Merry Christmas and The many things in my head

Winter storms heading towards Denver, so the "ideal" driving conditions should soon be coming to an end...a little too soon, since we'll be bouncing back and forth from Denver to Houston for the rest of the week. Thats what the weather man says, and sometimes they are right...so its possible. But being the eternal optimist, maybe it will miss us each time.

Sitting here waiting for the pharmacy to open so mrs. Beans can get the needed refills, with about 5 more hours of free time before heading for Houston. Watching Season 2 of the original star trek on DVD (my birthday present), has been fun. Sure the special effects and stage props from that day seem almost corny nowadays but watching the episodes again after all these years, takes my mind back to when that stuff looked pretty cool.

Last report was 24 degrees Farenheit outside, so its pleasantly nippy...as long as people have coats. I feel very blessed to have good winter clothing, and I'm mindful that there are many who do not have.

Heard a good Bible study this morning on television, talking about the time in Genesis 6 when the hearts of man had become so intent on evil in every form imaginable, and how it grieved (brought heavy pain to) God's heart. Then it was related to the part in the new Testament when Jesus was born that the angels burst forth in great excitement and praise over the peace being established between God and man, and God's goodwill towards man. What a tremendous unmatchable thing happened that day, and we are unable to grasp the extreme significance of it all.

Having children, and watching other parents of children...I can understand at times the heavy heart, the pain, when the children turn their backs on the things they are told for their own good...ignoring and plodding along to their own heartaches and agony that we try to spare them. Some parents have suffered the heartache of "losing a child" completely (except physically), and some have known the indescribable joy of their return, the "peace on earth" the angels proclaimed at Jesus birth was talking about that peace, that peace between God and man, that peace of a mended breach, that peace of seeing the prodigal son coming up the road, over the bridge the parent built. The lifting of the heaviness of God's heart.

So people can say all the politically correct "season greetings" they want, but as for me, its Merry Christmas. Without that whole redemption process welcomed into the world at the birth of Christ...the earth, and especially my own self, would be irreparably distanced from the AWESOME spiritual eternal life God designed us to inherit.

My mind turns to Christmas and the week off at home, and time with the youngens, and time with enjoyable projects. The plan is by this time next week, thats where we'll be. Mrs. Beans will be back putting out corn for the squirrels on the feeder she made, and watching for the neighbor dogs that come to visit...bringing her a bit of comfort until we can get a more homebound lifestyle so she can have her own. She will probably be persuading me to hang another cabinet in the kitchen, or fix the downstairs toilet, or... .

I'm still thinking on where to build the roads, the beautiful landscaped walking path I want to build around the property, the septic tank install and leachfield versus lagoon for an added house or two. The new fence to build around the yard to take in a bigger chunk to double or triple the yard size. The privacy fenced work area for the mowers and outdoor less sightly stuff. The campfire area with benches around it. The freestanding porch like swing I want down by the pond. Still working out a design for a more efficient incinerator for household garbage...to burn hotter, and to pipe the smoke up and away from ground level, and ways of filtering the smoke.

My heart and mind are always thinking on, and feeling the concerns over Sam's legal trouble at this very start of his life. Wondering in this "dang em and hang em" age we live in if they'll consider the life of the young man, and give him an opportunity to start fresh, go in the service, develop character and discipline, and launch out into life...or if they'll take a young, honors student, who partied with the wrong crowd, and establish him for the rest of his life as a felon, thereby permanently closing doors.

My heart and mind are always thinking on Wolf, and what a horrible struggle with alcoholism he has faced and is facing. I feel the heartache knowing he is being ripped away from me and his physical and mental and emotional life is continually being destroyed, some parts already permanently destroyed, history that can't be relived. It is so hard , so hard to understand what a demon that takes control in an alcoholic. They can't ever enjoy a beer now and then, or a margarita with a meal with out that little bit of alcohol reviving, feeding, doing cpr on the demon...and it radically becomes everything they want and need and go for in life...changing them into completely selfish minded, self absorbed, self destruction. They see it, know it, hate it, want it different...but as if demon possessed, reach for another shot. For those of us who don't have that demon, we scream out "WHY WHY WHY can't you just SEE what its done and doing and how it is in NO WAY worth whatever mental or physical feeling it brings"...thats the kicker...they do see it, they do know it, they can even curse the wicked stuff, and they'll talk to you about it as they drink yet another glass.

My mind and heart think often of my youngest little darling, how much I miss being a part of her everyday life. I think on how to spend time with her in the most meaningful way, how to teach her about God, about love, about strength, about humility, and guide her as best I can with the limited time I have with her. Everyday she is in my heart, my thoughts. I crave time to read to her, walk with her, hold her hand, show her the wonders of God's creation. I still remember when I asked her this last time "while I'm gone and you're away going to school, and playing, what kind of things do you think about?" She said..."I think about you, because I love you daddy". Yeah, tears found their way out of the eyelids. I think about when I gave her a bucket to gather acorns, and while she ran here and there I asked her...."What is the most fun thing you do or have ever done in your life?" She said "Easter Egging" (referring to when we hid and rehid and rehid eggs last Easter)and then she added..."and right now". Wow.

When we get to Houston tomorrow around noon, and begin a 20 hour wait till we head back...I'll check the weather again to see which is the path of least resistance to return...By the time we leave Houston Wednesday morning we'll likely run into the weather before reaching Denver Thursday morning and deal with it again when we leave out Thursday afternoon. But maybe when we leave Houston Saturday morning with our last run of the year before heading home...it will all be smooth. But it will still be Christmas day before we're home most likely.

Wonder if I'll be able to get that Honda trail 70 I bought, running. Heck, wonder if I'll be able to get that pickup to start, maybe its just out of gas. Chocolate pie, It may be my cousin V's birthday this very day...and I should be thinking giving thoughts about her...but I find myself thinking she's going to get to the chocolate pie before I do, and thats not good.