Conditioning for the "Empty Nest"

The house is full of her presence, the days were full of "her"... ...then a couple hours later: I return to the very same house, open the door, but she is gone.


I see the very same "toys" and jackets scattered, the tv is still on "her" channel, the dishes kind of piled up because like in a race the last part of the lap you "sprint". Not wasting minutes doing dishes when they can be done after she's gone.

But as I look at the plates and utensils it reminds me of how the past two days have been spent: outdoor propane grilling together,(today even in a cold drizzle with our coats on we roasted hot dogs), her unopened pine cones (that she had me pick from a tree in the wal-mart parking lot) for her "experiment" laying on the table, her small antique "colonial" knife in its holster there by the cones, (It was a personal "treasure"/"keepsake" of mine I bought at a garage sale off an old timer...but gave it to her, my youngest, my last child)...but she has to keep it here, in a specific drawer...it can never go to her "other" home because it would get lost and it would be forbidden there.

I see the pottery bowl full of burned matches. She loves to light those kitchen stick matches and watch them burn down as far as they will...so I got that " 10 inch? pie-plate-shaped" clay planter base and keep it here on the table when she is here and hand her a big box of matches but limit her to 20-30 each weekend. Today she kept lighting this candle I have, which has some kind of problem right now because it puts up about a 4 inch flame and sets off the smoke detector. She would laugh and blow it out and the smoke detector would soon quit.

She talked me out of involving her in her second domino game, but she won't next time. We only play a couple hands or so, and don't keep score, just trying to get the thinking in her head and the quick adding and considering of alternative possibles... personally I think teaching domino playing to my 8 year old is not only appropriate..but a responsibility, considering how advanced her mind is.

The pink toothbrush still on the bathroom counter, her bed still sloppily made, but made (just trying to get the habit down first...we'll work on neatness as we go along).

But her "presence", her "vibrancy" ...is noticeably absent. The house is quiet, except for that noise coming from that cartoon channel, I can't make out the words it is just noise. I miss her. Our beds are across the isle thru the camper from each other, often one of us turns over and our eyes meet. We smile. We sleep in peace. She is 100% comfortable here.



There is no boredom she is busy constantly...experimenting, watching a favorite cartoon, playing UNO, or checkers, or helping cook a meal, or out walking in the grass exploring. She even helped me gather blocks to correct the slope of the rv sewer line...and learned what it was, how it worked, and why the slope was important.

She has an extremely good mother so I am completely at peace about her while she is away...but I miss her. And I already look forward to her next visit. So while raising kids joint custody is nightmarish in many ways...it has two major blessings: It gives me entire days each month to primarily focus on spending time visiting with and living alongside my child. And it gives the "empty nest" sinking feeling I get every time I "return her" and then come back and walk back in the door and she is not here. Hopefully this will make the "empty nest" syndrome much more bearable. Who knows maybe my grandkids won't be banned from seeing me by then. (No, I didn't ban them, I'm just kind of disowned as a father), and LG will visit often and I may be needing to get a smaller camper to enjoy my hermitude. :) (Wonder why spell-check underlined that, I'm pretty sure the dictionary wouldn't "get" it. I right clicked the red line and selected "add to dictionary").

But I feel for people going thru the empty-nest syndrome. In a small way, I get to go through that often...and I think it helps me keep my perspective of how vital this time together is. Wish I would have had that with my oldest ones....ahhh, another advantage/curse of being older, all the things you wish you would have done different with your youngens. (had to add that to the dictionary too- though the concept of "I'd have done different" is a common thought as we age).

All lessons and morale of the story aside. It has been another wonderful weekend with my daughter and I loved every minute of it.