AFK

Internet slang for "Away From Keyboard", a nifty little acronym usually found in chat boxes to indicate the computer is still on, but any reply may be awhile because the operator is away from the computer. (Or else is just needing to focus on something and doesn't have a chance to visit at the moment).

This past few weeks I've largely been "AFK". And it has puzzled me to the point of deciding to launch an introspective research probe. Taking into consideration that it has been this way with me often throughout the history of my blogging or chatting..these periods of cybersilence, the research indicates it isn't a recent event that brought this on, though recent events even including a virus, have played a part.

Periods of my life are like this, where the umph just drops out and I kind of find my balance trying to concentrate on completion of simple household chores. (Like to take a shower...I've got a checklist in my head i focus on...got shampoo? got soap? got towel? got keys? Empty pockets? All water and fires or heaters shut off?

Maybe it is the culmination of all the circumstances and events and decisions and indecisions and uncertainties, and some desire to have a dream and truly reach for it. It kind of feels like life has been a wash in many aspects...you know the old story, the kids disown ya, deal with it, you really screwed up alot of stuff in your relationship choices and actions, tied to an area to be near family but needing a new town where people aren't talking bad about you behind your back.

Maybe it is just all the thinking about the job searches, the managing of money, building the VA case, getting loose ends tied up on half a dozen WAY overdue projects. I've got 3 weeks of mail setting beside me that I have only half heartedly leafed through to see if there was anything "serious". Just so many decisions to make and not wanting to make any decisions, but that not being a luxury..it then becomes a cumbersome necessity..which tends to drive me into the fog.

That 10 day meditation I thought my friend, mentor and older brother completely nuts for even considering...I find myself giving serious thought to..LOL. I had always joked about being ADD but when I took a couple of psych exam online tests and really read how "serious" it can impact, I'm going to be talking to the doctor about that. I have always hated the confused and frustrated expressions on peoples faces when visiting with them and I switch subjects so fast and sudden and constantly it gets confusing..and I know it, but can't seem to stop it.

Today I would say I'm content. Feeling better, getting the place caught up and cleaned up gradually. Feeling like the intensity surge may be coming back when i get the power surges for several weeks catching up and blazing a dozen new projects into existence...

Writers block. AFK. ADD. Whatever you want to call it..I'm fine, all is well, my brain is just sorting out other issues in life right now so the creative, talkative, expressive me is AFK.
Who knows though...may be posting like crazy all week.

Love the Lord your God with "All your heart", "all your soul", "all your mind", and love all other humans with the love and compassion and mercy you would want for yourself. As my oldest daughter once told me when I was struggling to get a lesson together for presentation at church she suggested "God is in Heaven, and now go home".