My same friend that told me about the couple with the communication problem passed this along, and now I'm starting to think "he" is the guy he keeps telling me about. But a pocket Tazer Stun Gun, is a great gift for the wife. and he wrote to tell me about "A guy" who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary.
"Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to flee to safety. WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! (but I haven't explained to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two Tiny triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best;
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button...
HOLY MOTHER OF MUD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ....!!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was
making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: There is no such thing as a one second burst... when you zap yourself you will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had NO control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
P.s... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!"
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Thinkable quotes
Don't forget about the corollary to Murphy's Law, "Whenever you set out to do something. something else must be done first."
And the Quantization Revision of Murphy's Law, "Everything goes wrong at once."
And... Chrisholm's Second Law, "When things are going well, something will go wrong," along with it's two corollaries, "When things just can't get any worse, they will," and "Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something."
Then there's Gumperson's Law, "The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to it's desirability,"
and Pudder's Law, "Anything that begins well, end badly. Anything that begins badly, ends worse."
Dang...and one of my favorites:
Actually Murphy’s Law governs chaotic events, this was just poor planning.
And the Quantization Revision of Murphy's Law, "Everything goes wrong at once."
And... Chrisholm's Second Law, "When things are going well, something will go wrong," along with it's two corollaries, "When things just can't get any worse, they will," and "Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something."
Then there's Gumperson's Law, "The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to it's desirability,"
and Pudder's Law, "Anything that begins well, end badly. Anything that begins badly, ends worse."
Dang...and one of my favorites:
Actually Murphy’s Law governs chaotic events, this was just poor planning.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
just take it one day at a time
Got most of the errands ran that I'm going to do today, but still have a busy day ahead...
Trying to progress on creating my first e-book not only by learning what I'm trying to teach..but learning all the nuts and bolts of how to put the pictures in, how to edit the pictures from a flash game, all kinds of stuff like that...
The challenge for today is to finish learning how to work with "Screengrab" ...a free program that lets me take screen shots/pictures of the web page or flash game then learn how to annotate or put arrows to point out details on the picture.
Create another cafe press item.
Create another lens...research, and create.
Interesting to do, boring to discuss.
Immense appreciation to mr. K for all his patience and help.
Once this is all learned it will be immediately opening a door I'm very much looking forward to using again.
Too busy to chat today, but doing ok. Hope that unemployment check comes in soon, going to be hard to even pay the gas to make it to these job interviews if they keep me waiting !! sure taking them long enough. Walked a little over 3 miles this morning.
Like M-80 says to me often, just take it one day at a time.
Trying to progress on creating my first e-book not only by learning what I'm trying to teach..but learning all the nuts and bolts of how to put the pictures in, how to edit the pictures from a flash game, all kinds of stuff like that...
The challenge for today is to finish learning how to work with "Screengrab" ...a free program that lets me take screen shots/pictures of the web page or flash game then learn how to annotate or put arrows to point out details on the picture.
Create another cafe press item.
Create another lens...research, and create.
Interesting to do, boring to discuss.
Immense appreciation to mr. K for all his patience and help.
Once this is all learned it will be immediately opening a door I'm very much looking forward to using again.
Too busy to chat today, but doing ok. Hope that unemployment check comes in soon, going to be hard to even pay the gas to make it to these job interviews if they keep me waiting !! sure taking them long enough. Walked a little over 3 miles this morning.
Like M-80 says to me often, just take it one day at a time.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Civony
It is a game..free...don't spend any real money on it, there is no need, just log in, and click in a corner of your city and build a cottage...and click on the quest button for more ideas...click the city or town button on top to see the patchy spots out front of your city, click on them to build a farm, a sawmill, a quarry, a mine...you'll only need like 4 farms, but enjoy it. There is so much you learn just by clicking stuff...I'm working on a guide...but only have one small section published.
Click here to play
Click here for a helpful step by step instructions I've written for something you'll be wanting to do after about half a day of playing....
I'll be upgrading that this week to make it more simple with more pictures and more tutorials..but the game is FUN....
Time to go take youngen to school and got my appointment at the VA today.
Click here to play
Click here for a helpful step by step instructions I've written for something you'll be wanting to do after about half a day of playing....
I'll be upgrading that this week to make it more simple with more pictures and more tutorials..but the game is FUN....
Time to go take youngen to school and got my appointment at the VA today.
Monday, April 20, 2009
What is for supper?
After several times of making beans in the crock pot they just never tasted right. So I went back to the stove. Took 2 cups of pinto beans, and one cup of great northern white beans, cleaned thru them to get rid of the little pebbles and the ugly ones...put them in a large popcorn bowl, covered them with 3 inches or more of water and let them soak about 8 or 9 hours. Dumped that water off. Dumped the waterlogged swollen beans into a big pan. Covered them with water about 3 inches above the bean level. Added about a tablespoon of seasoning salt and a few shakes of regular table salt. Cut up about 5 strips of uncooked bacon and pitched it into the water. Added about 6 tabs of butter. Put the lid on the pot and turned the flame on very low. Letting it just simmer/lightly boil for 3 hours so far but probably let them cook about 6 or more hours total. Check em every now and then make sure they don't run out of water or make sure the fire doesn't get blown out and the gas fill the house...Mmmm they are smelling mighty fine.
In about an hour or so think I'll boil 2 cups of water with a pinch of salt and a tab of butter, when it starts boiling, dump in a cup of uncooked rice, stir, lower flame to a simmer, put the lid on it and start the timer for about 22 minutes or 23 minutes. Leave that dang lid alone, opening and peaking will make your rice gummy. After the 23 minutes, turn off the flame, fluff the rice with a fork. It's ready.
Think the mrs. (M-80) is going to make a batch of cornbread from those jiffy boxes...they are plenty good and easy and quick.
I'm undecided, may fry up some sliced baked potatoes...may brown a pound of hamburger meat to mix in with the rice and beans...don't know yet...mixing in hash browns and hamburger meat with the rice and beans actually sounds really really good. But may just eat the beans and cornbread and rice. Anyhow....thats whats for supper tonight....we pretty much eat just once a day around here...so it sounds mighty good all day long.
In about an hour or so think I'll boil 2 cups of water with a pinch of salt and a tab of butter, when it starts boiling, dump in a cup of uncooked rice, stir, lower flame to a simmer, put the lid on it and start the timer for about 22 minutes or 23 minutes. Leave that dang lid alone, opening and peaking will make your rice gummy. After the 23 minutes, turn off the flame, fluff the rice with a fork. It's ready.
Think the mrs. (M-80) is going to make a batch of cornbread from those jiffy boxes...they are plenty good and easy and quick.
I'm undecided, may fry up some sliced baked potatoes...may brown a pound of hamburger meat to mix in with the rice and beans...don't know yet...mixing in hash browns and hamburger meat with the rice and beans actually sounds really really good. But may just eat the beans and cornbread and rice. Anyhow....thats whats for supper tonight....we pretty much eat just once a day around here...so it sounds mighty good all day long.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Viva la difference between Mars and Venus
A friend of mine sent me this, thought it might brighten your day a bit...
"I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it,I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day, I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her why not just get all 3.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit..'. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis!
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,'WHAT?!'
I then said; 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'..."
"I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it,I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day, I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her why not just get all 3.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit..'. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis!
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,'WHAT?!'
I then said; 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'..."
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
15 Hours worth
Take boy to school. Stopped by post office to mail some papers to the VA, not open yet. Go to drug store spend an hour looking for the right cream for M-80's foot, seems one of em decided to crack open and bleed after the 3 mile walk yesterday, so no walk today.
Got some freeze packs to take the swelling down and Zin crack cream and some plain aloe vera lotion for future use after the crack is healed. Picked me up some cod liver oil. Went by and checked my mail and got some stamps and mailed the VA letter.
Went by the VA office, turns out they are closed on Wednesdays :(. Reschedule that for tomorrow. Stopped by and visited Ma about an hour. Networked the printer at home so either computer can use it. Scheduled my annual physical since it got canceled last month.
Put spare tire and wheel chair in Mother in law's car since she was headed to the city for her brothers knee surgery. Mowed the lawn. Whipped together a cup of baking mix and milk and made a pig in the blanket on the griddle. Made a batch of fried biscuits for M-80...trying to keep her off her feet today.
Filed my unemployment biweekly claim, scanned for any new jobs. Worked on the Cadillac, ran diagnostics on why the blower motor and a/c not working, finally tracked it down to a loose wire. Great, finally got that working. Test drove it...steam filled the car like a Cheech and Chong movie. Hmmmm....must be a busted heater core..only a $50 part but completely formidable labor...going to undo the heater hoses from it tomorrow and connect them to each other, bypass the heater core for now since it is summer time.
Picked up boy from school, worked with him about an hour on worksheets I've made up for him to help him catch up in his math and computing elapsed time, and converting analog time to digital, and drilled some subtraction flash cards and made him write out his spelling words.
Did some research online and scoured ebay for some items I'm looking for. Ate a bag of chicken gizzards with a can of Busch Beer. Would have been perfectly complete with a moon pie but alas...diet, diet, diet.
Worked with boy two hours to help him complete his science fair project to take to school tomorrow. Read a chapter in Max Lucado's book "Traveling Light" (a most excellent book by the way).
Went online and paid my utility bills and reviewed my credit card activity just to make sure everything was kosher. Picked up our mail at our residence mailbox..two netflix movies in..alas, no time to watch them today.
Worked with hearing aids today, took 2 more Valium, all these noises is still extremely stressful but made a little progress today trying to learn to process/interpret/comprehend what I'm hearing. Wadding up paper is still HORRIBLY loud.
Tomorrow has quite a few things on it already but a bit of a breather, probably going to use a bit of the extra time to get reorganized, catch up my filing AGAIN, and review my lists to make sure I'm not forgetting something vital.
Ordered that Health Book sure looks like it would be interesting, but then again, I think I've read every medical book I've ever had access to, from cover to cover and back again. Of course I read the Mixed reviews many negative...but alas isn't there always plenty of that...still looks interesting to me.
Biggest obstacle of the day was figuring out how to run the diagnostics and do the trouble shooting on that caddy but...it has been on my list for a very long time so I'M RELIEVED.
Probably a ton more stuff happened today, but that is at least 15 hours worth from my day. I'm tired. Was sure thinking about going camping this weekend but it sure looks like it is not going to be good weather for that !!! We'll see.
Got some freeze packs to take the swelling down and Zin crack cream and some plain aloe vera lotion for future use after the crack is healed. Picked me up some cod liver oil. Went by and checked my mail and got some stamps and mailed the VA letter.
Went by the VA office, turns out they are closed on Wednesdays :(. Reschedule that for tomorrow. Stopped by and visited Ma about an hour. Networked the printer at home so either computer can use it. Scheduled my annual physical since it got canceled last month.
Put spare tire and wheel chair in Mother in law's car since she was headed to the city for her brothers knee surgery. Mowed the lawn. Whipped together a cup of baking mix and milk and made a pig in the blanket on the griddle. Made a batch of fried biscuits for M-80...trying to keep her off her feet today.
Filed my unemployment biweekly claim, scanned for any new jobs. Worked on the Cadillac, ran diagnostics on why the blower motor and a/c not working, finally tracked it down to a loose wire. Great, finally got that working. Test drove it...steam filled the car like a Cheech and Chong movie. Hmmmm....must be a busted heater core..only a $50 part but completely formidable labor...going to undo the heater hoses from it tomorrow and connect them to each other, bypass the heater core for now since it is summer time.
Picked up boy from school, worked with him about an hour on worksheets I've made up for him to help him catch up in his math and computing elapsed time, and converting analog time to digital, and drilled some subtraction flash cards and made him write out his spelling words.
Did some research online and scoured ebay for some items I'm looking for. Ate a bag of chicken gizzards with a can of Busch Beer. Would have been perfectly complete with a moon pie but alas...diet, diet, diet.
Worked with boy two hours to help him complete his science fair project to take to school tomorrow. Read a chapter in Max Lucado's book "Traveling Light" (a most excellent book by the way).
Went online and paid my utility bills and reviewed my credit card activity just to make sure everything was kosher. Picked up our mail at our residence mailbox..two netflix movies in..alas, no time to watch them today.
Worked with hearing aids today, took 2 more Valium, all these noises is still extremely stressful but made a little progress today trying to learn to process/interpret/comprehend what I'm hearing. Wadding up paper is still HORRIBLY loud.
Tomorrow has quite a few things on it already but a bit of a breather, probably going to use a bit of the extra time to get reorganized, catch up my filing AGAIN, and review my lists to make sure I'm not forgetting something vital.
Ordered that Health Book sure looks like it would be interesting, but then again, I think I've read every medical book I've ever had access to, from cover to cover and back again. Of course I read the Mixed reviews many negative...but alas isn't there always plenty of that...still looks interesting to me.
Biggest obstacle of the day was figuring out how to run the diagnostics and do the trouble shooting on that caddy but...it has been on my list for a very long time so I'M RELIEVED.
Probably a ton more stuff happened today, but that is at least 15 hours worth from my day. I'm tired. Was sure thinking about going camping this weekend but it sure looks like it is not going to be good weather for that !!! We'll see.
Monday, April 13, 2009
I can hear too much and too little
Took a test today for a surveying like job, did real well on it but it would mean moving several hours away so that's still got to be thought out.
Qualified to take a test next Monday for a really good job only about an hour and a half north, better pay, better location, tougher competition, we'll see what happens.
Got my newest latest and greatest hearing aids today. Crumpling paper is Extremely loud...I hear every breath in and out, found out the engine of the car actually is audible at idle...that ought to save a few starter grinds...and there are SO many noises out there in the course of just a normal day I'm thinking the doc is going to have to up my Valium !! All of a sudden even the kitchen floor creaks loudly when I walk across it. Wonder if I need to have someone check it out, maybe a plumbing leak or something rotting the infrastructure? Finally just took those darn things out of my ears to take a break.
Conversation is more audible...and maybe 10% more discernable but I'm not going to be doing away with the captions or the lip reading just yet...maybe ever.
Going to the VA tomorrow hopefully to discuss VA disability for a problem that began some 30 years ago in the service and appears to have continued to negatively affect my earnings. Heck they may declare me deaf and crazy and take me away to some remote cave.
Supposed to contact the unemployment people tomorrow, only required to do 3 job searches a week, think I've got over 15 active applications being progressed on. But the unemployment check, once it ever starts, is plenty to get by on so at first I'm concentrating my work search on advantageous employments.
Thoroughly enjoyed the Easter weekend. Little Grace Kelley and her step brother Mig got to hunt eggs at his cousins house way out in the boondocks. Sunday lunch with Ma and my yougest brother and his family was a treat. Even though I've gained 12 pounds in the past 2 weeks (despite my previous blog post!!) I'm blaming most of that on Ma's cooking. M-80 said her cooking ought to be outlawed, its just too good to properly restrain ones self when available.
Missed seeing the oldest two of my offspring, but they have their own lives now, and have to make their own choices. Sure thought about them though and hoped they enjoyed the holidays.
Ahh..got so much to do I'm tired just glancing over at the pile, but it will be done this week...just can only do so much each day. Feels like Friday already !!
Thinking about buying a tent and paying the $8 to go camping pretty soon.
Have to give these hearing aids a couple weeks for the adjustment period, then go back in for reprogramming, fine tuning, whatever...still too early to tell if they are going to be worth keeping. Probably going to try a movie in a few days, that should be a good test.
Hope the weather is good tomorrow like they say...looking forward to my walk.
Qualified to take a test next Monday for a really good job only about an hour and a half north, better pay, better location, tougher competition, we'll see what happens.
Got my newest latest and greatest hearing aids today. Crumpling paper is Extremely loud...I hear every breath in and out, found out the engine of the car actually is audible at idle...that ought to save a few starter grinds...and there are SO many noises out there in the course of just a normal day I'm thinking the doc is going to have to up my Valium !! All of a sudden even the kitchen floor creaks loudly when I walk across it. Wonder if I need to have someone check it out, maybe a plumbing leak or something rotting the infrastructure? Finally just took those darn things out of my ears to take a break.
Conversation is more audible...and maybe 10% more discernable but I'm not going to be doing away with the captions or the lip reading just yet...maybe ever.
Going to the VA tomorrow hopefully to discuss VA disability for a problem that began some 30 years ago in the service and appears to have continued to negatively affect my earnings. Heck they may declare me deaf and crazy and take me away to some remote cave.
Supposed to contact the unemployment people tomorrow, only required to do 3 job searches a week, think I've got over 15 active applications being progressed on. But the unemployment check, once it ever starts, is plenty to get by on so at first I'm concentrating my work search on advantageous employments.
Thoroughly enjoyed the Easter weekend. Little Grace Kelley and her step brother Mig got to hunt eggs at his cousins house way out in the boondocks. Sunday lunch with Ma and my yougest brother and his family was a treat. Even though I've gained 12 pounds in the past 2 weeks (despite my previous blog post!!) I'm blaming most of that on Ma's cooking. M-80 said her cooking ought to be outlawed, its just too good to properly restrain ones self when available.
Missed seeing the oldest two of my offspring, but they have their own lives now, and have to make their own choices. Sure thought about them though and hoped they enjoyed the holidays.
Ahh..got so much to do I'm tired just glancing over at the pile, but it will be done this week...just can only do so much each day. Feels like Friday already !!
Thinking about buying a tent and paying the $8 to go camping pretty soon.
Have to give these hearing aids a couple weeks for the adjustment period, then go back in for reprogramming, fine tuning, whatever...still too early to tell if they are going to be worth keeping. Probably going to try a movie in a few days, that should be a good test.
Hope the weather is good tomorrow like they say...looking forward to my walk.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
WEIGHT LOSS ? BE PATIENT
Patience and Persistence.
Realistic expectations.
All kinds of factors figure into losing weight. Everything from metabolism, types of food/drink, exercise amount and intensity blah blah blah.
Basic math of it from what I've learned is...when you use 3500 more calories than you took in...you'll have lost one pound. If you did it by starving...that pound will likely be a combination of lost fat (good !), lost muscle ( bad ! lowers you're daily normal burn off rate), and lost bone mass (real bad !).
Yet all the fancy thinking aside, the belly is alot like the old bank account...if you take out more than you put in...the balance goes down...if you put in more than you take out...the balance goes up.
So basic low activity American lifestyle figure 1700 calories a day just to go about a normal day of breathing, sleeping, checking your mail, running errands. As you increase muscle that rate will go up. But for ball park figuring for the average person needing to lose about 85 pounds...just figure 1700 calories.
A "no-exercise" diet to lose 1.5 pounds a week, which is most likely a health pace, would require a reduction of 750 calories a day...leaving an intake of 950-1000 calories a day. All kinds of ways to do that and still feel full, personally I recommend drinking at least half a gallon of water a day to help.
Adding Walking to your regime, at about 20 minutes a mile or a little quicker, isn't too tough. Especially starting out with half mile or whatever you can do and working up a little each day...but eventually get up to 4 miles a day. Doesn't at all have to be all at once...Break it up into 2 forty minute walks..just try to walk fast enough to get your heart beating fast, but if you get to where you can't carry on a conversation without gasping..slow it down...if you can sing a song while walking, speed it up! But those 4 miles will burn off about 500 more calories a day which would rip an additional pound of week off.
Bonus points...the walking will increase muscle, and gradually raise the basic rate of 1700 higher. But 1000 calories a day and two 40 minute walks...expect to lose 2.5 to 3 pounds per week. Roughly 12 pounds per month.
As the weight drops down, the number of calories burned off per mile will actually drop a little, but this will be more than offset as your pace increases bit by bit.
7 whole months of this is pretty intense and you might be thinking you should be losing weight even faster. Truth is...that is unreasonable to expect it to drop faster, heck even maintaining that strict regime for 7 months is NOT going to be easy, but definitely can be done.
Keeping your calorie intake at about 1700 but just adding the walking would take about 85 weeks to lose 85 pounds...and that 85 weeks is going to go by pretty quick without being calorie obsessed just calorie conscious.
Don't waste your calories on pop and candy and doughnuts...spend those 1000 or 1700 calories wisely. Make sure they are only in the first 10 hours of the day, nothing after that but water. Drink plenty of water and take a daily vitamin.
Be patient...and persistent. A pound a week doesn't seem like much return on your investment...but it is better than gaining, and without being obsessed you will turn around pretty quick and be shocked how fast the time went by and how much you lost.
Start walking...however many minutes you are able...do it again later, and keep increasing even if it is only a couple extra minutes each time.
Realistic expectations.
All kinds of factors figure into losing weight. Everything from metabolism, types of food/drink, exercise amount and intensity blah blah blah.
Basic math of it from what I've learned is...when you use 3500 more calories than you took in...you'll have lost one pound. If you did it by starving...that pound will likely be a combination of lost fat (good !), lost muscle ( bad ! lowers you're daily normal burn off rate), and lost bone mass (real bad !).
Yet all the fancy thinking aside, the belly is alot like the old bank account...if you take out more than you put in...the balance goes down...if you put in more than you take out...the balance goes up.
So basic low activity American lifestyle figure 1700 calories a day just to go about a normal day of breathing, sleeping, checking your mail, running errands. As you increase muscle that rate will go up. But for ball park figuring for the average person needing to lose about 85 pounds...just figure 1700 calories.
A "no-exercise" diet to lose 1.5 pounds a week, which is most likely a health pace, would require a reduction of 750 calories a day...leaving an intake of 950-1000 calories a day. All kinds of ways to do that and still feel full, personally I recommend drinking at least half a gallon of water a day to help.
Adding Walking to your regime, at about 20 minutes a mile or a little quicker, isn't too tough. Especially starting out with half mile or whatever you can do and working up a little each day...but eventually get up to 4 miles a day. Doesn't at all have to be all at once...Break it up into 2 forty minute walks..just try to walk fast enough to get your heart beating fast, but if you get to where you can't carry on a conversation without gasping..slow it down...if you can sing a song while walking, speed it up! But those 4 miles will burn off about 500 more calories a day which would rip an additional pound of week off.
Bonus points...the walking will increase muscle, and gradually raise the basic rate of 1700 higher. But 1000 calories a day and two 40 minute walks...expect to lose 2.5 to 3 pounds per week. Roughly 12 pounds per month.
As the weight drops down, the number of calories burned off per mile will actually drop a little, but this will be more than offset as your pace increases bit by bit.
7 whole months of this is pretty intense and you might be thinking you should be losing weight even faster. Truth is...that is unreasonable to expect it to drop faster, heck even maintaining that strict regime for 7 months is NOT going to be easy, but definitely can be done.
Keeping your calorie intake at about 1700 but just adding the walking would take about 85 weeks to lose 85 pounds...and that 85 weeks is going to go by pretty quick without being calorie obsessed just calorie conscious.
Don't waste your calories on pop and candy and doughnuts...spend those 1000 or 1700 calories wisely. Make sure they are only in the first 10 hours of the day, nothing after that but water. Drink plenty of water and take a daily vitamin.
Be patient...and persistent. A pound a week doesn't seem like much return on your investment...but it is better than gaining, and without being obsessed you will turn around pretty quick and be shocked how fast the time went by and how much you lost.
Start walking...however many minutes you are able...do it again later, and keep increasing even if it is only a couple extra minutes each time.
Friday, April 03, 2009
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