There is a word that is used profanely to describe someone whose behavior is hurtful, self-centered, or particularly abrasive. The metaphorical use of the word to refer to the worst place in a region (e.g., "the arsehole of the world") is first attested in print in 1865; the use to refer to a contemptible person is first attested in 1933. (Lighter, J.: Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Random House, 1994.)
There are various occasions in life where that could probably rightfully be applied to most anybody. Then there are those who keep that characteristic so close at hand that it presents itself as a predominate identifier of their personality. Up until yesterday I've had the opportunity to work for someone who I would have to say could be the "poster boy" for "the arsehole's of the world".
Now don't quickly jump to the conclusion that it must have been someone I had a grudge against or a chip on my shoulder about...this judgement or weighed out/thought out opinion is made without malice or anger of any kind. It is actually made with genuine stoicism.
"The stoics considered destructive emotions to be the result of errors in judgment, and that a sage, or person of 'moral and intellectual perfection,' would not have such emotions." (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy). There is an interesting article in wikipedia on "stoicism" and particularly the shared/not shared characteristics found within Christianity.
Having recently watched all the Star Wars movies, I can freshly relate how the Jedi worked to overcome and eliminate the pulls and tugs of "the dark side". Though my motivation in all my developing years wasn't to be a Jedi, but rather to mold into the characteristics found in Jesus in my dealings with abusive, abrasive, horrendous people...There is a common bond between the Jedi, the stoics, and the Christians in this regard.
With humbleness, recognizing our own flaws and capacity for error, it is generally my practice as an employee to "forgive" derogatory, insulting, abrasive treatment. Not only to "forgive it" but to try to sift thru it for any true value, anything "constructive" that I could benefit from. Though sadly, often when dealing with a boss like I had, there wasn't a constructive lesson to be found...it was more of a venting of a poorly trained personality.
Walking into work yesterday morning and being called in the office and "terminated" was actually a relief. A door to freedom. He and I both knew the "real" reason for termination...I wasn't his type, he didn't like me, we had nothing in common, and there was some kind of ego thing there I haven't fully processed but anytime I offered to produce something for him that would make his job easier (whether it was a quick simple computer program or a watering system for the 74 trees that were being watered one by one with a hose)..I witnessed extreme resentment like reactions. This would usually be followed by a couple days of concentrated micromanage criticism like..."I told you a thousand times start from the left side move to the right"..or the next day.."I told you a thousand times start from the right side move to the left"..
Dealing with the public I often saw how short tempered he became with them, and after they left I would hear how they were trying to relate something to him and how he really really didn't care so he would "cut them off" and get them out of there with absolutely no compassion or desire for interaction...Yet he had extreme focus and patience on painting and decorating his office or the walls or the floor.
I did wonder though as he wrote on the termination papers that I was "unable to learn the basic work of the trade"..why he wasn't brave enough to write the truth. Historically it would look kind of dumb of him to have that listed when in my resume I had two previous years experience even in management capacities of the business and many many years in the "basic jobs of the trade".
But it doesn't matter actually. Not to me anyway. Though I do plan to write a letter to the higher ups, not to seek a vengeful jab but to help someone else from having to endure that nonsense.
It actually helps me the way it worked out. The allergies out there had quickly mounted up to the point I ended up spending 4 days with pneumonia. Frequent battles with bronchitis. Constant insults and abrasive rudeness. And now? I've got my application in and have taken the test for a much better job that even pays 30% more than I was making. This morning I will apply for unemployment...which I actually could keep the bills paid on without too much hardship...while I spend up to 6 months perfecting my resume, improving my job searching skills and zapping resumes into interesting jobs multiple times a week until that proverbial "door opens".
My friend and now former coworker called me last night to make sure I was ok. Then he asked me if my wife was mad at me...I laughed, "she was mad", "but not at me", "had to stop her from taking her pistol and shooting both his knee caps". Hardest part of the whole ordeal was getting her to realize that "Arsehole" didn't hurt my feelings in the least...just handed me a golden opportunity to time off, unemployment income, and a better job to come. Just let it go..let it go...Yesterday is gone forever.
Stormy outside, snow storm coming in. Hope Ma makes it back before the roads get icy.
I'm happy :)
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