually making it happen". So, I'll be working on my writing project today. And hopefully I'll have hot water for washing dishes today and getting this little camper cleaned up. Amazing how a person just has to include cleaning as their "piddling around" to stay at it enough to keep a small place clean.
Hope all will take a step towards the life of their dreams today.
Recluse Launches Week
Ma said my lack of internet presence was indicating I was becoming a recluse. Think I've always tended that way anyhow...LOL. Ok shortly after 5am while it was in the mid 60's almost...stars showing plainly overhead, I was walking briskly down my walking path, sometimes jogging or running for 10 cement squares, then walking..stopping once on the way out to do 10 pushups..and once on the way back...mixing jogging, walking, sprinting HA HA my sprinting I'd still need one of those slow moving vehicle triangles to warn those walking up behind me. Pitiful start but a start. A good 40-45 minute range moderation cardio.
Then I came home and straight away headed up the hill to the camp showers. Plenty of hot water, clean, well lit shower, good pressure, tall ceiling. Hot shower felt good, cleanliness felt good.
Then I headed back to my camper, its daybreak now, and I've gotta cut this short or else I'll burn the hamburger I'm making for breakfast.
Then I came home and straight away headed up the hill to the camp showers. Plenty of hot water, clean, well lit shower, good pressure, tall ceiling. Hot shower felt good, cleanliness felt good.
Then I headed back to my camper, its daybreak now, and I've gotta cut this short or else I'll burn the hamburger I'm making for breakfast.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Urgent or Important?
My oldest brother has patiently continued to give me advice through the years, some of it I've taken and regretted, some I've ignored and regretted, and some I've actually done and appreciated. Actually all of it has been appreciated. But the latest challenge he has tasked me with is separating the urgent (ie...appointments, things you MUST do today) from the important (ie..things that really matter towards getting your life where you want it).
One project per month gets to occupy the important spot...and it must be stayed on till completed. The "urgent" becomes relegated to a more minimal position (quite the opposite of conventional thinking) and needs to occupy as little of the day as possible while the primary focus is on the "important".
Now with my hearing loss, and especially with my ex (after becoming physically violent a second time which I assured her and all who were concerned about me would be the last) leaving with my hearing aids, cash and favorite statuettes...along with disabling the phone I could hear best out of...it is entirely possible some of his advice has been misheard. Be that as it may, what I "heard" seemed to me to be extremely accurate advice.
He also warned me that it required vigilance or diligence because the natural flow is to persist on the urgent until too tired to do the important and thus another day gone.
While I might make excuses for myself since I've had a tremendous amount of "urgent" this past few days in trying to move, change passwords, close accounts, open accounts, update records with new phone numbers, get a new phone, contact people to advise of my new number and a literal "hard and long as you can go" pace...since the whole uproar took place Saturday night and this is being written at the end of Wednesday...I still am aware that his "warning" is happening full blown at breakneck speed and even though the "urgent" list has been quite successfully mastered thus far, the "important" project (finishing the book I'm writing) has gone with very minuscule achievement.
Thursday though...my remaining urgent list is looking very small and Friday even smaller. So I'm really hopeful I will make myself get back to the important and plug away a good number of hours into it.
At Ma's reminder that I needed to update my profile photo here and another site, Pops took some pics and I've updated that. As I settle into what I hope is a long and successful bachelor life in a camper, and enjoy finishing some books and continue my employment applications...I'm anxious to really succeed at least this next day and the the day after that, etc..at devoting time and effort to the "important" with as much tenacity as I used in attacking the "urgent".
With any luck things will flow so well that I'll be back here in a few days to report great progress on my project. Thanks bro. don't give up, I'm a coming, I'm a coming...
One project per month gets to occupy the important spot...and it must be stayed on till completed. The "urgent" becomes relegated to a more minimal position (quite the opposite of conventional thinking) and needs to occupy as little of the day as possible while the primary focus is on the "important".
Now with my hearing loss, and especially with my ex (after becoming physically violent a second time which I assured her and all who were concerned about me would be the last) leaving with my hearing aids, cash and favorite statuettes...along with disabling the phone I could hear best out of...it is entirely possible some of his advice has been misheard. Be that as it may, what I "heard" seemed to me to be extremely accurate advice.
He also warned me that it required vigilance or diligence because the natural flow is to persist on the urgent until too tired to do the important and thus another day gone.
While I might make excuses for myself since I've had a tremendous amount of "urgent" this past few days in trying to move, change passwords, close accounts, open accounts, update records with new phone numbers, get a new phone, contact people to advise of my new number and a literal "hard and long as you can go" pace...since the whole uproar took place Saturday night and this is being written at the end of Wednesday...I still am aware that his "warning" is happening full blown at breakneck speed and even though the "urgent" list has been quite successfully mastered thus far, the "important" project (finishing the book I'm writing) has gone with very minuscule achievement.
Thursday though...my remaining urgent list is looking very small and Friday even smaller. So I'm really hopeful I will make myself get back to the important and plug away a good number of hours into it.
At Ma's reminder that I needed to update my profile photo here and another site, Pops took some pics and I've updated that. As I settle into what I hope is a long and successful bachelor life in a camper, and enjoy finishing some books and continue my employment applications...I'm anxious to really succeed at least this next day and the the day after that, etc..at devoting time and effort to the "important" with as much tenacity as I used in attacking the "urgent".
With any luck things will flow so well that I'll be back here in a few days to report great progress on my project. Thanks bro. don't give up, I'm a coming, I'm a coming...
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
A very nice beginning to Fall weather
Sitting on the porch facing the western sky and it is barely after 8am so the heat hasn't got here yet, just a breeze that feels like a quality air conditioner must be behind it. Life has calmed down a little and for that I'm ever so thankful. Personally I don't see the calm periods as brief reprieves between dramatic trauma, in my view of life the dramatic trauma are like forest fires...being on fire is not the "norm" for a forest and once it is put out, often the benefits to the forest are great, depending on how devastating the fire is.
My day to day life I orient myself to the peacefulness captured in my mind from childhood when so many many days were spent deep in a forest lying on my back near the top of a ridge just hearing the awesomeness of wind gently moving through the tops of very tall trees.
Home life is back to normal, once M80 discontinued the new medicine, the rage that had suddenly appeared and grew to a horrible outcome...almost immediately started dissipating and the peace and happiness is a tremendous relief. It is amazing to me what medications...or in this case an interaction between two medications, can do to a person, a family.
I've dealt with quite a few families that had violent eruptions caused by a variety of predictable ingredients like alcohol, methamphetamine, steroids...but as this experience has taught me...even well meaning physicians can whip out their RX pads and drastically change a person's life.
Thought my VA disability case was going to finally get started, the government sent me the requested paper work...but the only medical history they sent was from my enlistment physical. Amongst the other papers there was a page where they had checked off that before my discharge a complete physical was mandatory...though they never sent me for that physical or even told me about it. The VA rep said that should help my case since by not following through with that there is no ground for the government to claim "he was fine when he left here". With the clearance I had much of my records seem to be "elsewhere"...but the rep believes he will be able to get to it or he will get the state rep involved. Meanwhile he sent off a request for some very specific records and in a month or so they will either send him back the same thing they sent me...or hopefully...the records we need.
It has been a little over a year since I quit driving and yet my remaining hearing is still fading steadily away. While the locusts have grown louder !! (tinnitus) But mentally I've been progressing at interpreting that loud ringing as a "peaceful" and "natural" sound so it isn't as annoying as it use to be.
Hearing aids, now that is what is annoying. Makes my ears hurt to hear all that noise and for the minimal increase in speech distinction, they generally are not worth the literal pain. This set is either my 3rd or 4th set and I would say my last but a guy at the campground a few weeks ago had a set that he said really really made all the difference in the world...though his were close to $4000 and mine were around $1700 at a fraction above wholesale. The ear doctor was probably right though, he said with my type hearing loss there was a good chance hearing aids would not be of any benefit. Guess I'm still cheering for the last horse to pull into the lead on the last lap.
It is only in the mid 60's this morning so far so it is time to get hopping on my to do list. And for those of you who have my phone number I do have my old number back.
Speaking of which a bill collector just called me on it, seems I put an extra number into my bank account number when I paid my bill a week ago online and it through them off..LOL.
My day to day life I orient myself to the peacefulness captured in my mind from childhood when so many many days were spent deep in a forest lying on my back near the top of a ridge just hearing the awesomeness of wind gently moving through the tops of very tall trees.
Home life is back to normal, once M80 discontinued the new medicine, the rage that had suddenly appeared and grew to a horrible outcome...almost immediately started dissipating and the peace and happiness is a tremendous relief. It is amazing to me what medications...or in this case an interaction between two medications, can do to a person, a family.
I've dealt with quite a few families that had violent eruptions caused by a variety of predictable ingredients like alcohol, methamphetamine, steroids...but as this experience has taught me...even well meaning physicians can whip out their RX pads and drastically change a person's life.
Thought my VA disability case was going to finally get started, the government sent me the requested paper work...but the only medical history they sent was from my enlistment physical. Amongst the other papers there was a page where they had checked off that before my discharge a complete physical was mandatory...though they never sent me for that physical or even told me about it. The VA rep said that should help my case since by not following through with that there is no ground for the government to claim "he was fine when he left here". With the clearance I had much of my records seem to be "elsewhere"...but the rep believes he will be able to get to it or he will get the state rep involved. Meanwhile he sent off a request for some very specific records and in a month or so they will either send him back the same thing they sent me...or hopefully...the records we need.
It has been a little over a year since I quit driving and yet my remaining hearing is still fading steadily away. While the locusts have grown louder !! (tinnitus) But mentally I've been progressing at interpreting that loud ringing as a "peaceful" and "natural" sound so it isn't as annoying as it use to be.
Hearing aids, now that is what is annoying. Makes my ears hurt to hear all that noise and for the minimal increase in speech distinction, they generally are not worth the literal pain. This set is either my 3rd or 4th set and I would say my last but a guy at the campground a few weeks ago had a set that he said really really made all the difference in the world...though his were close to $4000 and mine were around $1700 at a fraction above wholesale. The ear doctor was probably right though, he said with my type hearing loss there was a good chance hearing aids would not be of any benefit. Guess I'm still cheering for the last horse to pull into the lead on the last lap.
It is only in the mid 60's this morning so far so it is time to get hopping on my to do list. And for those of you who have my phone number I do have my old number back.
Speaking of which a bill collector just called me on it, seems I put an extra number into my bank account number when I paid my bill a week ago online and it through them off..LOL.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Repairable?
The bottom line is not "do I love her?" and it is not "does she love me?"...as I once believed. Now with the explosive events of 8 days ago, I'm realizing that there is more than one "bottom line"...because this particular bottom line seems to be well covered. Yet I still am the sole occupant of the house.
There are cases of spousal abuse likely every day in this world. Many if not most instances are part of a pattern of abuse. Being inclined to move thoughtfully and heartfully it is easy for me to forgive but it is with great caution and thought that I have to consider whether the one incident is the beginning of a pattern or was an isolated issue.
So as M-80 and I meet and spend time together discussing our concerns, I've no doubt that my love for her is not tainted. From her words, her love for me is not diminished either. Yet in life I've found that that isn't enough to make things work. It should be, under the true definition of love, but it isn't. Without Love there is nothing. With love, there is still not perfect harmony on the outside actions with our inside feelings.
We are human after all...wretched sinners one and all. Even some of the most righteous people I know that avow a love for God and man...fail to escape the status of "wretched sinner" when they look down on others with contempt and like the prayer Jesus talked about there is an opening of dialogue with God "I thank you God that I am not like these other people". The people Jesus would have looked upon with a tender yearning heart...these select "righteous few" look at others as beneath them, unworthy, and to be avoided. Thus bringing them to the same state of wretchedness as the rest.
The entire message in the love letter God wrote man...called "the Holy Bible"...is climaxed in the cleansing of our souls through our belief in Jesus and the sacrifice He made in our behalf. The other part of that message is the necessity of that cleansing...our unworthiness on our own merits. No matter how "righteous" we may think we have been, "wretched sinner" is the stamp at the top of the page of our deeds.
I know that we will be forgiven only to the extent we forgive others. I'm aware of nobody that I have not forgiven that has sinned against me...and I've humbly accepted that were it not for the forgiveness and cleansing extended in God's grace, I would be contemptible in His sight...but He loves me, and because I believe in Him and the righteousness through Grace, I treasure my Hope (desire with expectation; thereby different than simply a wish) of salvation.
So when it comes to my relationship with M-80, there is nothing even in all the commotion that I hold against her unforgiven. I love her and she loves me, and yet...we are apart still. While we try to resolve whatever lead up to the explosion, knowing that "once" is an incident...anything past that is a pattern and it is my opinion that if there is a pattern of "spousal abuse"...then the "love perceived" is not a "love I need".
If someone crosses the line of violence towards their spouse..is that because of their cultural or environmental learning? Is it because of extreme hatred and rage? Is it because of (in today's terminology) a chemical crossfire in our wiring? Is it caused by a drug...whether doctors ordered or bought off the street, from prozac to meth to liquor ?
The answer? Could be any of the above or more...but finding and fixing the cause is the real issue...do they love you enough to do that? If not, then I will move on my journey in peace and wish them well.
Even when we surround ourselves with others, I have only my one life and it is mine and mine alone...everybody has one and only one life to live, and they live it alone. When I hear of people taking final leaps over loves gone bad, it reveals yet another person who failed to grasp that making life worth living was their own individual responsibility and privilege, nobody else.
Yes, it is repairable...and repair is a requirement before reconciliation because when it comes to violence and the potential for me losing this one life I have that is my own, survival is a quite important part of my plan. And on top of that, I don't want to expose the young ones to an "acceptability of violence" because I don't want them later treating someone that way because of their "environmental learning" and I wouldn't want them staying in that situation as the abused because of their "environmental learning" either.
Anyhow ....that is my feelings on the subject in general and in particular. Personally, I have my fingers crossed and prayers said that M-80 makes it through the struggle because I sure enjoy her company and love. We'll wait, we'll see.
Had a great weekend though, got away and just camped down by a lake and watched the moon and stars at night. A raccoon sat on my picnic table and ate chips one by one out my bbq chips bag until I ran it off. Even though native American, that lake reflected enough sun rays to give me a pretty decent sun burn...so far not too painful though.
Job situation still looking good for September, or at least hopeful. We'll see.
Alot to do today still repairing and clearing out the house. My phone number has changed so you might have to get that from Ma when you visit with her. Pa George has some testing coming up physically that have me a bit concerned, and Ma will be starting some Physical Therapy that hopefully will bring some relief. Grace Kelly is doing great, she was working on hand stands yesterday and said that bean bag was really saving her when she fell. As for my other two offspring, they seem to have reached a level of sainthood that far exceeds my level of worthiness so bless their hearts, their world has gotten too small for even their own kinfolk to be a part of.
One day at a time, and today is a fine one. Better log before my computer locks up, will likely be a month or two or more before I have the money to get it fixed so I'm trying to make this one last long enough to get me a job...LOL.
Hope it is a great week for all.
There are cases of spousal abuse likely every day in this world. Many if not most instances are part of a pattern of abuse. Being inclined to move thoughtfully and heartfully it is easy for me to forgive but it is with great caution and thought that I have to consider whether the one incident is the beginning of a pattern or was an isolated issue.
So as M-80 and I meet and spend time together discussing our concerns, I've no doubt that my love for her is not tainted. From her words, her love for me is not diminished either. Yet in life I've found that that isn't enough to make things work. It should be, under the true definition of love, but it isn't. Without Love there is nothing. With love, there is still not perfect harmony on the outside actions with our inside feelings.
We are human after all...wretched sinners one and all. Even some of the most righteous people I know that avow a love for God and man...fail to escape the status of "wretched sinner" when they look down on others with contempt and like the prayer Jesus talked about there is an opening of dialogue with God "I thank you God that I am not like these other people". The people Jesus would have looked upon with a tender yearning heart...these select "righteous few" look at others as beneath them, unworthy, and to be avoided. Thus bringing them to the same state of wretchedness as the rest.
The entire message in the love letter God wrote man...called "the Holy Bible"...is climaxed in the cleansing of our souls through our belief in Jesus and the sacrifice He made in our behalf. The other part of that message is the necessity of that cleansing...our unworthiness on our own merits. No matter how "righteous" we may think we have been, "wretched sinner" is the stamp at the top of the page of our deeds.
I know that we will be forgiven only to the extent we forgive others. I'm aware of nobody that I have not forgiven that has sinned against me...and I've humbly accepted that were it not for the forgiveness and cleansing extended in God's grace, I would be contemptible in His sight...but He loves me, and because I believe in Him and the righteousness through Grace, I treasure my Hope (desire with expectation; thereby different than simply a wish) of salvation.
So when it comes to my relationship with M-80, there is nothing even in all the commotion that I hold against her unforgiven. I love her and she loves me, and yet...we are apart still. While we try to resolve whatever lead up to the explosion, knowing that "once" is an incident...anything past that is a pattern and it is my opinion that if there is a pattern of "spousal abuse"...then the "love perceived" is not a "love I need".
If someone crosses the line of violence towards their spouse..is that because of their cultural or environmental learning? Is it because of extreme hatred and rage? Is it because of (in today's terminology) a chemical crossfire in our wiring? Is it caused by a drug...whether doctors ordered or bought off the street, from prozac to meth to liquor ?
The answer? Could be any of the above or more...but finding and fixing the cause is the real issue...do they love you enough to do that? If not, then I will move on my journey in peace and wish them well.
Even when we surround ourselves with others, I have only my one life and it is mine and mine alone...everybody has one and only one life to live, and they live it alone. When I hear of people taking final leaps over loves gone bad, it reveals yet another person who failed to grasp that making life worth living was their own individual responsibility and privilege, nobody else.
Yes, it is repairable...and repair is a requirement before reconciliation because when it comes to violence and the potential for me losing this one life I have that is my own, survival is a quite important part of my plan. And on top of that, I don't want to expose the young ones to an "acceptability of violence" because I don't want them later treating someone that way because of their "environmental learning" and I wouldn't want them staying in that situation as the abused because of their "environmental learning" either.
Anyhow ....that is my feelings on the subject in general and in particular. Personally, I have my fingers crossed and prayers said that M-80 makes it through the struggle because I sure enjoy her company and love. We'll wait, we'll see.
Had a great weekend though, got away and just camped down by a lake and watched the moon and stars at night. A raccoon sat on my picnic table and ate chips one by one out my bbq chips bag until I ran it off. Even though native American, that lake reflected enough sun rays to give me a pretty decent sun burn...so far not too painful though.
Job situation still looking good for September, or at least hopeful. We'll see.
Alot to do today still repairing and clearing out the house. My phone number has changed so you might have to get that from Ma when you visit with her. Pa George has some testing coming up physically that have me a bit concerned, and Ma will be starting some Physical Therapy that hopefully will bring some relief. Grace Kelly is doing great, she was working on hand stands yesterday and said that bean bag was really saving her when she fell. As for my other two offspring, they seem to have reached a level of sainthood that far exceeds my level of worthiness so bless their hearts, their world has gotten too small for even their own kinfolk to be a part of.
One day at a time, and today is a fine one. Better log before my computer locks up, will likely be a month or two or more before I have the money to get it fixed so I'm trying to make this one last long enough to get me a job...LOL.
Hope it is a great week for all.
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