Tuesday, November 25, 2008

THINGS I LEARNED TODAY

This is for my own sake mainly so skip it and you won't miss much. I'm just thinking things through.

I gotta become really good at precision back hoe work real quick, and be quick at it, wise in my set up, wise in my choice for the dump truck to get in and be squared up at the right angle...I THINK I'm probably capable of being dead on when it comes to laying out the location of the dig as per the schematics go...but I've got to become dead on...the digging has got to be square...straight down, not belled in/out but straight on all 4 sides and even the bottom...we're not talking about your average trench, this guy expects precision, and taking 40-45 minutes to finish one out...(even though it wasn't "my" set up, and the ground was tough...)..was "mentioned" as going to take us way too long, aint going to cut it...I replied "yeah, I am still working on the dig right now haven't started working on speed yet, I'll get there". Kind of reminds me of having a "drill sergeant" who has a set way and speed he wants it done, it's not just a matter of doing it..it is doing it their way...

Paid my electric bill online today. Kept "meaning too" since the 18th before it was due. After I went online and paid it and the late charge...I went in and found in the mail a cutoff notice for the 5th...dang , sheesh...I was only a week late guys chill out...I've been your customer for like over a decade...I gotta call them tomorrow and make sure everything is straightened out..

Heard tonight that wolf is moving out to the north country on the 3rd. Is this good bye? Is he saying good bye for another reason...has he truly given up? Is this good bye..but the beginning, since being "alone" is what has just killed him the most inside...he's a joy to be around but ya got to be willing to clean up after a slob because he just trashes stuff cause it isn't worth it to put it in the trash can, that is effort he is unwilling to dispatch...I think its an "I don't have to" type thing...it is like he got handicapped at that mentally...being at the point you can refuse that other wise you would "have to" do...like throw the trash in the can, not the floor, not the cabinet...wash each day's dishes and have them put away before you are done with each meal.

Finally got my banking online password and account set up. That is a relief, looks pretty up to the minute too. Liking that...though now after paying the electric bill, it should just wipe me to a 15 balance but I got 20 or more coming out for paypal so guess I had better check that and add from change around here what it takes to make that clear. Other than that, we should make it till the 3rd, and the 5th. Then we can catch up the dentist, a bank debt, and get the credit card in to transfer over what accrued using mom's over to my own name.

Spent most of the day on the back-hoe today,

I've missed time with the ole coot, though he is a pain to live with,( mainly cause he's a slob), he's a character. All he has to do to quit drinking...is, quit drinking. And then he would need to figure out how to enjoy being alive ..find the positive, wholesome things that were enjoyable and occupying and demanding full attention..but also relaxing..most critically important...an enjoyable got to do that he plays at every day..even if it is a video game like WOW or anything...hand drawn desk top towers would be a great one..(google that) Find something fun in life to pass your time while sober...don't just let the sober hours pass empty not knowing how to fill it except with alcohol...

M-80's been down this last few days, hoping it doesn't end up pneumonia...has been a really tough time this past year...even recovering from the surgery has been painful and discouraging to her. The goal now is just to get he walking again at least a mile and a half a day. But if it is 100 yards in the game to get to the goal, we're only 40 yards there.

New job is taking up alot of my thinking. Meshing with that kind of personality, and mentally figuring out and excelling in operation of machinery and decision making, knowing there will still be only "finally!" as praise. M-80 being down made the weekend long, having little one for the weekend. It makes my day long now cause I can't really call and visit (she's lost her voice with this chest cold), so that kinda is negative...and I'm being disciplined...which is an indescribable vital benefit...by working in a drill sarge like work relation.

Today I spent most all day just digging back fill, separating the sandy, gravelly, from the thick chunky clay. Hauling off the back fill to a pile. Learning how to go up to the pile to the top and immediately rotate bucket down, it will pull me up even higher as it dumps. And while I'm building up the collected pile of back fill, if there have been any limbs accumulated down at the limb pile, push them up into a higher pile also.

It was fun. But it got tiring, and I'm not sure why. Time passed quickly and in some ways it was more a video game than "work" but I was glad each break time. Think the only reason is...I've gotten lazy and not use to pushing harder. Driving made me soft in a way...cause while it was pushing alot of hours...this is stressful pushing with alot of concentrated effort...(made stressful because it was constantly being scrutinized and more expected...otherwise known as "training")...

I hear my youngest sib is "coming in" to ma's tomorrow evening. Really looking forward to seeing them. Going to have to divide time up so much..spend alot of time in storage organizing, removing, adding to....And time with M80 and time with little bro(s)... Looking forward to it.

Going to watch a bit of tv, get motivated, and hopefully go get that marker board..so thats about all for now but my mind is bouncing many figurings like:
ERA had a role in alot of people becoming pregnant.

And oh yeah...is there anyway to delete all the shows that are essentially "who dun it" shows from television, and any show involving a cop, a judge, a detective, a lawyer, a court room....take those out and there is always the weather channel and cartoons.

Watched "Jacket" the other night. Movie has been in my head ever since, trying to figure it. Very visual comprehension of the "Is all that I see or seem but a dream within a dream".

Faith comes by hearing the Scripture.
Faith escalates when the nature of God's handiwork declares Him...

I really want to make a pumpkin pie this year, from scratch, even my own crust..
want a regular crust on bottom home made, then a layer of crushed pecan in caramel, then a thick layer of pumpkin, then a graham "crust lid" topped with a layer of whip cream, then a topping checkered with caramel streams and pecans. Thinking maybe the whip cream needs a healthy topping of shred coconut?

Money is going to need to be EXTREMELY CAREFULLY managed these next 6 weeks to get back on our feet.

Again...thinking of things to add to the grocery list...like water, paper towel, paper plates, plastic cups, new sauce pan, Dang I need to go get that marker board. And I need to find some stuff to put up for sell, and I need to check my mail in town hope the card comes in, got to progress ever further at work, need to enjoy all the time I can with family while I have opportunity.

Level the front end bucket, lower till it raises the front wheels off the ground, back up to and through the small dirt pile...it will level as it goes as much as it can.

When starting the dig, keep the first wall straight up and down, only wiggle at the bottom if digging is tough.

I can't believe THAT much power is available thru using hydraulics..yet hydraulic is not used in propelling the automobile. The principle of hydraulics is simple to understand and phenomenal in application...one of our most POWERFUL machinery would use an amazing amount of hydraulics. Why can't a small low idle powerful diesel engine propel the vehicle through a centrifugal clutch or even have a hydraulic assist on a bicycle...see, I really should start that, develop it...bike does 35 with great ease, or climbs hill with same consistent amount of force applied to hydraulic system.... ya..i want to make a hydraulic assisted bike..

anyhow...life is too short to accomplish even a fraction of my dreams, but one part of my life dream is already in place, actually two or three parts. my granted-by-grace spiritual life, and my faith, being with "the one" who causes you constant laughter and joy and true love...there are several other dreams that I've got on the right track...but there are many that I've got to repair...vocationally, I need to both enjoy the physical and real grounded work I do now , but somehow I need to include in my day a devoted study time to advancement of creating income on the internet and learning the action script programming language...learning it, using it, developing with it, marketing with it.

So many thoughts. So many feelings. So many concerns. So little time.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Tonights thoughts are busy too

Need that marker board but didn't go looking for it today. Pretty sure where it is, use to use it all the time on a tripod, as a teaching aid. But today...Just took the day off. M-80 not doing too well today, even her coloring seems a bit off and she is really falling deep asleep every time she repositions and thinks about getting up. I think I messed up on my dosage last night on my thyroid because I haven't been able to slow down enough to think, nor get going fast enough to achieve movement.

Have a feeling this next few days leading up to the holidays is going to be pretty busy. Be looking forward to going to ma's for Thanksgiving. I hear there may be 3 of the 4 brothers this time. We need to make a point of doing this every year...claiming Thanksgiving or even just a day we choose to best fit all our schedules and the cheapest traveling rates...do rental cars get cheaper right after thanksgiving or during it?

Sleepy tonight. Last one awake and it isn't even 730. Think the growing leaner and taller Grace Kelly is fighting either a stomach ache, a canker sore on a lip, or a tender and swollen lymph gland by the jaw bone that tends to swell up alot when there is drainage coming down the ears.
Whatever it is seems to be hopping from place to place...wonder if she''s plugged up or if she's got an allergy to something. Better keep the benadryl handy.

Keep hearing noises outside and my security cam is on the fritz more than not....so probably should take a look, though its always the neighbors across the way slamming their car door or trunk. Sound carries pretty direct back here to our headquarters.

Thinking about getting irritated with desktop towers game think I'm too distracted. need to get that marker board. also need to pay my og&e bill with the rest of what I got paid today. At this rate it is going to take some pinching and planning and staying on top of things to manage the income to its maximum potential.

Thinking about Ma, and Sir G. and how they are doing, worrying about BD and KJ and V and 90. Dad didn't sound to up and kicking as he usually does this last time I caught him, but he was fixing to kick back and read a bit and nap. Sounded like a good plan. Think I'll do the same for right now. Squidoo you are still on my list.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Where did those 2 pills go?

What happened to those two thyroid pills you handed me? I don't see them anywhere...Sh&&tz I hope I didn't TAKE THEM!! I MIGHT HAVE ! Sheesh..we'll know in a bit I would imagine...be up all night LONG...LOL.

Walking To Work

Something I've been thinking about...if a man walks to work , since its only 3 miles, and walks home....depending on weather and traffic and energy level and age it takes maybe an hour to an hour 20 minutes, each way. Now there is the health advantage, the traffic risk, the overall enjoyment and joy of getting to know neighborhoods along the way over the year...seeing yard sales, houses for sales, cars that broke, projects in yards...the list goes on.

Walking home...another hour to hour and a half, the relaxation and unwinding from the day, the familiar smells in the air as I pass the neighborhoods, the predictable cars arriving, the same kids playing, the war growing more tense between the kid on the left with a mean challenging aggressive stance facing off across the road three girls who are obviously 100% convince they are going wherever it is they intend to go and do what they intend to do, but their collective minds are assimilating some way to deal with this potential threat to their safety...maybe tomorrow they will be at peace or a new tactic will be seen.

Now to start a vehicle each morning and warm it up and drive that short distance, is at the absolute worst of fuel mileage in a pickup...probably close to 12 miles per gallon at best. That is half a gallon a day to work and back...at best 2.5 gallons of fuel per week. At $2 per gallon that is $5 at $4 like it has been recently...thats $10 so we can figure that is a savings of $6 per week in fuel rounded out a bit. Time saved 9 hours a week at least, saved by driving. spend those 9 hours working for even $6 per week and thats $54 a week that "walking" costs.

Yet the car has a cost of more than $6 fuel. Buying a car, maintaining a car, repairing a car, insuring a car, paying interest if applicable, paying for tags and registration fees....how much does that cost per week just for the trip to work and back? Spend 1500 on a used pickup, put 1100 in repairs, add in say 50 for tag and registration, get 4 years of driving out of the motor.
That is $2800 for the 4 years. Then you sell it worn...for 800 if you're lucky, so you're total ownership cost in this very very conservative clunker version of a vehicle is $2000 for 4 years.
If you borrowed money at 10% to buy the thing and pay it out in 2 years...add about $200 for interest and the full coverage for the 2 years add $1600 for the 4 years....come to think of it even if you didn't have a loan, paid cash for the pickup, threre is going to be $800-$1000 in Liability for the 4 year period.

You can tell I'm thinking this through as I type it, so you may notice other plus and minus things to either side that have been overlooked...

Driving:
Save 9 hours a week to be used either making $
lose the benefits of the walk.
one fuel $6 per week fuel
$936 three more years to make the 4th year of fuel cost
$1500 vehicle purchase
$1100 repairs and maintenance from initial purchase repairs and maintenance thru 4 years
$800 liability for 4 years
$200 tags for 4 years
-$800 sell the worn out clunker
total 4136 divide by 4 = $1034 per year, 365 days per year minus 100 for weekends if we are lucky , -28 days holiday, vacation, sick....=237 work trips per year...that means the vehicle cost fuel and all is $4.36 per day.



Walking:
lose $54 a week potential gain from working these hours spent walking..but since that's kinda pushing it most people don't that kind of drive to spend an hour a day at making money. so this one is only included for those whom it would apply to )
gain physical health
gain enjoyment in the neighborhood stroll instead of using the hours of enjoying something else.
slow life down a bit psychologically.
fills up 9 hours of your week out of or into your life.
Save $1034 per year on vehicle ownership and usage for work and back.

Driving a 50mpg mini scooter....hmmm...rather just dream of buying one some day and who cares about the cost per day...just enjoy the scooter ride even more than the neighborhood stroll? Probably...and could double the life of the scooter and half the cost by walking half time scooter half time....divide out over 8 years usage that way..I like thinking of this one, sounds fun, can't afford it yet though :(

So the question is....14 hours a week ...
is this the most enjoyable meaningful way to use these hours...walking, neighborhood smells, feeling of familiar, belonging...this is your daily route, your stroll, your exercise, your thinking time....save $1034 a year which is very close to an entire month's take home. $86 dollars per month is what you save in your budget by walking to work.

And you get exposed to and forced to endure the various weather. Rain, storm, snow, spring, summer, wind...ahh, I've missed those. Living an indoor life. But now, working out in the elements, the joy of truly experiencing them, and having bad days to compare with and enrich appreciation for the good.

A closer feeling to nature, with the changing of the seasons being more than seeing a number on a bank clock and temp sign. Sure it takes 14 hours a week, but they go by either way, what would be more fun, beneficial, relaxing, sensational, familiarity with a few miles of neighborhood,


Or should the 14 yours a week be used a different way by like using a vehicle...at $1034 a year minimum. But freeing up 9-10 hours to be used for some other activity more rewarding, more enriching, more desired. (while reducing your otherwise usable income by $86 per month)

Riding to work? Close to the same as walking maybe...but changes the time elements and the enjoyment levels. Slower speeds give richer detail. The ride gives a joy of its own, saves half the time and is nominal in cost, equal or better in exercise, less in safety, still get a routine and view of neighborhoods, depending on speed /time desired to be used. Still saves you from having to leak 86 bucks a month out of your hip pocket. But walk sometimes, to get the slower, more sense aware passes thru familiar neighborhoods.

Winter is likely going to be harsh this year...
Yet I work in the harsh anyhow
And the harsh..is an experience that is stimulating to the senses.

Anyhow, back to something else now....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Anybody you view with contempt?

And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: 'God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.'I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.'

"But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, the sinner! "I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Ever feel too unworthy to pray? Looks like the real problem is when a person feels worthy to be heard in Heaven. Ever view others with contempt and don't even want to be in their presence because they are too unworthy? There is alot to be learned in these few verses of Luke 18.

Monday, November 03, 2008

The responsibility the purpose in life of providing for self and family and helping others

8 days ago...on the 3rd...evidently I titled this post...though I don't remember doing that and wouldn't have noticed it had my older brother not emailed me about the brevity of it...LOL. So now I'm trying to think about that title...fresh, because I have no idea what the original article was going to contain.

That responsibility and focus in life permeates practically every aspect of living. Finally got a job I can do with limited hearing, its hard work but peaceful for the most part. Still don't know exactly what I'll be making since it will be a couple more weeks before the first paycheck, but it is a relief to finally have a reliable income. Once the brain goes into "survival mode" there is a constant pressure to remedy it and get back on my feet.

Yet not everybody is that fortunate. While repairing apartments for government subsidized housing it was often very very sad-making to see the struggles people had even for the most meager existence. There are SO many people in our country right now that are just barely able to keep utilities on and food on the table...and there are SO many people in our country right now that can't even do that...utilities getting cut off during the month, some days of the month scarcely any food to eat. Once the car breaks down it stays broken. Some of these people even have full time jobs but at a minimal wage...since we've exported most of our jobs that enabled the undereducated a means of a decent living.

I suppose just the title of this blog was enough in itself to express where my thoughts were.
But the next day I finally started work...and hopefully once things are caught up, that "worry" will gradually exit and just become routine again.

Waiting

Waiting is an interesting status to be in. Thinking maybe I finally found work I can do with my hearing loss that will be a decent living...(even though it will involve working with loud equipment much of the time and no doubt contribute to the decay...it will still be a source of income). Yet they call me on like the 20th to let me know I was selected, and schedule me for a full physical including back x-ray and all for the 23rd...I find out from the drug lab that they didn't receive the specimen for their part till the 29th and it is "being processed".

That is where the wait comes, since I know that 3 and possibly 4 of the prescriptions I've been on for my shoulder will test positive on their 5 panel screen...so the test has to go thru the first process then the confirmation process where they make double sure it wasn't a false positive...so I keep waiting so that when it comes in I can haul my scripts down there...but calling the doctor several times a week has really ticked off his assistant ( I think because the employer has been calling too).

This "war on drugs" has gotten ridiculous when they are allowed to hold up employment for half a month before they get their answers. But waiting has given me some time to think about alot of stuff. It is hard to relax and navigate life with immediate issues like "income" demanding so much concentration. There are quite a few things I want to blog about but "all circuits are busy" that part of my brain doesn't want to work on summarizing other issues that are stirring in the subconscious...it just stays stuck waiting fully focused on this major issue. So the title of this post catches you up on my status...though I finally did call the lab itself and have at least reason to hope the waiting will end very soon. Just hope it ends before the job window does !!