TIME TO GO, AGAIN

WOW...time has passed too quickly as usual. I've heard it said that Charles Frances Adams, a 19th century diplomat, wrote in his diary one day, “Took my boy fishing today. A wasted day.” His son, Brook Adams, wrote in his diary the same day, “Went fishing today with my father. Greatest day of my life.” Thursday I listened to my little Grace Kelly, who will be rounding the corner to that 6th birthday later this year...she wanted to go with me to see where I planned on putting a goat to work cleaning up down the hill from the pond.

Once there, looking at the pond, she decidedly and definitely wanted to go fishing. We trudged (well, I'm the old tired one that "trudged"...she seemed more "to glide") back up to the house, grabbed the fishing pole bucket (containing her rod and reel and mine and some tackle) and back to the pond. It was AMAZING. Her line already had artificial bait on it, she walked right down to the water edge and cast that thing out there a good 15 yards or more and begin working it back in. This went on for probably near an hour,...never once asking for assistance. I put a short padded stool behind her, she thanked me without being distracted, and sat on it, keeping her eye on the line.

She finally decided the fish just weren't biting so she reeled it in and stuck the pole back in the bucket and was ready to head for the house. I was amazed, it was like fishing with an adult.
Even though she had been running a low fever that morning, and had a croupy cough from time to time...she kept at full functioning till we got back to the house. I kicked back in my recliner and she promptly found a comfortable spot in my lap and we just rested peacefully for quite awhile before we got visiting so actively about something or another that any chance of sleep was gone.

Then Friday was busy with must-do errands and zap, the time off was gone. I just can't see that time Thursday as "a wasted day"...it was priceless. (Now SHE might have put "went fishing with my dad, a wasted day."...Ha, ya just never know...but as for me, it was a great time).

Some of the greatest moments in life come from giving of our time or self with focus on something someone else needs. I remember one 5-year old boy that understood giving...the story was told by a hospital volunteer....

The volunteer said she got to know a little girl, a patient named Liz, who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother. He had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the disease.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. The boy hesitated for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “Yes, I’ll do it, if it will save her.”

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale, and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”

Being young, the boy had misunderstood the doctor. He understood it to mean he was going to need to give his sister his blood , (All of it). "Yes, I'll do it, if it will save her".

It seems that "giving" ...whether its our time or even our blood...is a natural part of loving. Its not the "things" we buy and give that make life rich...its the giving, its the love.

The other day after battling thru traffic in Washington DC and Baltimore, and was headed into even more congested New Jersey turnpike...a van pulled up beside me and a smiling pretty faced young lady looked at me and held up a simple typing paper size home made sign that said only "DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY" ...ahhh, It sure touched my heart, lifted my thoughts from task to smiling. Little things people do...little things I can do....little things you can do.

I'll close out and finish getting ready to go leaving you with just one more example that I read about in somebody else's life....

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
sat at a table.

A waitress put a glass of water in
front of him."How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and
studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now other people had come in and were waiting for a table and the
waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
the table and walked away.

The boy finished the ice-cream, paid the cashier and left.

When the waitress had started clearing the table , she picked up the empty dish, and began to cry... There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
were two nickels and five pennies..

In counting out what he was going to be able to buy himself, he made sure he had enough left to leave the lady a tip.

‘Ach, I Dunno!’

I’m simply surrounded by lovers,
Since Da made his fortune in land;
They’re comin’ in crowds like the plovers
To ax for me hand.
There’s clerks and policemen and teachers,
Some sandy, some black as a crow;
Ma says ye get used to the creatures,
But, ach, I dunno!

The convent is in a commotion
To think of me taking a spouse,
And they wonder I hadn’t the notion
Of taking the vows.
‘Tis a beautiful life and a quiet,
And keeps ye from going below,
As a girl I thought I might try it,
But, ach, I dunno!

I’ve none but meself to look after,
An’ marriage it fills me with fears,
I think I’d have less of the laughter
And more of the tears.
I’ll not be a slave like me mother,
With six of us all in a row,
Even one little baby’s a bother,
But, ach, I dunno!

There’s a lad that has taken me fancy,
I know he’s a bit of a limb,
And though marriage is terrible chancy,
I’d -- chance it with him.
He’s coming to-night -- oh -- I tingle,
From the top of me head to me toe,
I’ll tell him I’d rather live single,
But, ach, I dunno!


A good old Irish song by Percy French (1854-1920)

These two posts conclude my "poetry selection" for awhile but these are a couple of writings I enjoy.

The Drunkard's Child

He stood beside his dying child,
With a dim and bloodshot eye;
They'd won him from the haunts of vice
To see his first-born die.
He came with a slow and staggering tread,
A vague, unmeaning stare,
And, reeling, clasped the clammy hand,
So deathly pale and fair.

In a dark and gloomy chamber,
Life ebbing fast away,
On a coarse and wretched pallet,
The dying sufferer lay:
A smile of recognition
Lit up the glazing eye;
"I'm very glad," it seemed to say,
"You've come to see me die."

That smile reached to his callous heart,
It sealed fountains stirred;
He tried to speak, but on his lips
Faltered and died each word.
And burning tears like rain
Poured down his bloated face,
Where guilt, remorse and shame
Had scathed, and left their trace.

"My father!" said the dying child,
(His voice was faint and low,)
"Oh! clasp me closely to your heart,
And kiss me ere I go.
Bright angels beckon me away,
To the holy city fair --
Oh! tell me, Father, ere I go,
Say, will you meet me there?"

He clasped him to his throbbing heart,
"I will! I will!" he said;
His pleading ceased -- the father held
His first-born and his dead!
The marble brow, with golden curls,
Lay lifeless on his breast;
Like sunbeams on the distant clouds
Which line the gorgeous west.


Original text: Frances Ellen Watkins, Poems on Miscellaneous Subjects (Boston: J. B. Yerrinton, 1854)


Click and save the RPO LINK to have a really handy place to find poems.

The expression "My nerves are just gone"

What did he mean "my nerves are just gone"? Mrs Beans explained what she thought that meant with an example.."just like that music when we first went into taco bell tonight... " (interrupt to clarify...."you didn't like that music?") she continued... "I didn't say I didn't like it, I just couldn't take it, it was just in my head, it was very uncomfortable "...(and she trailed off with a "yikes" expression of someone whose "nerves are shot" but they are having to suffer the irritant anyway...)

Maybe, maybe thats what my greatgrandpa meant? He shared that with me when he was about 93 when I mentioned some activity involving a group of kids. "my nerves are just gone, I don't have any left". Any enhancing or clarifying visual cues into his meaning would only include him leaning into the message, with a serious "its a fact I've just accepted" look.

I reflect often on times we spent together. Picturing his expressions and remembering things he said or did. Wow, what an experience to have had in my life! Having the chance to be an adult and yet talk with your GREAT Grandfather...who is at that point already into his 90's by a few years. Nineties! And the years he lived in were quite a bit different! He has always been with me reminding me to see life as "comfortable", a place with laughter and orneriness and kindness.

He was always a kind, laugh-easy guy...to be sure, there was definitely an irish side of him that could harden up like a purposed steel tool and be downright mad...but that was seldom seen these days..mostly now just his playful orneryness that always had his eye cocked up and his tongue sticking out thru smiling lips, sheer glee in his eyes, glee and active orneriness!

That Randy Travis song about his grandpa , "I thought he walked on water" was SO about my great-grandpa in my eyes! That song captures it, I can "feel" it as if it were my heart singing it. (Right down to the part.."my momma's daddy was his oldest son")

I well remember a time back when I was still in the small end of single digits being in the bathroom, and upon finishing up decided to use that shaver I spotted on my way in there, and I climbed up on the counter quietly, so i could be next to the medicine cabinet- mirror and I was "shaving" like a grown up.

Just as I nicked my earlobe (just enough to bleed ) I could hear his voice reaching all the way in there from the other room..."you're not shaving are you?" and explained with some worry in your voice that I wasn't to do that. "No" I replied, thinking silently..."not anymore".
I was quiet too! But that man, he just "knew" stuff.

When I came out of the bathroom, he was ready and waiting on me, we were going to the store. He was enjoying having some time just he and his great grandson, he let me drive some of the way,...sitting in his lap with him kinda keeping his hands ready on the wheel.

In the rear-view mirror I saw him and he looked eye to eye with me pointing at the little shaving nick. His eyes were sparkling and gleeful and fired by orneriness..a big "I gotcha" smile...He didn't even ask about the blood dotted tissue paper wadding I had sticking to my ear. He knew. Somehow that didn't surprise me.

From deep within him he was kind. You could see that, clearly. We were headed to the store to get "Pixley" sticks...thats what I thought they had said, and it was years later before I realized that those were "Pixie" sticks. Man, being in the town called "Pixley", I was anxious to get some Fresh made Pixley sticks! He never corrected me. If he had been saying it right in the past, he now called them Pixley sticks.

We went from there, just down the street a short ways...to his son's car lot. Here I met my "Uncle Pete". I gotta tell ya about my much loved Uncle Pete another time,...and how he had been ornery & lovin it even on our first occasion to meet, though I didn't realize that till later.

Fast forwarding till I'm in my 30's, I'm now sitting there in a chair near him so he can hear me easier and I can see his eyes when we talk..at this point in his 90's but still living on his own in a semi- assisted apartment. When he spoke, I listened.

"My nerves are just, gone....i don't have any left." Is this the same as "my nerves are SHOT!?"...or is it something different entirely that I may not experience till I'm in my 90's ? Maybe how Mrs. Beans defined it "i didn't say I didn't like it, I just couldn't take it"...is precisely it. That would explain why many of the elderly find solitude in quiet dimly lit homes...cutting way down on all the sensory input.

WHY ISN'T IT DONE?

Thoughts that keep coming back like a bad dream....I keep thinking about the upper cabinet sitting in the kitchen by the fridge, still needing hung. I know thats one of those things shes looking forward to me doing and will be very thankful for, (so yeah i feel pressured to do it, guilty for putting it off).

With the cabinet already bought and already taken out of the box and brought into the kitchen, the next step is actually not overwhelming...roughly mark a measure on the wall the width on the cabinet, locate the two studs within that width...mark the wall with a straight edge the two lines showing the center of the studs...high to low, above and below where the cabinet will be...

Probably have to get out my tape measure, pencils and maybe framing square and stud sensor (if i can get the stupid thing to tell the truth...it has trouble doing that on simple walls, just going thru the sheetrock...and this one is tougher with 3/4" wood on top of the sheetrock on top of the studs). And bring in the stepstool...and do it.

"The next step"..is That easy. I believed that any project, once divided into baby steps, is virtually completed and certainly should require very little motivation... since each step is manageable and not excessively demanding. In fact that being done, it should make the task pull up enthusiasm, almost excitement, completion is simple or at least very doable...but definitely nothing to dread or procrastinate without cause.

So why is it still undone? Why is it still undone? Self Analysis time? Sure...I need to digin and really evaluate this...

...anything to put off going in there and hanging that cabinet.

Relationships can be enjoyed EXAMPLE #214

Trying to figure out where shes's going to put that armload of boxes she labors towards the door with I have to ask ..."Are you sitting those boxes out there for me to burn?" The reply was sudden, a Startlingly abrubt "No!" , not as if it was shouted, more like it was seriously determined..an unspoken but clear.. "you are not to burn these, these are going to recycling bin".

Interesting the abruptness (determined)...i guess really into this recycling thing and so independently carrying it out from instigation to collection to transporting, completing the process provides her a good boost in self image for some reason, so I chuckle silently to myself.

I find enjoyment in seeing that she is having good satisfaction from it all. As I picture her loading it all up and stretching out the little net thing she bought for the purpose, and then see her at the wheel as the smoky old truck rattles up the driveway as she heads for the bins 6-8 minutes away.

Silently I think about it being easier on me since burning cardboard boxes ya gotta stick around and knock down the floaters ...or at least keep an eye on them...so its ok that shes not putting them into my to-be-burned pile....

I think about how to respond to her emphatic response in a way to aknowledge that her strong wish is heard and will be complied with/granted/honored. And at the same time, will explain that my laughing is in no way a bad thing. It is just one of those uniqueties of hers that tickles me that she gets so protective of her labors in this recycling effort.

What is interesting is that its not about the merits of recycling ecology or pollution wise..in the way she thinks. Its about "wasted usefulness". By the fact that somebody is willing to do something with it, shes happy to help them, happy to provide something for them, so in that way she was able to find a "useful" purpose for it instead of giving it up to be burned in the trash. Thats reserved for things that went beyond her finding some other use for.

So later, even if I am outside burning the trash, and time and opportunity to burn those boxes presents itself...I wouldn't dare. That would take away from a project start to finish she enjoys and esteems being a part of. Don't take that away, it wouldn't be "helping"...besides all that it would seem logical if it made her mad, if she saw it as a flagrant lack of respect for her right to have room to do her things her way.

The Dentist is Danged , I think.

To avoid giving much weight to my complaint with the dentist as to how painful versus gentle....it must be considered that I've not had a cap/crown put on ever before or elsewhere so there is nothing to compare my dentist with in my mind, except the "ideal" situation I might have expected.

...but dang, I'm tired of that guy hurting my mouth!...and making it seem a shock that its so painful...like i'm some sort of pansy...dang, im gonna at least see if there isn't somebody more into pain relief and what not..and I hope its a different world out there!

Well...he says if treated right the cap/crown ought to last 20 years or better....(oh great..i gotta go thru this again at that OLDER age?). If all else had been perfect in life I might have said hey, its a good time to afford and deal with challenges with benefits..so heres what do, pull that tooth, send me to an oral surgeon, get an implant, and have a tooth made. ..That should be for life, replacing a worn out tooth on an implant shouldn't be of any discomfort at all...unscrew it, replace it.

Maybe he was telling the truth this time, its not going to be painful enough to justify pain medicine...(darn)...(and yet..Yay!)...Uncomfortable right now, and probably will be when I eat, going to delay chewing too much over there till its not so sensitive. I feel ALOT of discomfort and distracting but light constant pain as the number is wearing off. Well..maybe this is done.

This started and got its temporary while I was insured...and got finished with permanent while I was uninsured...should be covered, nothing would surprise me...Either gotta get that Cobra plan going or get them on the ball at the new co. for their "immediate coverage"...but the deductible will have to be met anyhow...maybe it would be cheaper to just pay the actual costs instead of cobra...for the stuff between last company and onset at this one.

Got the pleasant sound coming from the kitchen that sounds like someone else is taking care of fixing dinner tonight...and that means some good eatings...at least on one side of my mouth.