A parent's investment

All those times working two jobs, worn to the bone, but hearing the plea and glee when the youngen grabs me by the hand, lets go to the park daddy. I need help daddy. Come see what I've done daddy. And up and away the old body went.

Settling fights, teaching kindness, teaching them how to drive, teaching them discipline to follow rules and respect a bedtime to rise early enough to mentally prepare for the world they live in. Singing songs to them, swinging them around, sleeping naps with them in my lap. Teaching them to laugh and enjoy life. To face the world with a smile cause nobody wants to see more problems, lift spirits, smile when you talk.

All the things my kids would have learned, when the only vehicle we had broke down and i walked 7 miles to work, and 7 miles home, then climbed under the pickup and kept working late into the night trying to get the problem found and solved even though I wasn't a "mechanic".

Then someday they deem you unworthy, too low life for their association, family means less to them than pride...you didn't hold up to the path of respectability when you and their mother divorced after 20 years of incompatibility and empty of love.

Would that stop your desire to visit with your own flesh and blood father?
Would that make all his time and effort and sacrifices and cares for you a waste of his life? I love my father, though he had very poor skills at parenting and I've suffered some because of them, other things i've gained from , but none of that matters to me now...He is my father. I want to know who he has become, what makes up his life, mannerisms of his ways. Is that so wrong?

I can't imagine trying to hurt him. I can't imagine hating him. I can't imagine totally passing on the opportunity in time to get to know my ancestor. I can't imagine even taking the time to measure him on a scale to see if he is worthy....I need stuff from him. I need to know him, who he is, what he has learned in life. Who is ancestors were. The ways and days of my people.

How could I possibly lose out on that opportunity. It's not nature to be unlovers of parents.

Maybe time will work this wisdom into them and I will share life with them again and they will come to know who I have become.

Maybe they and I will lose that forever...maybe my grandchildren will never know the laughter and orneriness and fun of their grandfather. Maybe they will never know what side of the family they got what tendency from.