When a child turns 18 and moves out on their own and then gets in legal trouble..DO NOT bail them out of jail...its more important to them than anything you can teach them...obviously they are not much impacted by your teaching anyway.
Should they quit work and go to rehab? Scripture says if a man won't work neither let him eat, and a man that doesn't provide for his own (including himself) is WORSE than an infidel.
Should they move back in? No way! The mother of invention may be necessity, but so is the path to growth, independence, and the cause for change.
If your grown kid needs to relocate to start afresh, get em a bus ticket and send them with a weeks worth of food. They can live on the street till they find work (they'll be highly motivated) then they can rent an apartment as soon as they are able. Think after that they'll screw up their job or circumstance with a return to drugs and crime? LOL...thats funny. If they are that foolish then hey, there is their housing problem...
I suggest kids go into the service and learn about discipline and money management and the power of government that way, but if that isn't possible...then they need to work, rent, eat..all on their own doings.
Are you "giving up on them" by expecting them to work and provide for themselves and refusing to be their safety net , and refusing to bond them out? Quite the contrary, you're not giving up on them...you are empowering them, they will quickly learn that life..is up to them.
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3 comments:
sage advice for all (even mothers)but they just don't always have what it takes!!! Their minds know what to do but the heart doesn't always cooperate.
A parent needs to finally reach a point when they say," I can do no more, I have taught all that they will listen too, It is time for them to accept their own responsibility for their actions". We as parents must know when to back away. Life can be good or hard, depending upon the path chosen. Don't let the childs choice of path change our path of happiness into a path of dispair. Love has to be tough sometimes.
I think there are two components of raising a child. 1. The child grows and learns 2. The parents grow and learn.
You post is a perfect example of how a parent grows and learns. Marbella is right too though, as with most things in life of importance know what you should do and doing it can be far apart.
I am a big fan of young people first venturing out in the world joining the military. Every Vet I have ever worked with in the professional world has a different kind of focus than non Vets (generally speaking). If a young person has focus and motivation of their own the military will be a stepping stone, if they do not it can help be a wake-up call. If they cannot serve for whatever reason then they have to find that focus and discipline somewhere else and it can be rough road for the parents to let them succeed.
Tao
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