Monday, July 31, 2006

More Alterations

I remember not long ago reading in Tao's blog about Mondays, and a number of years ago when I worked a mere 6 days a week...I probably could relate much more than now. However, today...Monday, was quite a strain.

Mrs. Beans and I keep running into various aspects of the post 9/11 world and how it impacts "us good guys". There is alot of little things that happen...like if you try to deposit a check for more than $5000 you will wait DAYS and depending on the amount, up to 2 weeks before you can actually have access to the money...and the bankers say its something to do with "the patriot act".

If you are in need of transporting hazardous materials then you've got to deal with the Department of Transportation and get a special license. That existed pre 9/11. But the new changes mean that even if you've had that special license for years...you've got to pay about $100 and be fingerprinted and go thru a "background check" wherein they decide if you are a threat or not.

I asked the sheriff administering the process if he really believed a terrorist would put "EXPLOSIVE" placards on his vehicle and thus be ready to have his license checked for authority to be transporting that...his answer? "Well if they are hauling explosives they would HAVE to put the placards on". Sheesh, oh yes officer, there is nooo way they would disobey that one!, yea though they be on their way to suicide bomb a public facility, its just inconceivable that they wouldn't put on the placards.

Well, occasionally in our business we deal with some of these hazardous materials...so once we had cleared the background check and been officially declared safe, when we went to get the renewal on our permit with the department of public safety...the background certification wasn't enough, nor our previous license, they must have a certified copy of our birth certificate. Imagine that...somehow we went thru the background certification without the birth certificate...and even though you've got a 4 year old permit already thats about to expire, your drivers license and social security isn't enough...but you must prove your birth now. (OR..in lieu of a birth certificate a PASSPORT..would work fine!!!) Sheesh.

Meanwhile back in paradise...where the electric company has now decided they want just over 6 acres of our little 13 acre place. We did tell them no, we weren't interested. But as of today they have raised the offer to a point we're considering it. On one hand, its giving up the 6 acres we had intended to use to produce retirement income. On the other, the offer would pay 64% of our outstanding balance on the place and still leave us with 7 acres and the house. Its a decent deal, not a GREAT deal, but definitely a "decent" deal...so we're thinking it over.

Gotta talk to some tax people and find out what effect that would have on us income tax wise. But its just one more set of DECISIONS to make...there has been a steady stream of DECISIONS to make this summer, and all we want is just a little rest for our heads. Everytime ya turn around and see a path to walk, it seems to be a law of nature that the path will have to be altered..again, and again..and again. Don't get too comfortable with disliking changes...cause you'll find yourself disliking "life".

Football can be exciting at times to watch. I love it when the quarterback runs back with the ball and hands it off to another player, and he scrambles this way and that way...maybe somebody blocks a tackler off him , then he twists and sidesteps out of anothers hold, and jumps and runs and spins and turns dodging tackles, or pushing thru would be tacklers...on his way to the goal line. If you could reset time perception using a technique described by my friend grasshopper or some other way...to see this guys run as descriptive of an entire lifetime...thats kind of how living a life feels sometimes.

On a positive note, I'm told that at some point in August Mars will be bigger in the sky than the moon. Now if it weren't for them dang astrology experts knowing that it may happen again in what? 60,000 years? ...and if they hadn't have predicted it...those dang global warming nutcases could have pointed to that and said we caused it with our freon.
And Gore could see that as another pyramid of support for his hate-mongering...and would make a speech with mars as his backdrop, vehemently calling for the imprisonment and crucifixion of Bush.

Oh yeah..positive note...a man once told me, and I've found it to be true..."it always rains after a drought"...so after this passing of yet another dry week...we're one week closer to that good drought busting rain!! Now T H A T is good news.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

THOUSAND OF MILES & RAIN

Thanks for the comments on Paradise Lost...I'm not giving up hope that it will all work out to be a good thing, but its still a concernable concern. Last night as I headed west almost into oklahoma city, the sun was setting, it was right below the visor, and it was obviously a full-sun. (if they can have full moons...this was a full sun). It was waxing (lots of shine) but no waining...dang its been dry thru there.

This morning, as the sun was coming up I was headed east out of Omaha...but instead of getting blasted with a sun filled visor...just dang near got "drownded" in buckets of water, it was POURING DOWN...almost all the way from Omaha to Des Moines...I remember once upon a time when it rained like that in south central oklahoma...but its been so long ago...if it has rained like that anytime in the past several years I was probably gone and missed it, but it was just nice to see that much water falling from the sky again at least someplace.

Not much news today, just stopped here for a spell under a nice tall cloud in the southern edge of Cedar Rapids Iowa, 872 miles from where I was last night, waiting on mrs. beans to get done at the tooth doc and I'm going to have to wrap this up so I can concentrate more singularly on where today's meal will be "et" before we start the next leg of the trip...750 more miles to go.

Those nephews that caught a ride on the express route to omaha were home shortly after 6am...think they were excited to be home ...even though the yacky one was coming up with imaginary things he had left behind and wondered if they might could "run back and get them"...LOL.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

PARADISE LOST

Well sometimes when people call you on the phone the day can go downhill fast. When Mrs. Beans and I bought this place after a long term search, we had found just what we wanted. Quiet, high land, rural setting yet 6 minutes from a large hospital and maybe 12 minutes from a university. Nice fishing pond, plenty of trees, no zoning laws and a balcony overlooking the land. Not only could we retire nicely here, but its laid out in such a way we could easily use 5 acres of the land on the far end for some small efficiency units where a person could have enough yard for a garden, and we could put some attractive little cottages...maybe up to 10 of them, to provide us our retirement, and they wouldn't even be visible from the house.

Then the phone rings one day out of the blue, and its the electric company letting ya know that the power line with 35' poles that goes across the place is going to be replaced with 70' metal poles, and very high voltage lines...and they want to buy 5 acres of the parcel for an electric substation and a communication tower.


"ARE YOU CRAZY?" is all I wanted to say but with emminent domain the way it is...there is an instant sinking feeling in your heart and you see not only your retirement plans disintigrate but even
your quiet peaceful homestead. Sure they talk friendly upfront and make it seem like if you don't want to make them an offer they'd be willing to consider another place...but get real, with the emminent domain laws the way they are these days...the deed to your property is already in their back pocket, I'm not even sure why they bother being polite..(I've heard in some such cases they don't).

So whats going to happen? Is it a sure thing? The 70' poles and high voltage lines...yes. A one acre substation for the view off our front porch,
sounds like about an 80% chance...the other 4 acres to accomodate the guide wires for the 300' tower...maybe a 50% chance. The chances of us finding another 12-13 acre place like this one (location, beauty, layout, quietness etc..,)...pretty dang slim.

I had been meaning to call them and find out what it would cost to have the lines that cross the property put underground. Ummm, won't happen now, they won't put the high voltage ones underground...(I did ask while I had them on the phone).

Saturday, July 22, 2006

High-maintenance

I looked that term up in Wiki expecting to see a picture there of my visiting nephews, but they have avoided the papparazi somehow. A few days have passed since my last blog, the time has just vanished.

Most of the activities that I planned for them involved a mixture of adult supervision or at the very least...involvement as a trainer. They've both had time at the wheel of the old ford pickup, they've both emptied the .22 cal. revolver a time or two, they've both used the jig saw and the drills. Both helped burn trash, especially by adding firecrackers and other home made devices like cans half full of lighter fluid. We've played the Simpson version of the LIFE game, computer games, video games, watched videos, worked together to mount a dart board cabinet with dart board on the wall, and spent alot of time indoors shooting the soft pellet air pistol.

The 107 degree plus days we've been having have put a damper on some of their outdoor eagerness, but not much of it. If an activity involving me ends...then they both tend to scatter into seperate areas that are equally demanding of supervision...like the shop with all the power tools or the front room with all those cool boxes of stuff yet to be unpacked (many of which are waiting now to be re-packed). So needless to say its much easier to stay involved in a united activity. But on occasion, even sometimes "twice" in a 10 hour straight activity period I find a need to "go to the bathroom"...in that event they are likely to continue a united activity since I haven't really abandoned them and am returning.

Now once in the bathroom, I've actually at times just sit on the commode with the lid still unopened and still fully dressed, just sitting there enjoying the solitude. (I would guess most every mother has done that a time or two, but uncles? Well, probably most of MINE have..LOL). Other than that, I'm fully accompanied and usually being talked to.

The key word in all this is "visiting". If they were living here, they would have already learned the safety rules and training and by now would require only minor monitoring...but all these activities are new to them and therefore require more involvement. Well why don't I just pick lower maintenace activities and mix them into the lineup. With these two, "lower maintenance" translates..."boring". And they once again immediately return to the prowl.

I did let one of them use my laptop for the internet. I'm not sure yet what all has been altered on firewall or security settings but I have noticed for some reason my messenger program has a totally new look to it, as if an update has been "accepted" that I always refuse. LOL...I had forgotten that it isn't a good idea to turn a laptop over to a teenager for internet connection unless they know to not ok ANYTHING that will change what is.

Don't misread this and think that I am not enjoying the time, they are very good quality kids, and extremely interesting to get to know. Several hours from now I'm headed north to pick up my Grace Kelly for the weekend, and sometime this afternoon will be loading all the kids up to head for papa and grandma's place for a swim and a cookout. Then the boys will be staying there tonight and tomorrow, and a complete switch to "little girl" centered activities will begin here.

What about that long "to do list" I was going to be reviewing and prioritizing? It is still needing done...maybe next weekend. So if you are having a quiet moment sitting and reading blogs at the moment...take a moment to cherish and savor it. But if you're as busy interacting with some kids at the moment...cherish and savor it too, these opportunities pass by in a flash. And take time now and then to go to the bathroom, whether you need to "go" or not.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

"the Next EXIT"

Thats the title of a book that is one of the most useful travelers tool a person can have. (though I wish it were updated and corrected more frequently/thoroughly). For those who have never used one, let me catch you up right quick...

As you pass along the interstate from West to East...or from South to North...you can notice that every mile (in most states) has a little green mile marker number that is increasing. If you go the other way...that mile marker number is decreasing..but it also tells you how many miles to the state line, like a count down.

Many people don't notice that "exits" off the interstate are numbered. These numbers correspond to the mile markers. Exit 145 will be right near mile marker 145. (And in a major number of the cases if the exit number like "exit 145" appears on the LEFT edge of the big green highway sign..it means this exit is going to be from the left lane, and if it appears on the RIGHT edge of the big highway sign...this exit is going to exit from the right lane. (But this left hand right hand stuff isn't used by every state...its just a rule of thumb). Also, if you watch the white stripes on the road and the white stripes for your lane are shorter and more numerous than the other spacing...it means your lane is an EXIT ONLY...so get out of it if you don't want to exit.

This exit number matching the mile markers is usual ,Except in some parts of the North East where they use to number exits as if there were never going to be anymore...so if the 4th exit off the interstate was 20 miles inside the state line instead of the exit number being 20 it was "4". (..a system that was at least a start..though it proved to be not the best way to do it) . But nowadays even the North East is gradually changing the "old exit" numbers to the new.

California was/is another exception to the rule, some of their exits are marked this way, some that...no reliability...and changing it over has been very slow...even their "mile marker" posts are too confusing for the average driver to discern...IF they can even make out the small print. Not the brightest transportation people on staff to be sure...and if they do actually issue orders to update the interstate marking, I can easily see a 20 man Cal Trans crew assigned to each Exit sign, and getting it done at 2 or 3 signs a month. But don't get me started on that high filuting place.

Another basic just in case you didn't notice...even numbered Interstates and US highways (symbol on the map is like a federal badge) run EAST/WEST...while odd numbered US highways and Interstates like I-35 run NORTH/SOUTH. And how they choose what number to assign to an interstate.is like the mile markers , numbering starts on the West end and increases as you go East just like the mile markers...so I-5 is in California while I-95 runs up the Eastern side....and I-10 is way down south while I-94 is way up north.

Now to the point. If you are planning to go all the way thru say Wyoming on I -80 tomorrow, you can pull out your "the Next EXIT" book and see that at exit 173 (which is by the 173 mile marker) if you exit and go to the north side of the interstate there is a Loves convenience store fuel stop, and they have a Chester Fried Chicken and a Subway sandwich shop inside at this exit....etc etc. So if you're planning your trip...you can plan in advance just where you want to stop. Or if you're headed say East and you are at the 100 mile marker thinking you are hungry...and ya really like Subway...you may whip out the exit guide and see quickly that in 73 more miles, a little over an hour ,there is just what you are looking for.

Thank you for your patience if you already knew about all that stuff, but in case you didn't ..now you do. So I can make my real point. Wouldn't life be lived much more to our satisfaction if we would take the time in advance to figure out what we wanted and didn't want in our lives, and acquire the knowledge to know what exits to take to get us where we want...and what exits to quit taking that lead us nowhere we want to be?

I've been compiling a to-do list and "interest" list that is getting big enough now that I'm realizing I need to once again take a little time to identify the "places I want to go on this interstate"...like "physical fitness" and "minimized risk of financial reversal" and "increased free-choice time" and "spiritual enrichment "(ie...things that truly will improve lives of others and increasing knowledge of God's written word to man). Then look at all my "to do lists" and see if I'm making the right "exits" ..or in other words...choosing the right things to put on the priority schedule...to get me thru this state (life) having spent my time stopped where I wanted to be stopped...and skipping the exits that didn't take me where I want to go.

It's hard to hit specific targets if your aim is random. It is hard to know what targets are important to hit if ya don't keep picking them carefully.
I remember the advice of a person familiar with archery saying "The Arrow will hit where you aimed it.". And when I apply that, I often realize that my arrows are hitting nothing that I would consider worthy of the effort...which is exactly where I must have been aiming.

Well...I do know that my "next exit" has a shower (with an unusual green floor)..and a very comfortable but too seldom used bed and that should restore the engine power I need to get my trip planned for the next leg of my journey. Goodnight.

LOSS OF POWER WHEN EXHAUST IS PLUGGED

From Sunday night 7pm till this morning, Tuesday 5am ...mrs. Beans and I covered about 1600 miles and talked to many people and accomplished many things.

The first stop on our journey was Cedar Rapids Iowa and it took us a couple extra hours due to engine trouble. By the time we got to hilly Iowa ("hilly" NOT "mountainy") the engine was bogging down so bad we were dropping from 70mph to 53 mph by the time we cleared the gophers head. Then the temp light would come on.

Well I knew it had plenty of coolant and the hoses were good and the fan belt wasn't slipping and the fan was working and the water pump seemed to be doing its job without weeping, and the thermostat seemed to be opening so WHAT would be causing the temp light to come on!! And furthermore...what in tarnation was going on with this loss of power? (one might think from the shared onset time..that they were related...thereby giving 2 clues to the single problem...but all the things I could think of were coming up as multiple problems. )

Even though it was over 100 degrees outside, I turned the a/c off and put it on Heater at its Hottest setting with the fan on high, (this will provide a momentary cooling effect for a slightly overheated engine) and backed off the accelerator until the temp light went off..which was usually within 10 seconds. When it went off I would gently increase speed again and flip the heater back to ac and the temp would be fine for another 5-15 miles. Weird. But I couldn't get ANY trick to work on restoring power and I'm sure alot of the people I had passed earlier that were now passing me right back...were wondering if i was on the cell phone or just not paying attention. I can hear them now "they oughta make cruise controls mandatory"...(I can hear them because I've said that myself on occasion). Problem was I had cruise control. And it was ON.

So as soon as we finished our first appointment, we headed to Cedar Rapids Transmission shop on 8th ave. A top notch good reputation place. The manager first thought it was engine trouble..ie bad spark plugs or wires or coil or air filter...since it was now running real rough even at idle. But he took it and me for a spin, and mashed down on the pedal...which scared me in town, since usually THIS engine would have shot like a rocket...the rpm went up..the speed did not. Then the temp light came on. He circled me past the muffler shop and said...THAT is where I needed to go. And he didn't even charge us a dime. Wow.

The muffler shop quickly found that the catalytic converter was completely destroyed, worn out, and plugged. When the exhaust can't get out...the transmission can't know to shift, and the engine gets hot quick. (I think ex-lax sales are based on that principle too). Boom, $200 and a quick replacement later we're back to ZIPPING along.

A very short time later my slowing down old brain "remembered" OH YEAH!! I remember years ago I had a car that couldn't pull a hill, and I thought it was the tranny but it was a clogged converter. Sheesh I should have remembered that more readily!! Especially since I did remember that when that happened the first time I purposely established a mental note to add this to my troubleshooting files. You know when you tell yourself "I'm going to have to remember this". Well, I did. After I learned it all over again. (That seems to be happening more often than I'd like...and I'm not sure the fish oil is going to solve that one!).

But we finished as many of the things we could and made it to our stop in Omaha later yesterday than we originally intended. Got to spend some HIGH quality visiting time with 2 of my nephews ...more time than I'd ever had a chance to spend with them...And we loved every minute of it. Then about 500 miles later we finished our journey. And at this moment I really should be in bed, and will be before too long...but I had to get this down before sleep took over.

Which is kind of one of the metaphorical lessons I should be learning...when you stop the exhaustion from passing on thru (ie..via sleep)...there is a significant loss of power. And once again...I think I've already learned that lesson at least once, must have misfiled it.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

You have no friends online

For awhile I was interested in the online game "second life"...but unlike other online games I've played in the past, if ya don't have a high speed connection there isn't any point in even trying to log in. When I went to their page to see if anything could be done for us slow connectors...it told me something flat out... "You have no friends online."

Wow...glad that is settled. I no longer have to wonder about these people I've "met" online whether in a checker game at yahoo or wandering around cyber space as some avatar...NOW the computer has just come out and told me...that I have NO friends online. In a way that is a relief to have resolved, so many people these days wander thru life with the belief that they have a group of "online friends" as a subset that adds to the "real life" friends to put with the "imaginary friends" as parts of the overall set of "friends". But I'm told No..not me.

(Or maybe it means none of my Real Life friends are currently "online", now thats kinda spooky, how would my computer know who my friends are and what they are currently doing!)

Then right under that it offers me the advice "Start passing out calling cards in-world to add friends!" By "in-world" they mean...online, in the game. Now they made that so simple didn't they. I guess that would probably work as a starting place in real life too...just make up little cards with a portrait shot on it and a phone number and maybe some little short line about "Currently Adding Friends"...

All kinds of ways to meet people. For instance, between that last paragraph and starting this one about 25 minutes went by, I met 5 people a jersey bull and a jersey cow. Here is how that happened...

One of the boys is coming up this morning from Texas to visit, so we were finishing up projects fairly late. (Got that 2cnd coat of unusual green on the shower floor by 2am.) Mrs. Beans was sleeping so good she wanted to stay in bed another half hour, when that passed I knew she would need a motivator to get up before the youngen got here so even though I was just in my underwear I went out to ring the doorbell.

With many of us country folk it isn't uncommon to go outside in less than formal attire. When I reached out to hit the doorbell I saw the bull and cow walking around behind my pickup, and remembering that the walk-thru gate to the pasture was open (and just 15 yards away from the visiting cattle) I walked on out and closed it. Didn't want them getting out there, they'd be much harder to catch. Thats when I saw the neighbors pulling down the driveway so I had to make a quick dash inside to jump in my overalls.

Seems the cow just walked right over their cattle guard and the bull followed. Probably "chased" would be more accurate. The lady and her son were first on scene, then her husband and probably either her dad or his dad, and another neighbor all showed up so between us all we herded the strays back onto their place. Before today the only contact we all had together was waving as we passed on the narrow lane. So who needs to hand out calling cards when you can just send a bull.

This afternoon plans...go to the matinee to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest . That should help me deal with the disturbing discovery of having no friends online. Need a good distraction after news like that. Kind of like the time I opened a candy wrapper and inside it said "you are not a winner". Made me have to change my ways, like what brand of candy bar I ate...but realizing it only referred to contests, I've been ok with skipping the lotto craze cause someone way up in corporate America already knew the outcome for me when they revealed it to me in that wrapper.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Paint

Finished painting the first coat on the shower floor at 1am this morning. If painting were a graded subject, don't know if I ever would have gotten better than a "B" in it, probably but on occasion would have gotten much less...but I do know that it has been a very long time,(like 2 decades), since I had done any real painting with a paint brush...it was surprising how much I had forgotten.

Maybe I'll order one of those shirts from that USTACUD link...and when it gets paint drippings all over it...I'll explain the meaning of the shirt "use to could"...as I point to the paint mess and say "being neater with the paintbrush is one of the things that qualifies me to wear the shirt".

You wouldn't think a small concrete shower floor would be that tough of a job, but then again...its nothing BUT edges and then ya throw in a drain cover in the middle. Surface prep was the hardest part. And then there is the usual afterwards..."the usual"?...Yeah, thats where you go..."ya know, it didn't look that color on the paint chart".

I was trying to blend it with some green that is in the shower wallboard...but seems like I ended up with what I call a "swimming pool green". To describe it in hearing terms instead of visual...its playing just a little off key, and its playing loud. Now the tough part is...should I try to correct the color by buying more paint of a different shade and using that for the second coat? Sometimes that works out...sometimes thats like asking a good singer to join the choir...but leaving the bad one in there with the mic turned up too high.

Actually I think I'm starting to like it...kind of "unique"...but have you ever noticed there are just SOME things that the wife can view and comment "unique"...and that means you're eventually going to be going to the paint store?

Thursday, July 13, 2006

War, Fish Oil, Red Buttons, Wasps

Not much news in that really, in response to rocket attacks against Israel and the abduction of one of their soldiers Isreal declared war on Lebanon. Syria and Iran use those poor people like puppets in their hate filled death oriented purpose for living. But the escalation begins. How long till Syria, Iran, and Palestine join with North Korea all on one team, on the other side we'll have the USA, England, Israel, Japan...and then as usual..the French will be cursing us till North Korea turns on them..then they'll be squealing like a stuck pig for help. Who knows which side China will land on. Well thats about all I care to say about world events.

Comedian and Actor Aaron Chwatt , aka. "Red Buttons" died today at 87 years old.

The Fish Oil I've been taking is from Wal-Mart, "Spring Valley" brand "Enteric Coated" 1000 mg. 60 softgels in a bottle. Looked like they did ok in the free part of the consumer report (even though that was the 1200 mg tested). I've only been taking one a day...but its supposed to be 3x a day. I almost immediately noticed I started dreaming at night again, and that is with just 1000mg.
so I'm pretty sure its doing SOMETHING...so I might just bump it on up to 2 or 3x a day to see if any other results are actually noticeable. Mr. K had a very informative link in the comments on the last blog. I was amazed at how many things that fish oil is good for.

Well they say it was 106 degrees farenheit today....(record was 107 in 1930). Fortunately I only went out in it once today, and that was to see how hard it would be to remove one of the windows and put in a smaller one then match the siding up. Usually not too rough a job but not something I would want to do today! I remember digging a grave in a dry California town, it was 113 degrees, and I had been out in that all day...and it really didn't seem too rough on me that way. The hard part about dealing with high temps is having an air conditioner...and the option to stay in.

While I was out there I noticed a massive red wasp nest being actively worked at by what would probably count to 70-100 wasps...as it clings to the eaves. Now in the past I've left some of those alone and found them very interesting works...which if you looked at them architectually/engineering wise...its pretty awesome stuff. But when they start getting THAT big...I'll probably be out there early in the morning when their stiff little joints can't quite move as fast...with a can of commercial grade industrial wasp and hornet killer...shoots a pretty good stream. (And if it doesn't work out well, they'll probably use parts of me in their construction).

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

A Quiet Wednesday Morning

For catch up...Monday morning little Grace Kelly and I picked about 1/3 of a gallon of blackberries before she gave out, there is probably another 1/2 gallon out back to get picked or lose. I've always enjoyed gathering blackberries but personally don't eat them, Just can't see all those little seeds as being healthy. That can't be all of it though because I'll even pass up seedless blackberry jelly. Go figure.

Tuesday I hit the floor around 5am but by 5pm I called it a day. Pretty hot out there! Took ms. Kelly back to her mom's and since they are finishing up the process of another move...hauled the leftover furniture back with me to ms. Kelly's mom's mom. Then on to check on Mrs. Beans at the doctor as they try to figure out why she's been coughing for a month.

Finally after all these years gave up on avoiding the podiatrist and found me one in oklahoma city, called em up and said "i'm flat footed since birth, overrun my instep, and my knees are starting to be a problem" and they said "we can help" so the appointment has been made. Should be interesting, they xray the feet and then make castings of each foot so the tech on the other end can make a positive mold and then design the orthotic specifically for the correction I need. From what I could determine to ask the whole process should run about $500. If that will get me back to where I can enjoy walking again...it will be money well spent.

Dreaming like crazy lately, and they are even starting to make sense again. After essentially NOT dreaming for so long, then starting on fish oil 1000mg each day the dreams started almost immediately so I'm inclined to believe Mr. K who recommended fish oil on the basis that it provided food the brain readily consumed.

First part of next week we get the Omaha nephews for a bit, really looking forward to that. Probably going to set up some targets out back and let them get after it with the bb guns and sling shots and bow and arrows. Just gotta make a hard and fast rule about shooting my birds and squirrels and rabbits. I've worked at keeping them around, there isn't near as many as there should be for this rural of an area, so I don't want to lose the few we've got. I know I shot at the old armadillo the other day, but when ya see the size holes that sucker has been digging in my yard for me to trip over...and the shear ugliness of the thing...I'm perfectly willing to let someone else raise them for posterity's viewing pleasure.

Tentative plans are to get back to work in about 3-4 weeks. Which will be wonderful but this is wonderful too... Guess I'd better wrap this up, got some projects planned for this morning including breakfast at this quaint little cafe, a search thru the cave for some needed items then maybe a swim at ma's place. So far it has been a quiet and peaceful day, Hope allyua'll enjoy this Wednesday.

Monday, July 10, 2006

A Smokey Monday Morning

Yesterday may have had alot of meaning in ways beyond me, but in my way of thinking it was pretty much a wash. Overslept church, didn't cross anything off my to-do list, didn't finish compiling/organizing my list for the week, too hot to go fishing or blackberry picking (but thats on the agenda for this morning as soon as this blog is done).

One thing that did happen is a very strange afternoon nap...I had dreams so vivid and realistic that I couldn't always discern whether it was a dream or not. Haven't been dreaming at all for awhile (yeah i know they claim we always dream but if I don't know I did, as far as I'm concerned I didn't). Started taking fish oil though...maybe thats what brought that on?

The bedtime story for Saturday night was Thumbellina...reminds me of one of my favorite night time thinkings when I was a youngen, if I found miniature "thumb high" people..all the things I could build for them, from a cereal bowl swimming pool to a ride in a remote control airplane.

But the story last night..HANSEL and GRETTLE....thats a creepy one. Here you have a mean mother that talks the caring but subdued and poverty stricken hard working father into taking his kids out into the wilderness to die of exposure. Then children hearing the story get to watch the two face the horrific thought of being eaten by a cannibalistic old witch. The "happy ending" involves them killing the old lady by incinerating her in the oven, then robbing her house and returning home where they find their mean mom has run off, and their dejected dad, about to starve to death, rejoices to see their return and they enjoy the wealth brought by the plunder.

Its one of the classics, told and retold for generations, enjoyed by probably millions, and yet...if the guy had written a summary like the one I did above and submitted it to his friends and family and publisher...I can't imagine anyway it would have made it past the critics. Thats gotta be one of the greatest determiners of whether or not things succeed...is skipping the critics and give it a go... So many times I see ideas abandoned because someone becomes convinced it won't work...so instead of letting things fly/fail ...they don't even try em.

A long list could be made of successes that were phenomenally successful, in spite of initial critics that almost kept them from appearing. Of course a long list could be made of phenomenal failures that were forewarned as failures by critics but ignored...and there are many failures that the critics thought would be wonderfully successful. The moral of the story is...if You believe in giving it a go...give it a go, don't look for someone to talk you out of it, cause you'll find em. Don't look for someone to talk you into it...cause you'll find them too. But neither of those can see the future.

Last night about 8pm I put 4 logs and a bag of trash in the firepit. Now almost 11 hours later it is still smoldering and filling the air with smoke. Why can't fires ever last that long in the cold of winter!!

Manually killed one more tick yesterday...so it wasn't a complete wash.
Time to go take a bath in skin-so-soft (those bugs HATE that stuff)...and then wake up ms. Grace Kelly and get her all oil soaked, then we're going to head for the blackberry patch and the pond. Got a busy day today!

Sunday, July 09, 2006

"I don't want to be with you"

Most parents probably hear that at one time or another from most every kid they raise.

Kids can say the most hurtful things. Like the 4 year old that not only missed her nap but wasn't happy about not getting to play a game she wanted to play, telling her daddy that she doesn't want to be with him anymore and just wants to go home to her mother. Saying "you're not my real dad, my mom will marry a husband and he will be my real dad, you're my stepdad"...and "I don't want to see you anymore and I don't want to be here"...Now the biggest part of all that translates out ...she didn't get her nap today so 1030 at night she's mean. (If you've never raised a strong willed child, you may have not experienced the amazing horrendousness that fatigue will bring on).

But isn't it strange that they spout out words that have a particularly sharp edge to them. I guess what every parent would want to hear is how much their child loves them and how thankful they are to have you as their parent. (And sometimes I actually hear that version too).

The wisdom side of my being understands enough to realize like Christ did "they know not what they do". But the heart feels the ache of rejection, and feels the sting of ungratefulness.
The analytical side brings to mind all the counselling and psychology studies in my background and understands there is alot of screwed up psyche in a kid being brought up by parents in seperate homes, especially when they stay with one parent 85% and the other 15%. It's likely that over 100,000 people this very weekend are enduring the same pain that I feel at this moment.

I'm ready to set it aside because to dwell on it really only amounts to feeling sorry for self and thats a pretty unproductive place for the brain to dwell...but a part of me wants to think about it abit and try to find the path that will lead the child into a greater level of kindness...and a better level of acceptance of things as they are.

Case studies would show this same issue being dealt with in many facets. Like the disneyland dad that always spends his weekends with the kids totally entertaining them while the mom who has them day in and day out during the week doesn't stand a chance of competing. Yet there is also the situations where the child is actually very insecure in the majority-home so they fear being away from the major caregiver very long at a time. Sometimes they are afraid to attach to close to the weekend parent afraid it will hurt their weekday parent.

So much psycho mumbo jumbo...but my experience is..even when problems have many facets, solutions are usually simple and narrow in scope. While we all hope our children will love us and grow up to love us even more...its not a healthy thing to parent in such a way that we avoid doing anything that might make them angry or unloving toward us.

I remember telling my older children when they were young that while I would sure want them to love me, that wasn't my ultimate purpose in bringing them up. I had a responsibility to train and discipline and love them...but it was to be always based on what would best train and prepare them...If I lost sight of that and started just catering all interactions with the child towards obtaining their love...I not only would do them a great disservice, I would be failing in my true responsibilities.
My goal in raising children is not ultimately to have them love and cherish me...my goal is to raise them up in a way that empowers them to make good moral and spiritual and vocational character.

"Even if you never love me, I will always love you"..."It hurts me when you say the things you say but at the same time,..I won't stop loving you and looking out for you. Do they know enough at 4 years old, after a long napless day...to be communicating true well thought out beliefs? Doubtful. Does her mom and I need to be doing something different to help the child better grasp dual citizenship instead of "visitation"? Is this an omen of an attitude that will continue to grow and worsen or is this simply the tired words of a 4 year old feeling confused and torn as if they are having to "give up" mom by being with dad? Something they will later outgrow or something they will grow further into?

Then there is the self doubt. Am I really failing this child so badly that they honestly do not want to be with me, honestly do not want me to be their dad? Am I not entertaining enough, fun enough, providing enough enjoyment for them to enjoy being here? Yet I also know that usually when people strike out with such hurtfulness, it indicates fear or hurt or something strong and unpleasant inside themselves. (including even exhaustion) Does she close her heart and push me away to protect herself from missing me or is it a fear that she will not be with her mother ever again? Her mother and I ran into blocks that kept the relationship from working but I remind little one often that I will always love her mother and that both her mother and I love her dearly...and I'm not trying to steal her away.

What about the parent who truly is a lousy parent, who doesn't care one hoot about the child...and the child loves and adores them.Just doesn't seem fair.

It's hard but essential to appreciate that just because you want to get closer to your children it does not mean they, at the same time, will have similar inclinations toward you.

Parents that were never married and live in seperate homes, but share a young daughter . Dad was upset...the daughter, wants to visit him when he comes home every third weekend from working out of town. But 2 days into the 3 day visit she wants to go home. Dad’s no longer her idol. Mom can’t get her to want her dad. The child misses her mom. Dad’s house is "boring" since the cat ran away...

So there I sat beside her bed with my feelings hurt, and some deep concern over whether this is just a phase or a heads-up into something that will digress more...but I talked to her about kindness and how very important it was that she be kind to people and that I loved her and needed time with her, and it hurt my heart for her to say the things she said. I even told her that I would pray for her that God would help her learn to be more kind. And that just like she had to learn to use the potty, and had to learn to read, she had to work on becoming a kind person and not saying things to hurt other peoples feelings. (Yeah, a 4 year old is really going to wrap their head around that!)

On the other hand. Ya do all you can do, and then you've done all you could. If someone is going to love ya they are going to love ya and if they are going to reject you they are going to reject you, and what is, is. I'm a firm believer in listening, trying, thinking, loving whole heartedly and unconditionally...and then when I've done all I'm able with my limited brain to figure out to do. Accept whatever is and consider it "just the way it is".

Yeah, I know by in the morning it will be an entirely different tune with the little stink. She got her need to vent satisfied, even if it was at my expense. Sometimes in our journey here, we're supposed to experience sadness.

(non-related to subject Quote for the day):
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Friday, July 07, 2006

THE "wet my pants" Look

Picked up my little Grace Kelly this morning. We made up songs
about anything she chose on the way home. One challenging
selection was "pink and gray"...the song ended up being about a
guy that had his fingernails painted pink on one hand, gray on
the other,..to the girls he hid his gray hand and they admired
the pretty pink..to the boys he folded up the pink hand and told
them the nails turned gray from the work he was doing.

The next game was what I call "expressions"...it starts out
simple.."make a sad face"...then "an angry face", then the "i wet
my pants" face...then the "i pooped my pants face" then the "i
don't know" face, then the "surprised face" and the "I'm really
thinking about it" face. When it came to the "wet my pants" face
that kid did such an excellent expression it was hysterical!!
She even got a kick out of it, but of course seeing how it
cracked me up so much she wanted me to keep mixing that one into
the list.

When we finally got to the one lane road that leads 3/4 mile up
to the house, I stopped the car and reached over and unbuckled
her from the car seat, (which made her instantly curious what was
up), picked her up and sat her in my lap and said "you drive".
We proceeded slowly about 2mph and if you watched from above we
would appear to be running a slolom around invisible cones as she
got the feel for how turning the wheel affected the direction of
the car. She did pretty good for a 4 year old.

Once we got to the house she immediately spotted and wanted the
watermelon that was in the kitchen floor. So I sliced it up into
pretty good size wedges..she ate probably what would fill 4
cereal bowls full if it were cut up into chunks, then she played
a video game on tv, then scratched at a mole on her back and we
doctored it...and her temperament had turned quickly to reveal
she was much in need of a nap.

Before going to sleep though I read her some story about a mama goat with 7 kids, and a hungry wolf...who later in the story eats 6 of the 7 young goats..and the mama goat ends up sneaking up on the sleeping wolf, cutting him open, getting out her kids, putting big rocks in and sewing him up. Later when the wolf wakes up thirsty they sneak behind
it as he drinks from the river and they butt him into it...with a
belly full of stones of course he drowns. Wow..couldn't let her
go to sleep with that one on her mind, (and THAT was a bed time
story!!)..so Green Eggs and Ham was a good choice. At the moment
she is fast asleep. We will be up to who knows what when she
awakes...

Speaking of a different wolf now...my friend wolf called moments ago,
detoxed, planning to try to go back into the navy reserves then
the full time navy. The big question is whether or not he would
be accepted. Hope so, since that kind of structure is what he
has historically done his best in. I encouraged him to try...and
if they don't let him in then he can go onto another plan but he
won't have missed the opportunity IF it exists. I wonder how many times we miss opportunitys by failing to try because of some fear that we won't be allowed to get-er-done?

Enjoyed a visit at Ma and Pirate Gem's last night. Good steak and
good visiting, but unfortunately I was still exhausted from
working thru the night on the shop and the bookcase (and the day
brought no nap as was originally planned) so I fell asleep on the
couch over there for a couple hours. Slept good. Meanwhile
Pirate Gem has been busy working on his online store site and
seems to be picking up some html and some other aspects of
internetting pretty quick. I think he's soon to get his own
independent webpage now. He's excited about this new project and
life is always more fun when you can keep on an exciting project.
He's advancing surprisingly quick in all his
endeavors...impressive.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Finished that Bookcase

What a day yesterday! Got alot done and enjoyed it but. My goal for the day yesterday was to finish the much needed bookcase for the front room to help us get more organized. Actually thats been on my "today" list for several weeks.

Well, first things first...The shop needed cleaned up before starting a project like that of course. (It really really did). So since I was going to be working in the shop it was a good time to get caught up on burning trash, especially since Mrs. Beans had been very busy in the front room clearing, sorting and throwing away, so all together I had probably a half a pickup load of trash to burn. So back and forth I'd be checking on the fire and adding more to it..and organizing and cleaning out the shop and getting the worktable ready.

The section of the bookcase I needed to finish was 46x82 so it was going to need the whole table to be uncluttered and made ready. Finally got ready to start...determined to cross this booger off the list, and I realized that it was almost 6pm and I hadn't eaten all day. Wow was it nice to walk in the door and hear the words "You hungry? Suppers ready." Steamed rice, with shredded up chicken and lots of vegetables all mixed together...YUMMY.

Back out to the shop with a full tummy, happy as a Pooh bear with a honey jar. Well, when I make stuff I want it done right...the shelf spacing to fit the need, the design accurate to fit the space, the workmanship, square, level, predrill screw holes..the works..so I stayed after it. Finishing it up I opened the door and realized that I still had the outside light on...reaching over and unplugging it did no good at all...the outside was still lit up. Hmmm, it wasn't my light that was shining out there...it was God's!

What a beautiful morning...I know I've gotta go get cleaned up and take a nap but when I wake up probably around noon...I'll have that bookcase crossed off the list, and a clean shop...and the trash burning all caught up... Sure looks like its going to be a good day.

I hope young Sam had a successful first day (ever) to have a full time job. Got a chance to visit with him just a bit before he went in, unfortunately he was struggling with the South pole of the Bipolar but he knew thats what was going on inside...It appears the current regime of medications is keeping the northpole in check well enough, but its not keeping him away from that south pole. May be awhile before he can stick around the equator. Turns out too they didn't fix that back tire good so its still losing air. Hope he gets that fixed and gets to the doc about his prescription refill this morning. Hmm, bet my phone starts ringing in a few hours so guess I'd better get this wrapped up.

Sounds like wolf has fallen so far off the wagon again he's once again without wheels and soon/already without a roof. Figure I'll hear today whether the state is going to give him one of those free room and board deals...(where ya don't have to worry about locking up at night, they take care of that for ya)...or whether he will end up in another treatment program...or whether he will be headed here in need of a tent site (and a tent).

Oh well, who knows...but what I do know is...THAT BOOKCASE IS DONE!! It was enjoyable building it...but I'm really glad to have it done. We get little Grace Kelly early in the morning and keep her till Monday. Looking forward to that, so probably will mostly just rest today...hope to get over to ma's for a visit and a swim later on. Its time to mow again too, and thats easier done before littluns visit.

...If I did my math right North Korea is 46,540 square miles. (Oklahoma is 69956 square miles)( NK Population: 22,541,000 ...Oklahoma Population (1994): 3,258,000 but adding in the old census count for texas Population: 20,851,820. WHAT IS IT WITH THESE MIDGETS WITH THE RULE THE WORLD MENTALITY!!!)

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

JULY 4TH AND NO FIREWORKS

As much as I use to love playing with fireworks and explosives, and as many commercial firework shows as I've seen around the country...I'm kind of surprised that this year I just had no interest in seeing or exploding. The only explosive I set off tonight was a .22 caliber shot at an armadillo but it was too dark to get the sites lined up right and I missed it. Mrs. Beans was relieved, she was hoping it would get away. (i guess I can keep filling in holes in the yard).

We had an enjoyable evening visiting and eating hamburgers at Ma's, and had a chance to visit with the kids and grandkid. Afterwords Pirate Gem and I discussed how its not just 4th of July fireworks that have waned in excitement...its lighting up in full decor for Christmas too...it just seems like more work than its worth. Maybe there are just too many other interests in life and those just don't seem worth the effort anymore. Who knows.

Sam starts his first full time job today...but it doesn't appear his bipolar cycles are working real good for him yet so we're all a bit concerned. If he can just make it over the threshold into his new life maybe he might have a fighting chance...?

Wolf called today, seems he had all the sobriety he could stand so he's back to work full time trying to finish destroying his life and any progress he made in it the past few weeks.

Not too much to post about today...but I'll try to come up with something in a day or two...(but then again I'm kind of hoping it will be too calm and quiet)

Monday, July 03, 2006

EARLY A.M. ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER

Sleeping schedule is now completely out of whack. This morning I woke up at 3am and could NOT get back to sleep. So I came downstairs and decided to research how hand dug water wells are done, which proved very interesting...especially in how to line them on the way down. Then I ran upon something about California that really doesn't surprise me...



Woman, 82, Gets Ticket for Crossing The Street Too Slow LOS ANGELES - An 82-year-old woman received a $114 ticket for taking too long to cross a street. Mayvis Coyle said she began shuffling with her cane across Foothill Boulevard in the San Fernando Valley when the light was green, but was unable to make it to the other side before it turned red. She said the motorcycle officer who ticketed her on Feb. 15 told her she was obstructing traffic.

Then I started looking at things that happened on this date in history, thats usually good for a thought or two. Just a few of the things I noticed...Birthdates from July 3rd 1423 Louis XI king of France (1461-83).. 1962 Tom Cruise. Deaths which occurred on July 03:1969 Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones drowns to death at 25,.. 1971 Jim Morrison rocker (Doors), dies of heart failure in Paris... 1978 James Daly actor (Medical Center), dies at 59... 1981 Ross Martin actor (Mr Lucky, Wild Wild West), dies at 61... 1986 Rudy Vallee singer (Vagabond Dreams), dies at 84, .. 1988 Gabe Dell actor, dies at 68 of leukemia.. 1989 Andrei Gromyko Soviet diplomat, dies just short of his 80th birthday ...1989 Jim Backus actor (Magoo, Gilligan's Island), dies at 76 of pneumonia.

Well so much for that...one link mistakenly listed Lou Gehrig's speech as being on July 3rd so I did some research into that. Which actually even though it was on July 4th...is pretty interesting. At his retirement ceremony in Yankee Stadium, July 4, 1939. He was thirty-six years old and dying.

" I CONSIDER MYSELF THE LUCKIEST MAN ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH, I MIGHT HAVE BEEN GIVEN A BAD BREAK BUT I'VE GOT AN AWFUL LOT TO LIVE FOR"

Within 2 years, Gehrig died. You can hear a bit of his actual talk at this link...
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4620618

On a totally nonrelated note, in many miles on the road I get to see and hear of many driving related things... I read about an older man who was driving home from the store, when he called his wife on his new (first time to own one) cell phone."Dear, I'm calling you from my new cellphone! I'm driving home on I-80 right now." "Oh, be careful!" [i can just hear the love and worry in her voice] "I just heard on the news that there's some maniac driving the wrong way on I-80!"
"One maniac? There's hundreds of 'em!"

Hmmm.
Think I'll go build a bookcase for the front room.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Sunday morning 3am

Actually I got home at a decent hour last night but about midnight when all good boys and girls should be asleep...those that are 18 seem to find a way to run out for a quick drive and end up off the road in a ditch. Well, he did get it back up to the shoulder but one tire wasn't seated on the rim anymore. Phone rings.

I'm thinking, what in tarnation was he doing out at that time of night anyhow...when I saw him last around 8pm he was headed home for bed. Mrs. Beans reminds me as I head out the door on the rescue mission that this IS actually a major reason we're taking time off. "Yeah, you're right, I'll be back after while". After a trip out there to inspect the situation I find he is ok, and the car appears ok, just a quick tire change and all is well.

Turns out there is no lug wrench in that car or mine that will fit..so back into town to walmart to buy a 4-way...then all the way back out to get-er-done. The doughnut was in good shape but only had 30# air, so I aired it up to the required 60# and sent him slowly home...while I finished putting away the tools and headed off to home myself. Walking in finally at 3am.

Hopefully in about 6 hours I'll be up and headed to church. But since Ayla of the Clan moved her blog from myspace to blogger I thought I'd update my links and write a few lines. Saturday was a great day. And so far Sunday has actually been pretty decent...just had to work a little harder than I thought.

Have you ever seen cockroaches just out on the shoulder of a highway? They were all over the place out there! Weird, no houses/people around for miles...I suppose the light drew them or scurried them or something but changing that tire wouldn't have been nearly as aggravating if I hadn't had to swat squash smash and squish those hideous creatures while I worked. I've never heard of them being outside in the wild like that.

Research revealed..Q: What are roaches good for?A: Not much inside a human home. But in the wild they are an important part of the chain of decomposers that recycle animal and vegetable matter back into the soil. Some roaches are important pollinators for certain plants and they also serve as an important food source for reptiles, amphibians, fish, birds, and various mammals and insects.

Enough education for this late/early hour. I'm going to bed.